Give me your finest clocks and ornaments

It's. So. WONDERFUL!

Diniyar Bilyaletdinov is a tough name to spell.  So you’ll forgive Diniyar if, while trying to learn how to print his name in Western script, he doesn’t have the brain power to figure out when his teammates are having a laugh with him.  For example, when warning him that local thieves have been targeting football player residences, they somehow got him to believe that useless knick knacks were their target.

According to the Daily Mail (so take everything with a grain of salt), DinBilly, while warning off would-be robbers, said that robbing him was useless because he “was told that robbers come for all kinds of clocks and ornaments”, and he doesn’t have any.  Also, he wondered if they would come for a TV and, if so, why?

Finally, DinBilly, while acknowledging that he has a safe and thieves coerce their marks into opening them during home invasions, said that would also be useless because he doesn’t know how to open it.  Yes, if there is one thing that people who break into your house because you make much more than they do believe, it’s that you just don’t know how to open the safe in your flat.  Either learn the combination or get rid of it son.  Otherwise, you’ll be on the wrong end of yet another knife crime.

There’s some other wonders in the linked article.  One: DinBilly is a whiny baby who cannot enjoy his first EPL goal because he was sent off in the same match.  Two: Everton has held a team meeting about H1N1, but no one’s been vaccinated.  Three: he sure does talk a lot, and well, for a guy who has been in the country for a couple of months.  I don’t think Capello had said an English word in the same time span in country.

But yeah, if there is one thing to take away from this article, it’s a travel advisory.  Don’t travel to Liverpool with a watch, clock or cache of Christmas ornaments.  You will be set upon faster than a man dressed as a sheep on a train to Aberdeen.