Friday, July 3, 2009

Welcome to Bizarro World

Not pictured: Owen having to be carried off the pitch after he broke his ankle posing for the photo.



I'll admit, upon reading the late night rumors that one Michael James Owen, former England goalscorer, was being lined up for a move to Old Trafford, I was giddy.

Little Mikey Owen, former Liverpool golden boy, who'd burst onto the scene with THAT goal against Argentina in 1998, only to see his career spiral continually downwards after a move to El Bernabéu in 2004, was actually on the cusp of joining the reigning Premier League champions.

This was the man who had resurrected Liverpool back from the dead in 2001, stealing the FA Cup from the Gunner's grasps. He seemingly had the world at his feet, until the rest of his body started letting him down.

And yet, his career takes another interesting turn.

You know the recent history; marginalized at Madrid, the return to England with the Barcodes, doing his knee against Sweden in Germany and the subsequent laundry list of injuries and underwhelming performances that have followed.

Michael Owen is supposed to be washed up. Those weak little hamstrings can no longer propel him past defenders so easily like they used to. It would appear that his bones have been crystallized and are just as fragile. His game is begging for reinvention, yet he can't stay on the pitch long enough to unveil Michael Owen 2.0. For the love of God, fucking Hull City Football Clubwere flirting with signing him. Big Sam, whose gotten more than a few miles out of older, supposedly 'done' players, even took a pass on bringing him to Blackburn. Yet, here's Sir Alex Ferguson, swooping in the sign up the diminutive forward. (interesting fact: if you write about Michael Owen, you're legally required to use the word 'diminutive' in any essay over 200 words)

Manchester United have lost His Doucheness and Carlos Tevez and are replacing them with Antonio Valencia and Michael Owen. Really? As Father Time continues to stalk Giggs and Scholes, this is how SAF chooses to replace all that lost firepower? With a man who hasn't played more than 30 league matches (he's hit 31 total each of the past two years) and has only scored 30 goals over that same period of time.

This is the man United are turning to in hopes of continued glory? That must have been one hell of a brochure.

Obviously, he's passed a physical so his legs can't be utter Jello. Obviously, his deal will be structured around how often he features and produces. Obviously, United will consider an alternative option to Rooney and Berbatov.

But, still... Is this actually happening?

Sure, if Owen overcomes his own past history, stays fit and fires home a few crucial goals to help United lift more silverware, it will be one hell of a story. (and good cause for certain UFers to cry into the massive amounts of alcohol they've turned to ease the suffering -- present company included). But what are the chances that this actually happens? Does anybody REALLY think Owen is going to stay healthy and find that elusive renaissance under SAF?

Um, no.

This ends as expected. This ends poorly.

I'm sorry, Michael. "I wish... you had... more time..."

But you don't.

And I'm going to enjoy this.

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Popescu Used to Totally Check Out His Teammates



Well they gave him a number 10 shirt but nobody in Ceausescu's Romania took away his name.

Doesn't mean Gheorghe Popescu wasn't a secret agent man.

Gheorghe "Gica" Popescu, the former captain of Romania's national football team, has admitted being an informer for the country's secret police during the communist era.
Popescu was part of the Romanian squad that qualified for three straight World Cups (1990, 94, and 98). Hey, we hosted in 1994, so was he spying on us from the pitch?

No.

Popescu was an informant for Ceausescu's government from 1986 to 1989, the year the Romanian ruler was finally tossed into the grave he had been digging himself. The Soviet Union and its Eastern Bloc satellite states were pretty much casualties of history by the time we hosted the World Cup.

Popescu comes off as more of a tattle tale than any kind of cool man of mystery engaging in espionage. Ceausescu's government kept close tabs on its athletes, and was particularly interested in conversations they might have had with foreigners while abroad.

Popescu admitted that he wrote "four informative notes about teammates and other colleagues when he was playing at Universitatea Craiova." He defended his actions by saying that he only wrote good things about the teammates.

Yes, bet they totally believe you. Figures he played for Tottenham. Oh look, cheese.

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UF Quick Throw: Owen To United. No Really!

It's surprise Friday, the unthinkable is happening. Michael Owen is joining Manchester United! That's if he passes a medical. Owen is currently at United's Carrington training ground undergoing fitness tests. If Owen gets the green light and signs for the Premier League champions, then surely this could be hailed as the mother of all comebacks. Just last week Owen's desperate plea for a new club, was met with interest from Stoke and Hull. Owen is available on a free transfer after 4 injury hit years at Newcastle United, making just 79 appearances. Owen's injuries whle at Newcastle included groin, ankle, thigh, hernia, metatarsal and knee ligament tears. Time will tell if Owen can produce the kind of form he had while at Liverpool, early in his career, but United have successfully been here before. Anyone remember Teddy Sherringham?



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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Thursday Backpasses: Treat it like a Friday

It seems that a lot of people with better jobs than mine have tomorrow off. As such, we will have a three day weekend. If big news comes up, we'll hit it; otherwise, we will gorging ourselves, as is the American way.

Here's something to chew on: Little Mikey Owen to Man U? [Premiership Talk]
Or should he go back to Pool? I find that highly unlikely [The Shankly Gate]
This goal is almost Ibrahimovic-like in its finishing. Shame about that [101GG]
Hmmmm. Not sure if I want. Bradley's extra call ups for the Gold Cup [SBI]

Horse-faced Ruud could be doing the reverse Benzema [Soccerway]
Gay goings on in Uganda. Ha ha. FUFA [The Independent]
Notts County trying to become "Formerly the Oldest Football League Club In The World" [Two Hundred Percent]
Final Nielsens for US-Brazil--about 4 million. [Soccer Insider]

Finally:
If you love comedy dives, this is the video for you [The Offside]

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Timbers and Sounders Match Had Plenty Of Atmosphere

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Packed house.


Despite the Portland Timbers' 2-1 loss to MLS side Seattle, last night's US Open Cup match at PGE Park in Portland was a good time. MLS executives will probably be drooling over the turnout and genuine soccer atmosphere at last night's match. The game was a sellout according to reports, although I did notice a space to fit in more people in the stands, not including the tarped off top 10 rows. (Who knows exactly why they did not open those seats up.) There was great fan support, and the match turned out to be pretty good despite Seattle not dressing some of its bigger names.

Sounders fans made the trek down to Portland to root on their team in large numbers standing outside the northeast entrance chanting quaint things like "We hate Portscum" and other things like that. Nobody ever said Seattle fans were very creative or smart.

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Sounders fans represent.


Joining the Sounders fans were lots of people trying to buy and sell tickets. Tickets were reportedly sold out and there was actually a ticket scalping market for a US Open Cup match in Portland. Amazing. It's unclear whether the scalpers were actually making money but I did hear one guy offer $45 for two tickets which were presumably the $12 general admission tickets ($17 on the day of the game).

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

Damn scenesters playing hacky sack during the game.


Even the viewing deck of the swanky Multnomah Athletic Club (MAC) on the south side of the field was packed with non-paying spectators. (For some reason the MAC members are all allowed to watch events at PGE Park without paying for tickets, there must be some sort of deal going on.) Fans lined the street on the west to get
a free peep at the action as well.

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Rich people watching for free.


From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Poor people watching for free.


Inside most everything was orderly and I grabbed seats in a section right above the Timbers Army (TA) behind the north goal. TA was revved up for this match singing well before the match began, even doing a little chant for Timbers owner Merritt Paulson as he walked out on the pitch. Paulson gave a little wave and clap because he knows TA really helps sell his product.

There were even distasteful signs from the TA. A "Knulla Ljungberg" banner, which a quick google tells me is roughly "eff Ljungberg." It seems the sex was a little too rough as Seattle's DP was out injured for the match. Another one, shown earlier, exhorts University of Portland alum Kasey Keller to "Do the Cobain" with a shotgun drawing to further illustrate that they didn't mean become a hugely successful musician with an icon status. (Note: I found this to be in pretty poor taste, but I'm not one who can really be a judge of taste.)

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Is this necessary?


From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

It's an orca, but I think they want it to represent a "flounder".

The now-retired Timber Jim made two appearances. One in the flesh and one in cardboard. The latter being a giant Timber Jim carboard cutout, complete with chainsaw, cutting down the Space Needle. Needless to say, that was quite good. Unfortunately, I was behind it and it looked more like some weird fetish act, but there is a good video of it here.

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Timber Jim may get arrested for that.


From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup
Aaaach...They're heeeere!

After all of that, the game started. Seattle jumped on Portland with a goal in the first minute of the match after some poor marking left Roger Levesque free to head home the opener. During the goal celebration Nate Jaqua mimicked chopping Levesque down with an axe. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Portland looked rather ragged in the first half. It could not maintain possession and its backline looked like Real Madrid's against Barcelona. Seattle earned its second goal in the 27th minute as Stephen King knocked in a goal from the 18 that ricocheted off the left post and into the net. A sublime shot after the loose ball Portland could not close down.

Portland pulled one back in the 43rd minute when a loose ball was poked in by Mandjou Keita. It was nice heads up play by Portland's one decent offensive force. Keita narrowly missed a header in the eighth minute going only inches wide of Keller's post. If it had not been for Keita's goal before half, I fully expected the match to favor Seattle 4-0 or 4-1.

The second half was a much better affair as Portland started to maintain some possession, but lacked the quality in the final third. Portland's left back was dire, though. Missing markings and arguing about offside calls when he was caught ball watching. Portland had several good buildups but was never able to make the final pass or pull the trigger at the correct time.

Sigi Schmid, Seattle's manager, sensed some danger and inserted Fredy Montero, the Colombian rookie who has looked very promising this season. Montero was clearly a cut above the rest but he tried to do too much on his rather than work within the system. Lots of flash yesterday, but not much to show for it. Little did Portland fans know that the "Montero, no means no" chant could soon be directed at Nate Jaqua.

As the game went along, Seattle started with its stalling tactics. Sanna Nyassi, who previously played for Portland, flopped on the ground in the corner like a fish out of water. Nobody was around him and he just rolled around on the ground like somebody was rending his flesh. Portland's keeper, Steve Cronin, was very upset with Nyassi's histrionics. Yelling and gesticulating at him so much the ref waved him away. Then Nyassi continued to roll around to put out a non-existent fire.

Unfortunately, some fan decided to peg him with a water bottle. Deserving or not, that just cannot happen. But, it gave Cronin an excuse to run over at Nyassi, yell some more and pick up the water bottle. On his way back, Cronin gave the Timbers Army a nice smile and discrete thumbs up it appeared, but it was tough to tell. There was no debate that he was pleased that Nyassi had gotten a little comeuppance for his high school dramatic acting.

Despite the loss, TA continued to sing until the final whistle. I captured some video on my new phone, here and here. Overall, it was a successful piece of marketing for the Timbers and nice sales pitch as the team tries to convince Portland to pony up funds for a makeover for PGE Park. It had everything; a packed house, boisterous fans and enjoyable atmosphere. About the only thing more you could have asked for was a victory. That will come when the financial power is more equal.

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Nate Jaqua Will Have Significant Legal Bills In His Future

After his Seattle Sounders won its US Open Cup match against its northwest rival Portland Timbers last night Nate Jaqua was probably riding high. But, allegations of sexual assualt that have surfaced today in his hometown of Eugene, Oregon may be a real downer. A former University of Oregon female soccer player is accusing Jaqua of sexual assault in a civil suit.

The victim claims she and other teammates were at a popular Eugene hangout in 2007 with Jaqua, who was discussing with them the differences between MLS and college soccer. Jaqua, she alleges, insisted on walking her home and then he sexually assaulted her " penetrat[ing] her vagina and anus with his fingers and penis, and then ejaculated and urinated on her." The accuser is seeking $10 million in damages.

Ugh...this does not sound good.

Jaqua is the second Sounder this season to face sexual assault allegations, although these are civil and not criminal. Colombian Fredy Montero was accused of sexual assault earlier this season but those allegations never led to charges.

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Turkey will take ANYONE.



The home of washouts Milan Baros and Antipodean sick note carrier Harry Kewell has bagged another EPL reject... in Citeh striker Darius Vassell!

You read that correctly: DARIUS VASSELL. He found a club to pay him to play soccer!

Wassermann Media Group, take note! Maybe Michael Owen won't be such a hard sell after all.

And, by the looks of the video after the jump, you'd think they'd signed Kaka, a young Platini and Alfredo DiStefano, back from the dead.



Pretty awesome, right? I mean, I'll be honest... if I ever received this kind of warm welcome, I'd be pretty damn happy.

The mania was orchestrated by Ankaragucu chairman Cengiz Topel Yildrim, who wanted to sway his decision (the two sides are still in talks... nothing has been signed yet) from the get-go, and I reckon it'll do the trick: "We aim to secure a big signing as this year is our centenary. He will visit the city and our installations. Then he will make a decision. I hope we can include him in our squad."

Can he at least score with the Vassell ladies? Maybe once every 5 games...


Fingers crossed for you, Cengiz! He orchestrated a convoy of 50 buses and 250 cars(!) to follow his car from the airport to his hotel, and the whole thing looks surreal and kinda brilliant.



Here's hoping Ankaragucu gets the good news it's looking for. Darius Vassell, scorer of 52 goals in 265 games for Aston Villa and Citeh, is on his way to the Turkcell Super Lig.



Stay tuned!

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H1N1 1, Queen of the South 0

Poor Bob Harris.

The Queen of the South defender took a relaxing holiday to Ibiza, home of cranium-pounding techno and loose, drunk women, and ended up coming home with the Swine Flu.

At least it wasn't herpes, right? Right?

He's the second player on the team to be struck with the illness after midfielder Paul Burns, and the team isn't too concerned about a full outbreak.

Said manager Gordon Chisholm: "He caught it while on holiday with his pals in Ibiza but it's no worse than Paul Burns and he's just been told to rest and stay at home until the weekend."

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Ivan Gazidis demands caps

The Arsenal chairman demands a salary cap for the EPL, saying that "clubs have a duty to provide more stability in our business models and some form of wage restraint is one element worth looking at."

Anything to stop United spending that 80 million pounds, really.

[Guardian]

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The Beckham Book is Imminent!


After seeing the excerpt on SI.com, as well as reading the various stories picked up on the newswires, you'd know that Grant Wahl's book on Becks is coming out in less than two weeks, and having read it, I can tell you this: get ready for some catfights in Los Angeles when the preening midfielder gets back to town.

Wahl does a wonderful job in pulling back the curtain and exposing Mr. Beckham as the selfish, conniving milquetoast I've suspected him of being for quite some time. Oh, and that the LA Galaxy is the worst-run franchise in professional sports.

We'll be interviewing Mr. Wahl next week, but in the meantime, get acquainted with the excerpt and laugh at how Landon Donovan orders lamb on his pizza, as well as his wonderfully incendiary comments this morning about Beckypants' return.

Oh, those crazy Californians.

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