Unprofessional Foul
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June 16, 2008

Amy Winehouse does not care if you can have her disappeared

We don’t usually delve into the world of Amy Winehouse. Sure, we may have given her a short blurb before, but she is really not our focus. That is, unless she screws over one Roman Abramovich, owner of Chelsea FC, and one of the richest men in the world. Then it’s our territory.

Ms. Winehouse accepted a $2 million payment to perform for Abramovich’s girlfriend at an art gallery opening. However, it was obvious from the time that Winehouse left London for Moscow, she would be in no state to fulfill her musical duties. Trouper that she is, Winehouse staggered to the stage two hours late and performed. Word is, her set was not that great, and her vagina was completely uncovered.

Sorry about that visual.

Headline joke aside, I’m guessing that Abramovich does not even care. Wasting $2 million on Winehouse is probably the rough equivalent of me buying a water gun at the dollar store. If it works, great, I can annoy my dog. If not, oh well, it was only a dollar. Forbes estimated his wealth at $18.7 billion last year, and that was before he got rid off the free-spending Mourinho. He can afford a few $2 million disappointments now and then.

My favorite passage in this article, though, has to do with why Winehouse needs the money so badly. Against all odds, it’s not for drug debts (although that surely plays a role), but to have some British lifers looks after her husband while he is in prison. Can you imagine being one of these guys?

Inmate 1: Cor, blimey. That’s the mate of that Winehead lass. I wonder what we can get out of him.

Inmate 2: Don’t know mate, maybe we can shake him down for a few quid by threatening him with our knuckle tattoos.

Inmate 1:Not going to work, man, have you seen his girl?

Inmate 2:You’re right. Perchance to dream, we can ask for, (Austin Powers imitation) one MILLION pounds.

Blake Fielder-Civil: I’ll do it! Just don’t hurt me. *sobs*

At least, this is how this American (and a southerner at that) believes that very special episode of British Oz would go.



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