Unprofessional Foul
`



Uncategorized

November 16, 2009

Chelsea’s Doctors Suck; Death Rattle Cause Revealed.

Reservoir Drogs. Didier practices for the role of Mr Orange in the inevitable remake.

Reservoir Drogs. Didier practices for the role of Mr Orange in the inevitable remake.

Apparently the Drogba death rattle performed last weekend, against Manchester United, was the result of a broken rib. Well not according to Cheslea’s doctors, they declared that Johnny Evans ’kung fu’ clearance had left just bruising on the Chelsea thespians chest. Ivory Coast Dr’s disagreed with the Cheslea prognosis and they say that Droba has a broken rib, revealed by their X-Ray.

Now, I have but 2 questions. How on earth did Chelsea’s Dr’s miss this after Drogba’s scan? And will the DVD of last weeks game be allowed as entry into the ‘best film’ category at the Academy Awards to allow Drogba to claim the best actor Oscar that he so rightly deserves?

Not since Tim Roth writhed around on the blood soaked back seat of Harvey Keitel’s car have I seen such an incredible performance of discomfort. Impressive indeed. Almost as if Drogba was sharing his talents with the World, performing for movie directors around the globe. Cantona managed to  take the acting world by storm (eeek) so why shouldn’t Drogba? I have lobbied the Academy and demanded that such a performance be considered. Stay tuned.

Reservoir Drogs is not the only remake that would suit the Chelsea front man. How about ‘Slumdrog Millionaire’, ‘The Aviator’, “Broke-rib Mountain’, ‘Crash Dive’,  ’The Dirty Dozen’, ‘Dirty Dancing’, ‘Its a Mad, Mad, World’ , My Left Foot’ and ‘Legends of the Fall’. Leave yours in the comments. 

Meanwhile, Chelsea have a little bit on an injury crisis to ponder. Drogba has 3-4 weeks to attend auditions as his injury will mean no football until the middle of December. Lampard is out for a month, Cole has a fractured shin and Bosingwa won’t be back until February after knee surgery. John Terry missed the pointless England B team exercise on Saturday with a swollen ankle. No news yet if he will be missing from Chelsea’s upcoming schedule.



About the Author

Norfolk Ned
I like football. What else is there to say?




22 Comments


  1. Georger

    So you’re suggesting if a guy gets kicked in the chest and breaks a rib, he should be composed enough to not react?


  2. MGD

    Hmmmmmm I wonder if Eduardo will be included in “the ‘best film’ category at the Academy Awards” as well…


  3. Norfolk Ned

    @ Georger. Did you see his reaction? It was a prize winning seizure fest featuring full leg shakes.


  4. Georger

    Yeah I saw it. I’ve never broken a rib, but I would imagine a kick to the chest breaking one would probably hurt like a mother f**ker.


  5. Norfolk Ned

    Actually no, I broke one once and didn’t know it for 3 weeks.


  6. Georger

    Perhaps you are Wolverine?

    Also, I just spent a few minutes trying to find a good picture of Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot to chop that picture of Drogba’s head onto. No dice, sadly.


  7. Eladio

    The African Queen


  8. Georger

    Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story


  9. Georger

    Kicking and Screaming


  10. Norfolk Ned

    @Eladio. AWESOME.


  11. @Georger – I too broke a rib during a rec league match and played the next 3 matches without even realizing it.


  12. Georger

    Well then, f**k him.


  13. James T

    Didier Drogba stars in “Footloose”, a dramedy about one man and his inability to stay upright


  14. I broke a rib and couldn’t breathe, laugh, sleep, or roll over without pain. I’ve also had the wind knocked out of me in a game on several occasions and, while I didn’t have a seizure*, it was pretty painful and your body does some strange things while it’s trying to get oxygen.

    *I had a grand mal seizure at practice once. It was not related to any physical contact and they never figured out why I had one, but I have not had one since.


  15. Norfolk Ned

    Way to kill a thread TFA


  16. Pitch Fiction.
    Heartbreak (b)Ridge he could play Twitch Jones.


  17. Norfolk Ned

    Dirty Harry


  18. wacman1389

    Sucks he’s actually hurt, awesome that the Chelsea-Arsenal match will largely be a contest between the two benches


  19. UKhanDoIt

    I recently met one of the Chelsea team docs; nice guy.


  20. Norfolk Ned

    Oh the irony, I may have broken a rib at footy last night, but I’m not sure!



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>