Unprofessional Foul
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December 30, 2007

Damn, We’re Good

It was probably funnier in theory than in execution when the idea was hatched inadvertently in an email thread. Someone asked for a preview, and someone else replied with a string of 10 random scores. It was only one small step to make that the schtick for our weekly Prem preview (and in my defense, that was the first time I ever used the BPL locution, but I’m trying to curry favor with the people who have, you know, money).

Anyway, the idea might have fallen by the wayside if we hadn’t done so f**king spectacular. It wasn’t just that we nailed four of the matches, but we nailed maybe the three most unlikely outcomes among the weekend’s fixtures.

We were damn close on four others and only completely missed two. Hell, Roy Keane has blown that many PKs in the last two weeks. We rule.

Call Me Ishmael Kreskin (with Dick Jokes)

Portsmouth 0 – 1 Boro

Just off the draw with Arsenal, who saw a home loss to craptastic Boro? We did.

West Ham 2 – 1 Man U

How quickly people forget that West Ham beat Manchester both home and away last season. Not us.

Wigan 1 – 2 Villa

Wigan sucks. But we’ll take the credit.

Sunderland 3 – 1 Bolton

Sunderland (see: Wigan) and yet they still beat Bolton.

Close Enough to Pat Ourselves on the Back (Our call in parenthesis)

Everton 1 – 4 Arsenal (0-4)

I’ll gladly give up the clean sheet. Why? Because I had Cahill on my fantasy team.

Derby 1 – 2 Blackburn (2-2)

Were we really stupid for thinking Derby might draw? Didn’t some relegation fodder drop a 5-spot on Blackburn last week?

Birmingham 1 -1 Fulham (2-2)

Fulham either draws or loses. We just got the total wrong.

Chelsea 2 -1 Newcastle (3-2)

Really, is Avram Grant going to luck into a stoppage time win every week? A few weeks ago, Big Sam and that mod fag from Fulham would see each other on the sideline. Soon, they run into each other in the unemployment line.

Not Even F**king Close

Tottenham 6 – 4 Reading (3-0)

Berbatov was scoring like Evan Stone at the AVN’s

Man City 0 – 0 Liverpool (3-2 )

Stupid of us not to see a nil-nil draw someplace over the weekend.

So what it lacked in comedy, it might have made up for in accuracy. And that’s enough to try it again. If nothing else, this migh be like that time back in the day where Letterman came out every night for a week and started his monologue with the same joke about the sound of fat people getting up off vinyl furniture during the summer in NYC. By sheer force of will he was either going to make it work, or kill it in a horrible death over and over, shortlived though it might have been.



About the Author

Precious Roy





One Comment


  1. ü75

    Roy Keane?
    Robbie Keane

    I’ll not comment on the other things.



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