Fun with breakaway leagues

van Praag, the inventor of the North Atlantic League, the inflatable dartboard, and the chocolate fireguard

Back in the 1990s, a Dutch guy had a dream for a glorious league in which Europe’s second-tier teams would have themselves a ball. Fearful of being lost amid the money and branding of the EPL, Serie A, La Liga and the Bundesliga, he thought up a competition for Holland, Belgium, Scandinavian countries, Portugal and… Scotland… all in the hopes of keeping them competitive and sharp. The fixture list would burst with energy, year after year; Sporting Lisbon v. Brondby. Charleroi v. IFK Gothenburg. Feyenoord v. Cercle Brugge.

He called it the North Atlantic League. Such vision! Such branding!

Unsurprisingly, the dream died before it had even been given a cool logo and pansexual mascot.

But the idea is back, now that the Dutch guy is head of the Dutch FA and has some pull within UEFA. And of course, like any and all breakaway leagues, the Old Firm want in. Why? Because they clearly cannot stand their godawful league.

The Dutchman is Michael van Praag, and in the last decade, he’s worked his way up and now has pride of place on UEFA’s executive committee where he’s a valued member. And honestly, what better time to relaunch a bad idea when you’re a. somewhat influential and b. part of an organization that is amazing at creating and executing bad ideas?!?!?

van Praag, speaking yesterday for no particular reason, gushed over his new-found power and the awesomeness of his idea: “There was no way we could push that through because Uefa at that time were conservative and full of fear. Now I am part of Uefa myself and, for this course, I can begin the lobby. It makes sense to start the lobbying now.”

Yes, begin the lobby now. It’s totally the right time, because Platini and friends gave so much time and attention to the G-14 or G15.

Interestingly enough, the Old Firm are split on this particular breakaway notion; Celtic’s chief exec Peter Lawwell quipped that the league sounded like “Frankenstein”, while Rangers couldn’t care less. Anything has to be better than trips to St. Mirren for them, right?

“Uefa themselves realise something has to be done to help the growth of clubs from smaller nations and, in turn, to protect the competitive nature of the Champions League,” said Rangers suit Martin Bain. “To hear someone of the stature of the president of the Dutch FA saying the time is right to begin serious discussions merely confirms what we ourselves believe. We welcome it and would hope these talks begin soon.”

Let’s be clear on something here. The only breakaway league that could work is one involving really good, really popular teams. An indie league topped with Real Madrids and Manchester Uniteds will not leave much TV revenue or sponsorship for a league populated by Rangers and RSC Anderlecht. Much like the Europa League and Champions League, we’d see one tournament get all the attention during prime times while the other just kinda happens on random Thursdays with 6pm kick-offs without much fanfare.

Still, I enjoy the quiet desperation of Celtic and Rangers, two teams who couldn’t make their wanderlust more obvious. Whether it’s for monetary reasons or prestige, the pair just cannot wait to play anywhere but where they exist. It’s a shame they can’t just take a page from the then-Baltimore Colts and simply up and move to somewhere more advantageous.

Until then, let’s dream of how abyssmal this North Atlantic League would be, while also wondering what other half-baked breakaway league ideas Ranger and Celtic would gush over.

UPDATE: Apparently several clubs are already interested and have signed on some hypothetical dotted line. Those clubs? Rangers (though they’d rather join the EPL, natch… at this point, ANYTHING WILL DO), Feyenoord, PSV Eindhoven, Anderlecht, Brondby, and IFK Stockholm. Don’t all rush out to pre-order tickets at once, folks!