Unprofessional Foul
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Contributors

January 16, 2008
 

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

Pepto Bismol is not found in Portugal, instead they have Kaopectate. Perhaps we should export it to them, so that they know what I’m talking about when I say that Benfica’s second jersey looks like a bottle of Pepto Bismol going down.
When I was originally alerted to this shirt (thanks Ian), I was nonplussed. I called upon my vast knowledge of all things football (soccer), and recalled quite a few Mediterranean sides use pink in their kits. Then I looked some more. I was entranced by the particular hue of the pink, lighter than most other pink jerseys. I looked at the pattern. I noticed that, when I let my mind wander, I was drawn back to the Pepto commercials of my youth. Well, my youth and adulthood, since they haven’t really changed.

Did you see that protective coating action? It seemed to follow along a certain gastrointestinal path. A path that looks exactly like the one on the shirt. Perhaps this is one of those shirts that shows you what it’s like inside of the body, kind of like this:

Lest you think that these are just for show, I assure you that these have seen action, albeit not successfully.
Benfica is probably lucky Alexandre Pato was not playing that day, as the wonder kid would have put up at least a hat trick against them. Right, ladies?

Anyway, as an American, I’m just glad I don’t have to see Adu in one of these monstrosities. I think he worked out a clause in his transfer contract that said he can only be pictured in the red jersey, and has to be unavailable on pink jersey matchdays. Doesn’t change the fact that he is still short as all get out.

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Jacob