"I have more money! Weeeee!"

A couple of EPL stories snuck across the radar amid the Great Paris Handball Incident. Unsurprisingly, as with most EPL stories on the wires these days, they concern those big clubs near the top of the table.

- Rio Ferdinand out until January! Honestly, this is probably good for the Red Devils, considering how woeful he’s been of late. Apparently his back can no longer carry the added burden of Nemanja Vidic’s lapses in concentration, and so it’s back to back rehab for the England defender. He’ll get some rest so he can keep working on post-production for his big gangster movie, and maybe another issue or two of #5 Magazine. Somewhere in a cushy Manchester suburb, Jonny Evans smiles.

- Atletico Madrid have announced they’re ready to accept a 40m bid from Chelsea for their pint-sized Argentine striker and Maradona family member, Sergio Aguero! This deal would be massive for several reasons: one, it’s new director Frank Arnesen’s “Welcome to Stamford Bridge” deal, two, it’s a great striker to somehow fit into a 4-1-2-1-2 that already has Anelka and Drogba up top, and three, it’s in complete, glorious defiance of FIFA and their transfer ban that is now with the Court of Arbitration. Might as well get the players in now before the CAS comes back and gives the wag of the finger.

- Eduardo’s signed a new deal at Arsenal! It’s a nice long-term contract that both sides are overjoyed with, and now with Bendtner, Vela and van Persie suffering from various degrees of knack, it’s a good opportunity for the Brazili-Croat to show what he’s worth.