unprofessional foul
Thursday September 2nd 2010

Craig Bellamy to Box Floyd Mayweather

Bellamy's sparring partner.
Bellamy's sparring partner.

You may not be aware of this, but Manchester City and Manchester United had themselves quite the football match over this past weekend. Timekeeping shenanigans aside, there was quite a bit of action on the pitch as 7 goals were scored with wee Mikey Owen getting the match-winner in stoppage time.

So, the Super Happy Arabian Fun Club lost their derby match despite a brace from Craig Bellamy, and when Craiggers loses, he gets very cranky. So when 21 year-old Jake Clarke ran on to the pitch at Old Trafford, Bellamy rushed over to hug punch sissy-slap him.

The Greater Manchester Police have charged Clarke with “going on to a playing area without lawful authority or excuse”, and the young man will face the Trafford Magistrate’s Court on September 30th (mark your calendars!). We’re all well aware that Craig Bellamy is a douchebag of the highest order, but just to refresh your memory, here are some of his greatest hits (literally!):

1. In 2002 Bellamy allegedly assaulted a woman outside of a Newcastle nightclub.

2. In 2003 Bellamy was accused of using a racial slur against a bouncer at a Newcastle nightclub from which he had been ejected.

That looks heavy.
That looks heavy.

3. In 2004 Bellamy threw a chair at coach John Carver while in an airport lounge awaiting their flight to a UEFA Cup match against Real Mallorca.

4. In 2005 Bellamy told Newcastle gaffer Graeme Souness that he did not appreciate being forced to play on the right side of the midfield, and stated that he would fake an injury to avoid playing in that position before a match against Arsenal.

5. Also in 2005, Bellamy (having now left Newcastle)  sent insulting text messages to former teammate Alan Shearer after Newcastle’s loss to Manchester United in the FA Cup semi-finals.

Bellamy
Steven Gerrard is amused by Bellamy's celebration.

6. In 2007 Bellamy was so incensed with Liverpool teammate John Arne-Riise for not participating in a team karaoke event that he took after him with a golf club. In the match immediately after the incident (away to Barcelona in the Champions League), Bellamy scored the equalizer and mimicked a golf swing in celebration. To top off the evening, Bellamy then had an assist to Riise for the match-winner.

7. In 2008 Bellamy got into an altercation with a female Ipshit supporter, responding with vulgar language (I never!) when the bin woman told him to “Get on then, Bellamy” – he gets a pass for this one because, really, who can blame him?

Craig-Bellamy-gers-into-a-002
Mama said knock you out!

And so we come to this past weekend. While the police have confirmed that they will be looking into Bellamy’s behavior as well, it is unlikely that any charges will be pressed (although the FA may still act).  While many angles of the fracas appear to show Bellamy punching Jake Clarke, several of the news reports have stated that he only used his hand to “shove” Clarke in the face. Either way, it’s hard not to be amused when: (a) some jackass runs onto the pitch and is manhandled by a player; and (b) said jackass is a ManUre supporter.

That said, Craig Bellamy is still a massive douche, having gotten into some sort of donnybrook at every stop of his career, whether with opposing supporters or his own teammates/gaffer.

Note to Craiggers – your £650,000 ($1,050,000) contribution to establish the Craig Bellamy Foundation (promoting football in Sierra Leone) is nice, but it doesn’t erase the stink of 30 years worth of vinegar. I’m betting you probably peed on your gaffer at Bristol Rovers when you were a 9 year-old budding starlet.

18 Comments for “Craig Bellamy to Box Floyd Mayweather”

  • Norfolk Ned says:

    I love Craig Bellamy.

  • Georger says:

    All I know is: never bet on the white guy.

  • The NY Kid says:

    @Ned – I heard that Craig Bellamy laughed about Huckerby having to retire.

  • Lingering Bursitis says:

    We’re quite good at breeding fellas like this in the UK; flashes of talent, too much personality, and ultimately known for their failures and transgressions as opposed to the good stuff they put out on the pitch.

    Rooney will be next

  • Georger says:

    Still wish we had sold Riise and kept him after his first year though.

  • The Fan's Attic says:

    Run on the field, get punched by a player. Sounds good to me. Let’s call it even Steven.

  • James T says:

    But, but, fans pay ticket prices and can do whatever they want!

    /rehash of Adebayor celebrations incident and subsequent counterargument

  • phil says:

    +1 to TFA for shoe-horning a Stevie G joke in there.

  • phil says:

    @JT (LB?): I hate that argument more than almost any other. Forking over the ticket price is not a license to behave like a jackass.

  • Ryan says:

    Are we going to get a Diouf rap sheet run down today as well?

  • jjf3 says:

    I still have no idea WTF BFS sees in El Hadj Douche…he takes horrible corners that he shouldn’t be taking, he has Bobby Zamora’s scoring touch in front of goal, and he’s repeatedly proven that he’s a complete piece of shit as a human being. Other than that, he’s a mediocre player who pisses off just about everyone on the pitch…

  • Ryan says:

    To which he says, ” Fuck off, white boy”

  • James T says:

    @Phil (yep, I’m coming out from behind the blogger curtain!)

    And yes, I hate that argument too. Last time I checked, I couldn’t just shit on the bus driver because I’d bought a ticket

  • kerry says:

    i love craig bellamy im so gutted that he is married aww
    xxx

  • football gifts says:

    Bellamy v Mayweather doesn’t even sound good on paper, as Bellamy likes to hit women or fans with their hands held behind their backs, neither would apply to Mayweather, so I would give the fight around 15 seconds (10 of which being the count out) which may not make great pay-per-view viewing, but I might pay my £14.50 just to see Bellamy get his loud mouth shut once and for all


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