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November 16, 2009

Your Monday Morning Soccer/Placental Fluids Update

"Ne'er mind, lad, just rub some placenta on there and you'll be reet good in no time."

"Ne'er mind, lad, just rub some placenta on there and you'll be reet good in no time."

It’s been less than 2 days since the Great RvP Injury, after a run-in with Giorgio Chiellini left his ankle ligaments looking like cooked linguine. This UFer thinks Arsenal will be just fine in the long-run (latest reports put him out for 4-6 weeks? That’s nothing!), but it’s still enough to bring back the table-pounding fury of those among us who loathe these meaningless internationals.

Still, we must move on, and Mr. van Persie must rehab and heal any way he can: like, for example, massages with placental fluid.

After a chat with PSV/Holland buddy Dante Lazovic, it appears the fleet-footed striker has been inspired to try the same methods that helped his friend come back from injury:

“I will fly to the Balkans to meet with a female doctor who helped Lazovic. She is vague about her methods but I know she massages you using fluid from a placenta. I’m going to try. It cannot hurt and if it helps, it helps. I’ve been in contact with Arsenal physiotherapists and they have let me do it.”

Absolutely, Robin, and best of luck to you. This can only end well.



About the Author

James T





8 Comments


  1. I don’t think I want to know how the lady in the Balkans manages to acquire all the placental fluids.


  2. Keith

    Bravo, Georger. It’s been entirely too long since I’ve read PA.


  3. James T

    I feel like this is going to be the plotline to Hostel 2


  4. ebullientfatalist

    The first two sentences of RvP’s statement read like a Le Carre novel.


  5. Clemantona

    Either he’ll slip on a rogue piece of placenta or the fluid will dissolve his weak ankles into nothingness

    More injuredness is the only outcome


  6. Sarah

    He was also the one that got his wisdom teeth removed to help prevent future injury right? That one worked out really well…


  7. Anonsters

    Just great. He’s going to be out for like 9 months when he gets pregnant.



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