I'm not sure if this counts towards our "adorable puppy" quota.
[APOLOGIES FOR THE LAG - APPARENTLY WE ARE EXPERIENCING SOME WORLD-CLASS LEVELS OF SITE TRAFFIC RIGHT NOW.]
Alright, folks – sit back and relax as I liveblog the FIFA shenanigans for the WC 2010 draw. FSC has coverage beginning at 11:00AM EST, the full pageantry gets going on ESPN2 at 12:00PM EST, and it’s anyone’s guess as to when the draw will actually occur.
As we previously told you, the draw will put teams into 8 groups from 4 pots, which were:
POT 1 (seeds) – South Africa (as hosts), Germany, Brazil, Italy, Spain, England, Argentina, Holland.
POT 2 (Asia, Oceania, North/Central America) – Japan, South Korea, North Korea, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Mexico, Honduras.
POT 3 (Africa, South America) – Ivory Coast, Ghana, Cameroon, Nigeria, Algeria, Paraguay, Chile, Uruguay.
POT 4 (Europe) – France, Portugal, Slovenia, Switzerland, Greece, Serbia, Denmark, Slovakia.
If you haven’t already done so, get in your picks for the draw and you could win some footy gear from Calle Republic.
[APOLOGIES FOR THE LAG - APPARENTLY WE ARE EXPERIENCING SOME WORLD-CLASS LEVELS OF SITE TRAFFIC RIGHT NOW.]
Ms. Theron enjoys the footy.
FIFA have promised that the draw “will be preceded by a ceremony featuring a series of speeches and a dazzling array of live music and dance performances” so I’m assuming that we will be treated to Glenn Beck and Miley Cyrus. No? Oh, thank goodness. Instead, we will be treated to a taped message from Morgan Freeman Nelson Mandela, and the comedic stylings of Charlize Theron. In addition, assorted sports luminaries will be in attendance, including Goldenballs, Olympian Haile Gebrselassi, cricketer Makhaya Ntini, Springboks (South Africa’s national rugby squad) captain John Smit (seriously? is that an alias?), Bafana Bafana defender Matthew Booth, Carol Manana (aka South Africa’s “1st Lady of Sport”), Franz Beckenbauer, Eusebio, and Roger Milla.
And of course the wonder twins of international football, Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini, will be there. Unlike Diego Maradona.
On the non-sporting side we have South African president Jacob Zuma, FW de Klerk and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. For entertainment we have Angelique Kidjo, Johnny Clegg, Africa Umoja, and the Soweto Gospel Choir.
11:00AM – FSC begins coverage. I think it moved.
11:01AM – First sounds of vuvuzelas. Thank goodness that Ned isn’t near a TV at the moment. Where is he? You’ll find out in a bit, but it’s a sweet little surprise. Unless things went awry, in which case forget that I said anything.
11:05 – Fabio Cappello announces “If we want to win, we have to beat the other teams.” Your England gaffer, ladies and gentlemen!
*We’ve been treated to the following on FSC so far: (1) Arsene Wenger admitting that he is a poor loser, and not apologizing for not shaking Mark Hughes’ hand; (2) Carlo Ancelotti discussing the non-handshake in barely passable English (how long has he been in country now?); (3) Avram Grant discussing the financial “stability” of Pompey; and (4) David Beckham claiming that England is afraid of no club (really, he actually said “club” then corrected himself to “country”).*
11:20AM – Sepp Blatter has arrived! Sadly, no meteor.
11:22AM – A tour of Durban stadium with the facilities manager. His Afrikaaner accent is worse than Matt Damon’s.
*Ned and James T report that things went swimmingly for our surprise. You’ll have to wait several hours for the teaser, because right now it’s all about me South Africa.*
11:34AM – Fabio Capello mumbles some unintelligible English along the lines of “the pitches be ok.” Although he may have said something else in relation to prostitution at WC 2010.
11:36AM – Carlo Ancelotti mentions the original “Hand of God” goal for some unknown reason, and then discusses the possibility that Cote d’Ivoire might win WC 2010. I’m sure that has nothing to do with Didier Drogba being on Chelsea.
11:37AM – Arsene Wenger says “it’s a bit of a generation of now or never for England” and notes that he would note like to see France and England drawn into the same group. Steve Bruce, on the other hand, says that he thinks it’s likely that the traditional rivals will wind up in the same group. Phil Brown says something about Jozy Altidore and helicopters, but I was distracted by his orangeness.
*Random digression on FSC into the upcoming Pacquaio v. Mayweather donnybrook. Anyone who has ever seen Manny Pacquaio fight knows that he will destroy Mayweather. Fun fact: I won a bet against the dearly departed Bigus when he thought that Ricky Hatton would beat the Pacman. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Easiest bet I ever won.*
11:47AM – A teaser on FSC mentions that my first Arsenal man-crush, David Seaman (OH, GROW UP!) will be by later to discuss the draw.
11:53AM – Matt Ufford, of With Leather fame, chimes in with the following over e-mail: “Spoiler alert: the U.S. will get royally f**ked.” I would tend to agree with him, but only because that is the likely result of any group that we would draw.
11:58AM – FSC advert attempting to generate interest in the FIFA Club World Cup. Has anyone other than WSR watched a match in that sham of a tournament?
12:00PM – BUCKLE THE F**K UP! Here we go, kids!
12:01PM – Thankfully, we have ESPN commentary from Bob Ley who is without a doubt one of their best talents.
12:02PM – OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, Google maps! We get a glimpse of Cape Town, Nevada Smith’s in NYC (complete with a young lass wearing a Yaya Toure jersey), and London.
12:03PM – Studio team is Ley, Alexi Lalas, Efan Ekoku, and some other dude. Alright, alright – it’s Steve McManaman.
12:05PM – I’m fairly certain that Lalas just accused FIFA of chicanery. His words: “The gods of FIFA smile upon you or you wind up in the Group of Death.” DRINK for the GofD reference. Bob Ley explains the Pots to disappointed stoners everywhere, whose ears had just pricked up at the mention.
12:08PM – ESPN doing a good job with the video. While they have the pots on the “main” screen, the sidebar runs down each country’s profile with the bottom bar provides a quick tidbit about each country.
12:09PM – Discussion of “La Main d’Henry” and Ekoku tells the Irish to quit their bitchin’. Lalas calls the controversy “asinine.”
12:14PM – A brief focus on Jo-burg has Bob Ley discussing Soweto as the “capital of black South African life” and apartheid. An actual important history lesson amidst the footy.
12:17PM – Video message from Mandela, discussing the importance of the first World Cup on the African continent. At 91 years old, the former apartheid prisoner and president of South Africa is amazingly lucid, although he looks like he might have lost a step on the pitch.
12:23PM – Replay technology/goal-line official discussion going on, and the entire panel thinks it’s a good idea. O RLY? Alexi Lalas says that diving is “an art” and an example of “professionalism” – GREG, get your brother under control!
12:30PM – Discussion of Becks’ chances of making the England squad. Please, we all know that he is going to make just so that James T’s head will explode. Then we move on to John Harkes (the first American player in the EPL!) for his take on England and Goldenballs. We learn that Beckham needs to stay healthy. Really? Capello won’t take a crocked Becks to WC 2010? Fascinating. Harkes then goes all Ned-lite and fawns over Rooney.
12:33PM – Portugal update: C. Ronaldo is a diving t**t. Cote d’Ivoire update: Drogba is a diving t**t. I just saved Harkes 3 minutes of babbling.
12:40PM – Cut to Rob Stone at Nevada Smiths’ with somewhat of a lackluster crowd. Everyone knows that bar is for the prawn sandwich types.
12:42PM – CHARLIZE THERON IS AT THE PODIUM!
12:46PM – Charlize Theron is handling some big balls up on stage. Adidas claims that the new 8-panel ball is the roundest ball evah. I was not aware that we could improve on roundness.
12:50PM – The Soweto Gospel Choir get down on the stage to begin the festivities. Charlize speaks!
12:53PM – “Drawmaster” Jerome Voelk has a Q&A in French with the president of the Cameroonian federation. They secretly made jokes about Ireland.
12:59PM – Voelk is using his French accent to confuse all the TV viewers into not realizing that FIFA has everything rigged.
1:00PM – I do believe Charlize just referred to Haile Gebrselassie as a “world-clasp asslete.” Springboks captain John Smits steps onto the stage and is immediately laid out by Sebastien Chabal (rugby joke!).
Group A: Bafana Bafana (that’s South Africa, people); Mexico; Uruguay; France
Group B: Argentina; South Korea; Nigeria; Greece
Group C: England; U-S-A! U-S-A!; Algeria; Slovenia
Group D: Die Mannschaft; Australia; Ghana; Serbia
Group E: Holland; Japan; Cameroon; Denmark
Group F: Azzuri; New Zealand; Paraguay; Slovakia
Group G: Brazil; North Korea; Cote d’Ivoire; Portugal
Group H: Spain; Honduras; Chile; Switzerland
And that is the draw, people. France gets a good draw, but I’m not counting points just yet. The USMNT gets into a relatively good group, as they are certainly capable of beating Algeria and Slovenia, while the match versus England will be the international version of A Blog Divided. Speaking of divisions, poor Precious Roy will be torn during the Italy v. New Zealand fracas, while I get my birth country facing off against my mother’s country of birth.
Switzerland winds up being the only non-Spanish-speaking country in Group H, which could result in either an advantage or disadvantage. Language ties Portugal and Brazil together in the official Group of Death (Group G), as they must not only face each other but also the Black Stars of Ghana.
1:41PM – Hehe. Discussing Group G as the Group of Death, Bob Ley says “we don’t have the same amount of lubrication as at Nevada Smith’s.” That’s some viewing party. General consensus is that USA did well, Group D and H are the toughest, and Group B and F appear to be the easiest.
1:48PM – Jeremy Schapp looked completely overwhelmed and confused during his entire interview with Fabio Capello. His father would have done much better.
1:50PM – Sal Masekela interviews Morgan Freeman re: Invictus. Not quite footy-related, but a seminal moment in the history of South Africa nonetheless.
2:00PM – Schapp moves on to the Bob Bradley interview. Surprisingly, Bobbles (H/T to Highbury Library) appears semi-intelligent. But then he starts talking and the illusion is broken. This man is the Charlie Weis of international football.
2:06PM – McManaman waxes poetic about the awesomeness of Timmay Howard.
2:07PM – Bob Ley informs us that Freddy Adu just tweeted his desire to get some USMNT run. Alexi Lalas tells Freddy to sod off.
2:09PM – Schapp interviews Mexico coach Javier Aguirre, and misses out on the opportunity to throw a bag of urine at him. He stands around looking awkward as Les Bleus gaffer Raymond Domenech interrupts his interview to present Aguirre with a France WC kit.
2:27PM – The commenting team of McManaman, Ekoku and Martin Tyler would be a dream trio for WC 2010. They all know what they are talking about, make intelligent points without talking down to the viewers, and are supportive without being jingoistic. I am stunned that ESPN thought far enough ahead to engage Tyler for the whole affair.
2:34PM – Schapp gets Ruud Gullit to make the stunning comment that Group G is the Group of Death. This is revelatory, people!
2:44PM – Bob Stone and Landon Donovan at Nevada Smith’s. Lando calls the England draw “interesting and exciting” and mentions that he hasn’t had time to direct any smack-talk to Goldenballs yet. He follows that up with “the strength of this team has always been the team.” Presumably he means that the USMNT plays as a team, rather than as a collection of individuals.
2:49PM – As McManaman and Ekoku note that Donovan is not as highly regarded in Europe as EPL players such as Deuce, Alexi Lalas gets his knickers in a twist with some faux-outrage and goes all “OO-SAH! OO-SAH!” on those damn foreigners.
2:52PM – Prediction from Harkes: (1) Group A: Uruguay, France; (2) Group B: Argentina, South Korea; (3) Group C: England, USA; (4) Group D: Ghana, Serbia; (5) Group E: Holland, Denmark; (6) Group F: Italy, Paraguay; (7) Group G: Brazil, Cote d’Ivoire; (8) Group H: Spain, Chile. Quarterfinals – Uruguay v. England; Holland v. Brazil; Argentina v. Germany; Italy v. Spain. Semifinals – Uruguay v. Brazil; Germany v. Spain. Finals – Brazil over Spain. Harkes is smoking something if he sees Uruguay in the quarters.
3:00PM – That’s the end of the liveblog kids. I’m off to eat something now – you see the sacrifices I make for you?
@Georger…if it really was a time warp back to 2004, wouldn’t it have been Donovan and Beasley?
Holy Shit Ray Ray just interuppted the interview with Aguirre to give him a France jersey. This guy is f**king nuts.
Corky: Ned and I are outnumbered at UF. Two limeys vs. these American animals, plus our French village idiot.
And a National Socialist Shellfish
I prefer to be referred to as “L’enfant terrible”, thank you very much.
No, I think we’ll stick with French village idiot.
I am still stunned. WOW WOW WOW. I am going to lose all my friends.
WOW.
They MUST bring back Ekoku and McManaman for the World Cup, they are running laps around Ley and Lalas.
@Bergkamp — on paper, I agree that the US does not stack up well against England. But I look at the context around the game — we can expect most of England’s stars to play well up to the end of May (and if lucky, Liverpool gets deep into the FA Cup or there’s a 4th place fight), they have to travel to a much different climate than their own and for the US players, playing and beating England is a huge motivation.
Will we get out coached, out strategized and out classed? Certainly. Is it out of the realm of possibility that England will boss 60+% of possession and do f**k all with it? Not at all. Would it surprise any England supporter to see a quick counter which catches Terry out of position, beats Rio and causes them to lose 1-0 despite controlling the game? Certainly not. I hoped for England because I thought we could get up for that game more than any other. We [i] shouldn’t[/i] beat them but I’d rather draw them than get embarassed by a “we like to peak in the group stage” Holland team.
What do you think, Ned? Will we win 5-0 or 6-0? Bit presumptuous to think we’d win by more than 6, right?
whiz: won’t the USMNT guys be playing their regular season later than England?
Martin Tyler looks like he’s eight Bombays deep right now.
Quite pleased.
“they have to travel to a much different climate than their own and for the US players”
Not really. The height is negligible and it’s winter in SA then, if those games are at night it’s going to be in the fifties.
The England/USA game will be a Saturday, 2.30pm kickoff. Couldn’t be more perfect if they tried. We have some plans for that date…. stay tuned
Martin Tyler doesn’t like our draw. Why? BECAUSE HE F**KING WATCHED ALERGIA BEAT EGYPT AND SLOVENIA BEAT RUSSIA.
I just wish there was a punishment worse than firing for US coaches. After the World Cup they kind of get forgotten about. Firing alone doesn’t bring enough shame.
fair enough on the climate point, Georger. I don’t think it’s a huge advantage anyway
Jimmy T: depends on how much of a MLS-centric team he takes. But it’d be right about the mid-point of the MLS season anyway which is a boon: legs still fresh but fitness should be at peak. I’m not a great beleiver in the USMNT by any stretch, but also, I never under estimate the ability of an england squad to underperform.
The ESPN Soccernet Press Pass World Cup Draw Special is better than all the other junk that’s been on.
Just got back from class. So, did I miss anything?
Did Jeremy Schapp not learn the first rule of interviewing from his dad? “Let them talk.” He’s interrupted every goddamn person he’s talked to.
@Georger. Thats how our commentators role. US coverage is embarrassing.
Is that U.S.-England game 2:30 p.m. eastern time?
Baby Bradley v. FC Bayern.
Bo-Diddley Monchengladbach was taking it to Bayern. Gomez with a lovely strike to put Bowel Movement Bayern Munich up 1-0. And then they did a gay celebration.
@Anonsters: so Gomez’s goal didn’t go in off his penis?
I like our travel schedule – we don’t travel more than 125km between games.
JT: Nope, his left foot.
Unless he’s really, really hung.
I’m so excited, I had to do some predictions
A: France, Mexico
B: Argentina, Nigeria
C: England, OOSA
D: Germnay, Serbia
E: Netherlands, Japan
F: Italy, Paraguay
G: Brazil, Ivory Coast
H: Spain, Chile
Round of 16 Winners
France
Argentina
Germany
England
Netherlands
Japan
Brazil
Spain
Round of 8 Winners
Argentina
England
Netherlands
Brazil
Semis
England
Brazil
Final
Brazil
Bradley with a lovely flick-pass from just outside the penalty area that leads to a goal. 1-1.
Can’t England and Argentina meet only in the final? I think that’s what Paul Doyle said in the Guardian’s blog.
@MCR Maybe I screwed something up, does it not just go A1 against B2 for the semis and so on?
Er, not the semis, the round of 16.
I don’t know what the rules are, but from the live blog: “6.07pm So… That’s that part done. And England can’t play Argentina until the final.”
Yeah, I f’ed it up royally. Instead of A,B,C,D being on one side of the bracket, it’s A,B,E,G.
@PaulieOH
Saturday, June 12
At Rustenburg, South Africa
England vs. United States, 2:30 p.m.
Sunday, June 13
At Polokwane, South Africa
Algeria vs. Slovenia, 7:30 a.m.
Friday, June 18
At Johannesburg
United States vs. Slovenia, 10 a.m.
At Cape Town, South Africa
England vs. Algeria, 2:30 p.m.
Wednesday, June 23
At Port Elizabeth, South Africa
Slovenia vs. England, 10 a.m.
At Pretoria, South Africa
United States vs. Algeria, 10 a.m.
Actually, that last one was wrong as well. Disregard the entire mess I’ve made of the last 10 comments.
Ryan:
Match 49, June 26 1500: Winner Group A v Runner-up Group B (Port Elizabeth)
Match 50, June 26 1930: Winner Group C v Runner-up Group D (Rustenburg)
Match 51, June 27 1500: Winner Group D v Runner-up Group C (Bloemfontein)
Match 52, June 27 1930: Winner Group B v Runner-up Group A (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 53, June 28 1500: Winner Group E v Runner-up Group F (Durban)
Match 54, June 28 1930: Winner Group G v Runner-up Group H (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 55, June 29 1500: Winner Group F v Runner-up Group E (Pretoria)
Match 56, June 29 1930: Winner Group H v Runner-up Group G (Cape Town)
QUARTER-FINALS
Match 57, July 2 1500: Winner of Match 53 v Winner of Match 54 (Port Elizabeth)
Match 58, July 2 1930: Winner of Match 49 v Winner of Match 50 (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 59, July 3 1500: Winner of Match 52 v Winner of Match 51 (Cape Town)
Match 60, July 3 1930: Winner of Match 55 v Winner of Winner of Match 56 (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
SEMI-FINALS
Match 61, July 6 1930: Winner Match 58 v Winner Match 57 (Cape Town)
Match 62, July 7 1930: Winner Match 59 v Winner Match 60 (Durban)
THIRD-PLACE PLAY-OFF
Match 63, July 10 1930: Loser Match 61 v Loser Match 62 (Port Elizabeth)
FINAL
Match 64, July 11 1930: Winner Match 61 v Winner Match 62 (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
And going off that:
France v. South Korea
England v. Ghana (ouch)
Germany v. USA
Argentina v. Mexico
Holland v. Paraguay
Brazil v. Honduras
Italy v. Cameroon
Spain v. Ivory Coast (damn)
—
Holland v. Brazil
France v. England
Germany v. Argentina
Italy v. Spain
—
Brazil v. England
Germany v. Spain
—
Germany v. Brazil
Germany
Butt with a couple of fantastic saves to keep Bowel Movement Bayern’s bacon out of the fire.
I’m excited to see how the Dutch team is treated by the South African fans.
I must have missed something at some point, but why did the 3rd round picks go in some crazy order. B then G then something else, etc
Clemantona: it was to avoid conflicts within groups. Certain teams cannot be drawn with others (can’t have two teams from South America together, two African teams), so they allocated the picks to the groups where they were able to go and worked around it that way.
@Ryan: Biggest bags of piss you’ve ever seen.
@James T: I completely agree with you characterizing NY Kid a French village idiot.
as a
James – I’m not understanding how Ivory Coast went to group G
Clemantona: well, they couldn’t go to A, B, C, D, E because of African teams already being in those groups…
Why not F?
(And Arjen Robben is back playing for BM.)
Anonsters: I believe they took out some balls during the draw to make sure they didn’t have to re-pick.
From The Guardian:
How the draw works:
The 32 teams are split into eight groups of four, but – unsurprisingly – it won’t be as simple as Ms Theron drawing a team from each pot. Some groups may need to be skipped in order to avoid confederation clashes within them. This will be achieved specifically by placing the first two African teams drawn from pot three into the groups containing Brazil and Argentina.
Still, I realize that doesn’t answer your question. Hmm.
If memory serves, the first team drawn from the third pot was Nigeria. Nigeria can’t go in Group A, so they go to the first group with a seeded South American team, Argentina’s Group B. Ivory Coast was the second team drawn. They go to Group G because the seeded team is Brazil, who cannot play a South American opponent. Then Uruguay was drawn and put in Group A (or Algeria was drawn into Group C; I can’t remember).
The point is that no two teams from the same federation can be in the same group, with the obvious exception of Europe and UEFA. In order to do that, the teams are assigned out of order to guarantee no conflicts.
geography is too complicated
Having a non-European host makes it complicated.
I caught part of the Scott Van Pelt show on the way home and he was having a good chuckle over the cluster f**k that was the World Cup draw. I imagine quite a few mouth-breathers here in the US of A got a kick out of the incomprehensibility of it all.
Goat: Nothing compares to the clarity and efficiency of the BCS, after all.
I get Charlize is there for the guys (still a top ten piece of tail) and she is from there (you cant have so big lipped afroed bush babe as your face) and that Becky is there for the few women and the many gays who watch but Morgan Freeman was there why?
Yes, he played in a movie about south african rugby so if thats the only degree of separation you need is that flimsy then you could have used the spaceships from the film District 9 also. Heck, that whole movie was one annoying Stop Racism campaign.
There are no groups of death with 32 teams.
Adding 8 new mediocre (and undeserving… that’s ALL the ones that couldnt win their groups and came in as best losers) has diluted the cup too much. 25% more teams wasnt done to increase the quality of the competition but for more money.
Why not 36 (33? barf!) or 48 teams for 2014?
There are barely one good game per group and italy could play their women’s team (who strangely enough plays more manly than the flopping men) in the first round.
Totally unimpressed.
@leo either youve made a sarcastic point of fifa’s hypocrisy when it comes to stopping racism… or youre a moron. undecided as yet.
@leo:
i hope you’re drunk.
“There are barely one good game per group and italy could play their women’s team (who strangely enough plays more manly than the flopping men) in the first round.”
They can’t all be good and I bet there will be more than 1 out of 6 games in each group that are good.
well, the Dutch got a surprisingly easy draw. for the last 2 tournaments we were in the most difficult group. we had actually kind of gotten used to it and now this. Denmark is tougher than people think, but we should be able to beat them. we just beat japan 3-0 in a friendly so I think that wont be a problem either. Just worried about Cameroon, really.
all in all, good draw for the Dutch. WERE GONNA WIN IT!!!! (sorry, constitution here says im required by law to fervently and blindly believe this)
France v. Nigeria
England v. Serbia
Germany v. Algeria
Argentina v. Mexico
Holland v. Paraguay
Brazil v. Switzerland
Italy v. Denmark
Spain v. Ivory Coast
—
Holland v. Brazil
France v. England
Germany v. Argentina
Denmark v. Spain
—
Holland v. England
Germany v. Spain
—
Holland v. Germany
Holland
that might not be how ill actually fill it out once the Pick’em comes around
@Joep: Holland v. Germany would be a tasty final.
Joep is hereby banned from talking about the WC because he did not pick the US out of our ultra-easy group. Doesn’t he know we have LANDON DONOVAN? (come back Monday)
I dont think its that easy to be honest.
If it helps, I think youll come in third?