Prepare for Another Manchester City Spend-gasm

Mancini smiles after just seeing a bank statement from MCFC

Since Mancini’s unveiling as the new, cooler Citeh boss, the English press have been running wild with speculation over which players will be hunted down like dogs and signed to astronomical contracts. It’s common knowledge that the one thing new managers love to do is spend money whenever possible; if they can’t do that, it’s their number 1 excuse when they fail with the existing squad. If they can, well, it’s a chance to assert their style and power over the lineup and establish a mandate.

Ergo, we can expect those revolving doors at Eastlands to be rather busy in January. But, of all the names thrown about in the Times and the Daily Mail, just how many of them make sense? Should we even bother applying sense to the most disorganized rich club in all of Europe?

A look at the names, and some predictions, after the jump.

First, we should probably throw the existing squad in there, just so we know what they’re currently working with. Some of these will have to be sold, but will there really be any takers?

GK – Given, Taylor

DF – Richards, Bridge, Onuoha, Zabaleta, Garrido, Sylvinho, Lescott, Toure (c)

MF – Johnson, Ireland, Wright-Phillips, Petrov, Barry, Kompany, de Jong, Weiss

FW – Robinho, Santa Cruz, Adebayor, Benjani, Tevez, Bellamy

Good lord, an awful lot of dead weight on this squad that’s seemingly stuck between two identities: a nod to City’s uncouth, workmanlike past and a desperate lunge to be included in the glittering, star-studded mix of today’s biggest clubs. You can bet Mancini will look to upgrade where it is needed most, and will likely be under orders to keep the team trending towards the cosmopolitan soccer that they so clearly covet and crave.

Let’s begin with the Daily Mail:

Simon Kjaer – Center-Back (Palermo)
A nice start from the Mail’s Simon Jones. A 20-year-old defender whose tidy, uncompromising style at center-back is so clearly needed. The problem is, how on earth do you shift the duds in front of him? Lescott is not what was advertised, and Kolo Toure’s clearly too busy counting his money to pay attention in the middle (and they went and made him captain!). However, this guy will be cheap compared to most of the players Citeh will hunt down, and Palermo strike me as the kind of team who would be quite comfortable in selling the young Dane for a big profit and reinvesting that money.

Cristian Ansaldi – Left-Back (Rubin Kazan)
By all accounts, a solid player who acquitted himself well in the Russian team’s Champions League run. This one should be doable, though never underestimate Russian teams and their ability to hold transfer fees to ransom (see: the Arshavin saga). Then again, if Citeh don’t land him, they’re stuck with Wayne Bridge, and that’s just unacceptable.

Antonio Cassano – 2nd Striker (Sampdoria)
This would be awesome, both for Citeh and the EPL audiences in general. Adding the Italian version of Craig Bellamy to the side is something Mancini’s wanted since his Internazionale days, and now finally it appears that the opinionated forward has fallen out with Sampdoria so he could be available in January. Sure, it might cost 25m, but since when have City ever cared about spending money? It might be wise to line up bidders for Tevez and/or Santa Cruz, two guys who haven’t quite gelled at the club.

Giorgio Chiellini – Center-Back/Left-Back (Juventus)
Dreamland for Mancini, though why would Juve sell? At present, he’s the best defender in Serie A, and has that versatility to make him even more desirable for a wannabe galacticos outfit. The fact that his price tag would barely be any higher than that of Joleon Lescott’s really does boggle the mind while also lending credibility to the theory that English players are subject to a 20-30% markup in price.

All in all, a reasonable list from the Daily Mail. How about those lunatics from the Times?

Of course, they succeed wonderfully in playing to the media’s stereotypes of being huge fans of hyperbole. Their list of “potential transfer targets” looks as if it was penned by an ADHD-addled 12-year-old playing FIFA 10 on Manager Mode.

Franck Ribery – Left Winger (Bayern Munich)
Fernando Torres – Striker (Liverpool)
Sergio Aguero – Striker (Atletico Madrid)
Angel Di Maria – Left Winger (Benfica)
Javier Mascherano – Defensive Midfielder (Liverpool)
Yaya Toure – Defensive Midfielder (Barcelona)
Matthew Upson – Center-Back (West Ham United)
Thierry Henry – Striker (Barcelona)

They’re not even trying to give this any thought! Blank checkbooks, after all, succeeded so well for the Sheikhs in the summer when they swung and missed at Kaka and David Villa. Why would it work this time around? Just because they have a foreign manager doesn’t mean all these players would dare dream of leaving their clubs and chasing a spot on the most prestigious pine in Europe.

Well, maybe a couple would – Di Maria’s already had talks with the club back in November, we’re led to believe, and I’m sure they can coax Upson from a club that needs cash quickly. The rest? Absolute hogwash. It’s the kind of amateur hour stuff I’d expect from EPL Talk, really.

So who will City realistically chase, and who will they have the best chance of signing? Who should they be selling immediately at the first sign of interest, and who should they protect for dear life?

My picks for new signings: Di Maria, Pele’s younger brother Fred Pele, Ali Dia, Lionel Messi, God, Kevin Keegan, and Ronaldinho.

My picks for pink slips on Jan. 1: Robinho, Benjani, Santa Cruz, Sylvinho.