Let the bidding war begin...

It might be time to stop laughing at Newcastle fans. Really, those fat, sad, fat people. The latest news is that still-owner Mike Ashley (Seriously, how hard is it to sell a team? Pompey’s done it twice in a week!) has decided to hawk the naming rights for St. James’ Park in an effort to raise cash to, I guess, help make the club’s massive wage bill. Now, it’s one thing to auction off the title for a newly constructed stadium, one that cost a whole lot to build. But taking a 107 year old monument to Northern football majesty and pimping it off to the highest bidder? And it has such a sweet name. Who is this little St. James, or all these wee Saint Jameses? They surely cry.

There’s so much to be sad about at Newcastle these days…

…and that’s acknowledging that they’ve adjusted quite well to the Colaship, where they currently sit top and look a good bet to return to the big leagues next summer.

First and foremost, there’s the ownership situation. Sit a minute and think back about two years ago, or whenever Ashley made his 41 percent. There was Big Sam. There was the strip club incident. Then the stupidity with Keegan (who’s a moron too, but that’s ok, he was a sick player). Then the stupidity with Joe Kinnear (who’s a moron too, but that’s ok, he’s a sick interview). There was the pitiful run-in with Shearer as manager and of course the inevitable fall. All the while Chunky McAshenface put the club up for sale, then decided to keep it, then wrote an open letter to supporters saying, among other equally stupid but less melodramatic things, “I hope that the fans get what they want and that the next owner is someone who can lavish the amount of money on the club that the fans want.” The thing read like a love note from an hormonal teen after a thorough edit by a corporate lawyer.

Worst of all is the managerial situation. I believe the position belongs to Chris Hughton. Maybe we can call him the common law manager? **I’m an idiot. He’s been given an season-and-a-half lease. Hardly a cast-iron commitment** The guy’s been running the show for months now, and did during one of those pre- or post-Kinnear phases last year.

Still no challenge for Martin O'Neill

Credit to him for sticking in there as Zombie Alan Shearer stalks around the city waiting for a new owner and purchase power before putting his oh-so-esteemed self back on the firing line. If Shearer is the sexy but unattainable kind, then Hughton is the homely girl who Newcastle takes home every Saturday night, but won’t ever be acknowledged formally as the girlfriend. What’s wrong? Is it that octogenarian-style tuck job he does with his sweatpants? C’mon NUFC, make an honest bloke of Chris Hughton!

And while you’re at it, here’s the Likely Lad with twenty bucks to bid! If I win I’ll defer the decision to Cheryl Tweedy’s dad.