NY Red Bull v. Seattle Sounders: Your MLS Liveblog

The 2009 MLS season kicks off (get it?) with last year’s suprise contender, the NY Red Bull, against this year’s publicity darling, the expansion franchise Seattle Sounders FC. The latter are under the direction of new gaffer Sigi Schmid, who lead the Columbus Crew to the MLS title last year. They make their entrance in a big way tonight, with a sold-out Qwest Field and a highlighted match on ESPN2 (available in HD!). Unfortunately, this match also goes up against 4 first-round matchups from March Madness (although odds are good that 2 of those games will be done before kick-off). Loopy from too much basketball today? Join in down below!

Seattle come into this match with a bit of uncertainty about their squad. Vagenas (stop giggling) is out, while Ljunberg and Zakuani are questionable. Luckily for them, Montero is back from South America after clearing up his visa issues. NY, on the other hand, come into the match at full strength, minus back-up keeper Conway due to his suspension for a substance abuse violation which keeps him out until April 11th.

The expected line-up for Seattle is:
GK – Keller
DEF – Riley; Ianni; Marshall; Sturgis
MID – King; Evans; Alonso
ST – Montero; Jaqua; Le Toux

The expected line-up for NY is:
GK – Cepero
DEF – Goldthwaite; Petke; Mendes
MID – Hall; Ubiparipovic; Sassano; Richards; Rojas
ST – Kandji; Angel

20 minutes until kick-off, and neither ESPN nor MSLnet have the actual starting line-ups. Glad to see that they are on the ball.

O/U on Drew Carey appearances: 7
O/U on Drew Magary appearances: 1

So, given his recent smack-talk, what is the projected beatdown that the Galaxy put on the Sounder in their first match?

5 minutes until kick-off, and ESPN and MLSnet still don’t have the starting line-ups. Way to promote the game!

Everyone hold on – I am going to liveblog this match on Facebook, using Twitter, through my cell phone.

So, if this NIT game goes to overtime, the MLS match gets screwed, right?

Audio cut to Stoner, who tells the NIT game to Hurry The F**k Up!

OK, we officially have:
Red Bull NY
1 – Danny Cepero (GK)
2 – Kevin Goldthwaite
4 – Carlos Mendes
8 – Sinisa Ubiparipovic
9 – Juan Pablo Angel
10 – Macoumba Kandji
12 – Mike Petke
13 – Jorge Rojas
19 – Dane Richards
23 – Juan Pietravallo
27 – Andrew Boyens

Seattle Sounders:
18 – Kasey Keller (GK)
3 – Brad Evans
6 – Osvaldo Alonso
7 – James Riley
9 – Sebastien Le Toux
14 – Tyrone Marshall
17 – Fredy Montero
20 – Zach Scott
21 – Nate Jaqua
23 – Sanna Nyassi
34 – Jhon Kennedy Hurtado

00:00 – Buckle up, kids!

00:00 – First Drew Carey appearance. And, whoa, that’s a lot of bright green.

00:00 – Light banter between Stoner and Alexi Lalas, who just doesn’t look right with short hair.

00:00 – Oh, good. Let’s talk about Beckham some more.

00:01 – And we’re off! Finally.

00:40 – Red Bull dominating possession. All 1 minute of it! Ubiparivpovic (Ubi from now on) goes down, but no call. Seattle throw leads to nothing.

02:20 – It has been noted (rightly) that Seattle’s kits provide perfect camoflage against the pitch. Perhaps that is why they are missing each other with their passes?

03:20 – Alonso runs over Rojas, who looks like someone just kicked his dog. The resulting free-kick is wasted.

04:30 – First good touch from Montero is well-taken, and he is fouled. This kid could definitely be something special. Ball eventually comes into Cepero, who collects it easily.

06:10 – A Stooge-like pass from Seattle goes out for a NY throw. The ball goes up the line to absolutely nobody. Sloppy on both sides, but Nyassi eventually gets off a shot that Cepero takes easily.

07:20 – Ball comes into to the box to Montero and Petke muffs the first clearance, but manages to get a boot on it and put it out.

08:25 – Ball into Angel, but he is offsides. We travel to the other end where Montero tries to get onto the end of long pass but Petke ushers the ball out for a goal kick.

11:00 – GOAL! Seattle 1-0 Red Bull. The Sounders work the ball well around the top of the box and Montero puts the ball across the goal to the far post. Cepero looked a little lost in goal. Assist from Le Toux.

12:00 – Alonso picks up a YC as he trips Angel at the top of the box. The resulting kick is well over the bar.

14:00 – The ball squirts down the touchline to Nyassi (as the Red Bull defender falls over), but Jaqua puts the shot just wide of the goal.

15:40 – Defensively, NY are looking a little overwhelmed. Their marking is poor, but on the positive side their passing is…poor?

17:20 – NY get a corner kick after Scott (who is looking a little lost himself) can’t keep the ball inbounds. The kick goes to the far post and Nyassi puts it out for a throw. The next ball comes into the box but is headed clear.

19:50 – As Nyassi runs past Goldthwaite, the latter reaches out and grabs him for a YC.

21:20 – Kandji, who looks a bit like Drogba, is fouled by Hurtado. The free-kick comes out to Richards who dribbles into the box and then puts it over the endline.

22:00 – Drew Carey sighting #2!

22:35 - Nyassi abuses Goldthwaite again, and gets off a shot, but it is stopped by Cepero.

23:00 – A ball over the top from Le Toux is well-take by Cepero at the edge of the box for the clearance. The ball comes back again and Montero shoots wide.

24:30 – GOAL! Seattle 2-0 Red Bull. Cepero is absolutely abused like a rented mule as Evans receives the ball in the box and nutmegs him.

26:30 – Alonso wins a free-kick after some mild contact and a Pederson-like dive. The kick comes into the box where Cepero takes it after muffing his first touch.

28:40 - Riley receives a ball over the top in the box, but his centering pass is cleared. Seattle is absolutely running roughshod over the Red Bull.

30:06 – Le Toux gets off a shot that is deflected up into Cepero’s arms. Surprisingly, he holds on to it.

31:30 – After some extremely poor passing from NY, they luck when the ball hits Murtado in the arm. He gets a YC and the Red Bull get a free-kick at the top of the box. Rojas puts it into the wall.

33:30 – It’s Richard Alpert v. John Legend on the pitch!

35:30 – Nyassi is played through and is barely offside. Lucky for Cepero, because the keeper grabbed Nyassi as he shot past him. Oh, and we had Drew Carey sighting #3.

37:20 – Richards goes down as he tries to cross and the ball comes back into his face.

39:00 – I saw better passing last night in the game before mine in my rec league. It was a U-10 girls match.

40:00 – John Harkes says it was a “probing, teasing, ball.” He must have spent last night with Lance Armstrong.

41:01 – Corner kick for Seattle taken by Le Toux. He doesn’t get it up high enough, and Angel puts it out for a throw. The next ball is cleared out to midfield.

42:30 – Shot from Le Toux goes over the bar. The Frenchman, last year’s USL MVP, is looking more comfortable as the match progresses.

43:50 – Throw in deep for NY, and the ball comes in to the box only to be cleared by Le Toux.

44:50 – I do believe that Harkes’ favorite word is “suspect”, as he has now referred to the passing in this match as “suspect” at least 8 times.

HALF-TIME – Seattle 2-0 Red Bull. NY started well for the first 5-10 minutes, but then the Sounders started to exert control. 3 Drew Carey sightings, and from the look and sound of things, I do believe that “Green Street Hooligans” was given to each member of the crowd as a model for their scarf-wearing, chanting behavior.

Stoner asks Garber his impresison of the first half. Response – “it’s what I hoped soccer could be in this country.” I hope he’s talking about the fan support in Seattle, because the product on the pitch is s**te.

Garber’s promised revelation doesn’t come, as he doesn’t specifically state who is getting the next franchise. They promptly show a shot of Portland as Garber says he is moving south for the announcement. Smooth. What a well-kept secret.

SIDE NOTE: I believe that Daniel Negreanu and Phil Ivey have a serious gambling addiction.

QUESTION: Why doesn’t the women’s NCAA tournament have a play-in game between #64 and #65?

45:00 – Borman on for Ubiporipovic (NY). Boyens had come on for Hall at some point in the first half, but I was napping.

46:30 – A Delap-like throw from Goldthwaite causes some minor confusion, but Seattle clear.

47:50 – Corner from Rojas for NY gets pushed to the top of the box. Shot goes wide.

51:10 – Ball into the box for Seattle and Cepero comes out well for it.

52:38 – some nice work gets the ball to Angel at the top of the box, but Seattle clear all the way out to Le Toux, who was in alone but gets stopped by Hall.

53:30 – Wait! Nate Jaqua is white?

55:05 – Harkes wants Seattle to “tease NY before penetrating.” Sick bastard.

57:00 – Oh good. The Sounders fans have started the generic “Ole. Ole, Ole, Ole.” chant.

59:20 – Yet another ball into the box for Seattle. It’s cleared down the line and the Red Bull force a corner on the counter-attack. The ball is played in to the 6, and Keller takes it easily.

SIDE NOTE: As a GK, I have never once worn long pants. Thus, Kasey Keller is a nancy.

60:30 – Angel plays a nice through-ball, but Kandji is offsides.

62:00 – A very nasty tackle on Angel by Scott, but he gets away without a card. Studs up nasty. The free-kick is cleared by Nyassi.

64:30 – Good work from Seattle, but the ball bounces around in the box and Le Toux gets caught offside.

SIDE NOTE: Bigus would like everyone to know that Harkes is talking out his ass, as he stated that Ljunberg has played as a second striker throughout his career, which Bigus maintains is false.

67:00 – Another YC for the match. I missed who it was to, as I was following Bigus’ directions.

67:45 – #1 draft choice Zakuani in for Nyassi.

68:00 – Kandji in on goal and Keller absolutely stones him.

70:00 – A nice ball to the back post from Richards to Angel comes back across the goal and is cleared. The ball eventually winds up to Rojas who gets off a great shot, which Keller barely tips over the bar. The following corner is taken easily by Keller.

71:00 – A Seattle counter leads to Zakuani getting the ball near the spot, but Cepero comes up big to deny him. The corner is taken by Le Toux, but Cepero grabs it.

72:30 – Richards leads with the elbow in going up for a header and Keller takes the resulting free-kick, which goes over the opposite touchline for a goal kick.

SIDE NOTE: u75 also wore pants in goal. He is also nancy.

74:22 – GOAL! Seattle 3-0 Red Bull. Montero gets a brace as he walks the ball up to the top of the box after dispossessing Petke and faking out Cepero.

76:35 – We have to assume that Montero is now on pace to score 132 goals this season.

78:22 – A long pass into the box for Angel is cleared by Riley. The throw goes back down the line and winds up played out by Seattle. Montero gets taken down on the counter, but it’s only a throw, rather than a free-kick. Sigi Schmid complains to the 4th official about the tackle, and the center ref comes over to admonish him.

81:00 – The passing from NY has been atrocious throughout most of this match. Goldthwaite and Jaqua get tangled up and roll around on the floor. Harkes informs us that they are fine. WHEW!

81:00 – A nice ball from Le Toux is wasted, as neither Jaqua nor Alonso can get on to the end of it.

83:50 – Richards gets in to the box and then goes down like a geriatric hooker around Wayne Rooney. No PK is given, and he looks dejected.

85:00 – Seattle get even more pressure at the top of the box, and NY are unable to clear. The ball finally trickles out for a Red Bull throw.

87:20 – Another ball into the box from Le Toux, and Cepero does well to get a hand on it and push it clear of danger.

89:00 – Rojas dribbles through half of the Seattle midfield and then crosses wide. NY again fail to do anything with their work and are forced to retreat to midfield.

90:30 – Montero off to a standing ovation for his brace. Levesque comes on in his place.

91:50 – Alonso takes a shot that is well over the crossbar, which Harkes says “is not a bad strike.” It’s the last touch of the match.

FULL-TIME: Seattle 3-0 Red Bull. Impressive brace from Montero, and Seattle is off to a good start. NY, on the other hand, are s**te.