English Premier League Previews (Suck It, Barclays!): West Ham United

Beware the Hammers?

In order to prepare properly for the next ten glorious months of hot club-on-club action, we’re previewing various leagues from around the globe.

Next up, our bread and butter, the best league in the world… the English Premier League (Suck it, Barclays!)

Let’s get our learn on.

Say West Ham United, and you immediately think of the name Björgólfur Guðmundsson. No? Shaka Hislop? Paolo di Canio? Alright, alright. Those from a certain era most likely think of Bobby Moore, while most people these days will reflect upon the transfer saga of Javier Mascherano and Carlito Tevez. Poor Sheffield United, having to deal with the stench of failure while all the time looking at Kia Joorabchian’s vile grin. But who are the Hammers, and what are they capable of in the coming EPL season?

The Boleyn Ground

Founded in 1895 as Thames Ironworks, The Hammers (also known as The Irons) play at the Boleyn Ground in Upton Park under the guidance of gaffer Gianfranco Zola. Their supporters have seen some mild success in the FA Cup, with championships in 1964, 1975 and 1980, and a 2nd-place finish in 2006. West Ham also won the Intertoto Cup in 1999. The club’s best EPL finish was in 1998/1999, when they ascended all the way to 5th place. Last season they finished 9th after a slow start. Nearing relegation on Boxing Day, Zola lead his charges to near-qualification for Europe with an excellent second half.

West Ham’s EPL fate for the next few years, however, will always be inextricably linked with the signings of Mascherano and Tevez in August 2006. Smelling the rat Joorabchian, the signings were investigated by the Premier League and the club was found guilty. However, while fined £5.5 million, West Ham were crucially not given any points deduction. Winning 7 of their final 9 matches, the club escaped relegation with a 1-0 victory over newly-crowned champions Manchester United on a goal from…you guessed it…Carlito Tevez. In fact, the Argentinean striker had 7 goals in the run-in, with 5 of those coming in crucial match situations. This turn of events lead to drawn-out threats of legal action from several other clubs, most notably Sheffield United, who had been relegated.

Obviously Tevez and Mascherano have long since both moved on, with the former making his tour of the city of Manchester. So who will Gianfranco run out on the pitch this season? Well, West Ham has had a strikingly boring transfer season to date, bringing in Peter Kurucz (Ujpest FC), Fabio Daprela (Grasshoppers), Frank Nouble (Chelsea), Jack Lampe (Harlow Town), and Luis Jimenez (loan from Inter). While some are excited about the latter, the midfielder only played in 6 matches last year (only starting 2) and 0 goals and 1 assist. More troublingly, the Chilean has not played for his national team in some time.

Robert, please stop with those pants.

It seems that chairman Andrew Bernhardt has faith in the Hammers squad that finished 9th, believing that they are certainly capable of a push for a Europe League spot this season. In the back this club begins and ends with GK Robert Green. The Norwich City academy product played in all 38 EPL matches last season, and kept a clean sheet in 10 of them while starring for my fantasy team. All this despite his penchant for wearing capri pants while in goal.  The club were certainly thankful to have his prowess between the posts, as his defense was somewhat leaky. This year’s backline will feature some untested talent, as Jonathan Spector and Daniel Gabbidon are expected to join mainstays Herita Ilunga and Matthew Upson. However, the latter may not be at Upton Park for long, as he has attracted interest from Manchester City.

The club is a bit more well-stocked at midfield, with Kieron Dyer, Scott Parker, Luis Boa Morte (now injured), Mark Noble, Luis Jimenez, Julien Faubert and Valon Behrami all competing for the likely 4 available spots. If Zola does indeed use a 4-4-2 in order to feature Jimenez, expect the other 3 spots to go Parker, Behrami and Faubert. Up top we will almost certainly see the strike-force tandem of West Ham’s other Norwich City product, Dean Ashton, partnered with Carlton Cole (AKA “Can’t Control”).

The Hammers are 500-1 odds to win the EPL, and 14-1 to be relegated. If they get full, productive seasons out of Spector, Ashton and Savio Nsereko, they could go as high as 6th or 7th, particularly if youngsters Noble, Nouble, and Jack Collison increase the pace of their development. As it stands, I would see them finishing in 8th place.

And no West Ham preview would be complete without noting that: (1) they enjoy singing a tune called “Bubbles”; and (2) their main rivals are Millwall. These two factors unfortunately lead us to this: