New Feature: Club Insignia of the Week

At UF, we love to begin new features, only to dump them all slowly over time due to lack of interest, or plain alcohol-induced forgetfulness. This one shall be no different, but we shall try nonetheless to have some fun.

In the vein of our longest-running feature, GBWTF, we’re also going to look at that other side of club self-expression, the team badge. Most of these hark back to history or tradition, while some look like they were hastily photoshopped by a 12-year-old with ADHD. Regardless, we shall approach these proud crests with an analytical, whimsical eye, not caring for “facts” or “accuracy”. After all, isn’t that what blogs do?

And thus, our inaugural entry awaits.

FC Smorgon

FC Smorgon, Belarusian Premier League

The proud residents of small Belarusian town Smarhon, a place famous for its now-abandoned air force base, applied the local heritage to their club’s insignia. Within that garish, gold/green swoop lies the town coat of arms, a collared bear creature clutching what looks to be a piece of African folk art. It is a proud beast that still stalks the village streets, showing off its cultural artifact to residents and visitors as they go about their business. Quite why, or how, the bear acquired this plaque is unquestioned, along with the basketball netting lurking beneath his feet (or, if you’re a fan of skewed perspectives, that sits in the foreground while our ursine hero stalks in the middle distance). That’s how the folk of Smarhon like it; a series of visual non-sequiturs, strung together and slapped on a cheap-polyester soccer shirt for the rest of the BPL to marvel at.

Beyond all that imagined folklore, it’s a fine example of how graphic design never quite made it that far east. At least it has served the club well on their gradual rise through the mire that is Belarusian soccer; from the frosty provinces of the 3rd Division and below in 1998, to an underwhelming first season in the top flight in 2007. Still, they are gushing with pride, as best evidenced by their sole foreigner on the squad, Lithuanian goalkeeper Eduardas Kurskis.

Does that name ring any bells? u75, perhaps?

While you ponder, I’ll spoil the surprise — Kurskis was responsible for a memorable gaffe during his inexplicable, brief loan spell at Hearts of Midlothian in the SPL. His resume positively shines – 3 appearances between the posts, and 3 crushing/hilarious defeats. The first, a straightforward 2-1 defeat to Motherwell. The next, a 2-1 loss at Rangers, was entirely Kurskis-caused thanks to his 87th minute decision to throw the ball over his own shoulder and into his own net. Miraculously, they let him remain in goal for a 3rd straight game, despite no discernible injuries to those goalies above him in the pecking order, and boy, did he repay them; two soft goals conceded already, Kurskis had the goodwill to get sent off for violent conduct after his club had used all their substitutes. Hearts put a young defender in goal to play out the remaining minutes, and the lad promptly conceded the game-winning goal in injury time.

Such is the life and times of FC Smorgon’s Eduardas Kurskis. If the team is lucky, that art-fiend bear on their badge will rise and devour the moron whole.