Clown Kills 10 Columbian Footballers

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Yeah, we like to joke about how crazy South American soccer is, but this story ups the ante, and is as bizarre as the headline implies.

The bodies of ten Columbian soccer players have been found across the border in Venezuela. Local authorities are reporting they are the same players—from a team known as the Peanut Men because the sell peanuts along the border of the two countries—who had been kidnapped two weeks ago. The ELN, a left wing paramilitary group (not to be confused with the horse bombers in the FARC), are thought to be responsible.

The bodies were found with multiple gunshot wounds. Either by minor miracle or very deliberate intent, one player survived. The survivor apparently confirmed that a wing of the ELN led by a man who goes by the name of El Payaso (the Clown) was responsible.

The Beeb reports: “There is no clear motive for the violence although there is some speculation that it relates to enforced recruitment to their army.”

Couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.