The little Irish girl asks "Pllllllllleeeeeeezzzz"
While you and I were busy worrying about actual football played on actual pitches (as well as, based on the comments, fantasy football played on virtual pitches), the Football Association of Ireland was still in a tizzy about a match from a couple of weeks ago. To be fair, though, they have nothing else to worry about until Euro qualifying begins, so they might as well try to keep themselves occupied somehow.
This time, FAI decided to plead with Sepp Blatter directly, asking the FIFA head for Ireland to be included as the 33rd team in the upcoming tournament. Blatter, who never says no to an idea that would be bad for the game, told the association he would introduce the idea at an emergency FIFA meeting on Wednesday. Then, the assembled heads will decide how much they can grift off of the idea and whether or not it will be enough to keep them in perpetual power.
The country of Ireland, emboldened by Blatter’s seeming approval of their plan, then went on a bender of requests arond the world. Below, we have an exclusive, but partial, list. If you saw or heard Ireland asking for anything else, put it in the comments.
- First, the FAI modified their request with Blatter. They have amended it to say that they want to bypass both the group stage and the knockouts, and be placed into the final directly. It’s only fair.
- The Economic Minister of Ireland asked for the late ’90s to come back and bring the Celtic Tiger economic boom with them.
- Ambassador Anne Anderson asked the UN for monetary help to deal with the Potato Famine and its lingering effects.
- President Mary McAleese declared that any eventual world peace must be directly attributed to Bono in all future history books.
- While the people of Ireland released a joint statement saying that A) they want €1 from everyone for every Irish joke they have ever told, and B) €5 as a tip for every time a person has visited an Irish Bar, which goes up to €10 if it was a faux-Irish Bar. When doing conversions, round up.
Finally, as we have said before: IRELAND WERE NOT WINNING THE TIE. Also, CONTINUE TO PLAY THE BALL INSTEAD OF RAISING YOUR HAND. Are we clear?
“IRELAND WERE NOT WINNING THE TIE.”
NEITHER WERE FRANCE.
/caps
Nope. But the French played to the whistle.
Of course they did, umlaut. No one stops in the middle of cheating.
“No one stops in the middle of cheating.”
Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant agree.
Why not put them in? They can play in Group I. It has no other teams in it, and nobody advances from it. But they still get to spend 3×90 min in a stadium full of deafening vuvuzela noise.
hadley with the low blow of the day
it’s a race to the bottom here on UF
In honor of the 162nd Anniversary of the Great Famine, England should rightfully give up their spot to Ireland and cede the 6 illegally occupied counties to them as well.
That’s a reasonable argument if your Irish, the most oppressed people.
“That’s a reasonable argument if your Irish, the most oppressed people.”
The Palestinians are not impressed.
hadley, to be fair to Tiger, he would have kept going if it weren’t for that pesky fire hydrant.
The Irish also want a percentage of all kisses received as a result of “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” buttons and shirts people wear.
Also, a fifty-one percent stake in the Boston Celtics.
And, the Irish would like back all of the “Luck of the Irish” that has been doled out over the years.
Finally, they want some goddamned Lucky Charms for the little leprechaun*.
*may or may not be Tommy Smyth.
Enough you whiny irish c**ts!!!
Move on and get a life.
Even the italians didnt whine as much when they got robbed by an offside at the WC about 8 years ago.
You are worse than italians. In soccer, I cant find a worse insult on your manhood.
I’m pretty sure I could create a list of the ten most oppressed peoples featuring neither the Irish nor the Palestinians. Inverness fans would probably feature, though.
I’m sure Ireland will also be lobbying for Costa Rica to get the 34th place since they went out because of an offside goal from Uruguay in the 2nd leg playoff game.
Ok, but I want the 35th spot. For me, I mean.
“Most Oppressed People” is a title the Irish have given themselves.
Tell them about a typhoon that killed 10,000 in Indonesia and they will tell you about the Famine. A terrorist killed 300 in Iraq? That’s nothing compared to the horrors of Cromwell. A child starving in North Korea? Well, Eamon hasn’t had a drink in 3 days.
Oh Bob, I’m pretty sure the Italians are still pissed about Byron Moreno’s refereeing in 2002 v. the hosts South Korea. I especially enjoyed how Perugia’s owner/chairman wouldn’t let South Korea’s Ahn Jung Hwan play for his Serie A team anymore.