unprofessional foul
Thursday September 2nd 2010

Chelsea’s Doctors Suck; Death Rattle Cause Revealed.

Reservoir Drogs. Didier practices for the role of Mr Orange in the inevitable remake.
Reservoir Drogs. Didier practices for the role of Mr Orange in the inevitable remake.
Apparently the Drogba death rattle performed last weekend, against Manchester United, was the result of a broken rib. Well not according to Cheslea’s doctors, they declared that Johnny Evans ’kung fu’ clearance had left just bruising on the Chelsea thespians chest. Ivory Coast Dr’s disagreed with the Cheslea prognosis and they say that Droba has a broken rib, revealed by their X-Ray.

Now, I have but 2 questions. How on earth did Chelsea’s Dr’s miss this after Drogba’s scan? And will the DVD of last weeks game be allowed as entry into the ‘best film’ category at the Academy Awards to allow Drogba to claim the best actor Oscar that he so rightly deserves?

Not since Tim Roth writhed around on the blood soaked back seat of Harvey Keitel’s car have I seen such an incredible performance of discomfort. Impressive indeed. Almost as if Drogba was sharing his talents with the World, performing for movie directors around the globe. Cantona managed to  take the acting world by storm (eeek) so why shouldn’t Drogba? I have lobbied the Academy and demanded that such a performance be considered. Stay tuned.

Reservoir Drogs is not the only remake that would suit the Chelsea front man. How about ‘Slumdrog Millionaire’, ‘The Aviator’, “Broke-rib Mountain’, ‘Crash Dive’,  ’The Dirty Dozen’, ‘Dirty Dancing’, ‘Its a Mad, Mad, World’ , My Left Foot’ and ‘Legends of the Fall’. Leave yours in the comments. 

Meanwhile, Chelsea have a little bit on an injury crisis to ponder. Drogba has 3-4 weeks to attend auditions as his injury will mean no football until the middle of December. Lampard is out for a month, Cole has a fractured shin and Bosingwa won’t be back until February after knee surgery. John Terry missed the pointless England B team exercise on Saturday with a swollen ankle. No news yet if he will be missing from Chelsea’s upcoming schedule.

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