Nul points, pronounced ‘nil pwa’, also known as the response from fussy French judges who certainly don’t like a song in the yearly Eurovision song contest.
Ahh, The Eurovision song contest. Bigus’ youth comes flying back; Saturday nights sat in front of the box, Terry Wogan’s quiet tone, softly introducing videos featuring the contestants. Jan from a small town in Sweden, maybe he was a math teacher? We would learn of his weird hobbies and all about the boring town he lived in. Cue Jan and his song, possibly titled ‘Walla ding dang dong’. Then on to Turkey for more of the same. Then? Two more hours of the worst music imaginable before the voting begins.
This year Chelsea fans tried to scupper a certain contestant. But it was not the dreadful music that inspired the Saaaath Laaaandoners to turn their thoughts to the worst gathering of musicians since the Monsters of Rock festival in 1983.
As Precious Roy told us last week, Chelsea fans were so disgruntled at referee Tom Henning Ovrebo after his performance during their Champions League semi, second-leg, that they decided to target his countryman at ‘The Eurovision Song Contest’. Childish I know, but amusing all the same.
Pointless and redundant? Yeah, kinda… as Norway won.
The winning song was performed by Alexander Rybak. The song itself is a frightful three minutes, built from mind-numbing lyrics and bad fiddling (think The Levellers without dirty hair and caravans), accompanied by some dancing that would look at home at a Russian wedding. Here it is below. Please do not watch straight after eating.
Norway went to Russia for a winner. Cheats!
Now, those of you are genuinely interested in this yearly gathering of bad amateur musicians, I’ll share a couple of the most popular Euro songs of all time. Be prepared to laugh, cry and maybe vomit.
First, the song that propelled a certain bunch of Swedes to stardom, infiltrating Bigus’ house for years as his mother dusted in time to their records…
Abba 1974. Hmmm.
1981. Great Britain’s entry by Bucks Fizz. Oh lord, why!
1969, Lulu wins for Great Britain! Get in Lulu.
Britain win again in 1976. The Brotherhood of Man! The choreography in the chorus is mind-blowing.
Dutch band? Teach-in sing 1975 winner Ding a Dong!
“Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley”. Nuff said.
The contest has been running for 57 years. This year’s results can be viewed here.