Ol' Onion Bag himself
We all know the Irishman from his continual midweek assaults on the senses as part of ESPN’s old Champions League coverage (mercifully, they no longer have the rights), and whenever there are soccer opinions to be aired on tWWL, Smyth is the default to which they shamelessly submit. He contains enough idiocy to make Alexi Lalas appear knowledgeable, and yet all the while, we endure him, we tolerate him (barely), and we hope he’ll go away.
Cue ESPN in the UK, and their decision to air free-of-charge all weekend and subject the British audience, far less prone to accept Smyth’s unique brand of nonsense, to the Crown Prince of Crap himself.
And what a decision, as evidenced in a rather hilarious blog by Martin Kelner on The Guardian this weekend, proving that even the UK audience is far from enamored with the inanity, breezily and enthusiastically as it may well be delivered:
it was first announced that the America-based channel was to take over Setanta’s Premier League contract, I received a number of emails from readers in the States which mentioned Smyth in less than complimentary terms. His brand of total bollocks – sorry, but that really is the only word for it – cheerily delivered has been a feature of soccer coverage over there for some years, driving to distraction ex-pats who take their football seriously.”
Mr. Kelner is just getting warmed up.
“On his entrances and exits Smyth, who always wears a suit at least one size too small, gives a little vaudeville salute, just in case you were in danger of taking him seriously. He did play a little football in Scotland 50 years ago, but these days he is something of a stage Irishman, with the blarney level turned right up, talking about “the auld onion bag” and so on. He provides the kind of coverage that might appeal to an American audience that sees soccer as a rather comical pastime, taking Mexicans’ minds off the terrible food and stopping Europeans declaring war on each other.”
Hallelujah! It’s more or less what we statesiders have been saying for years, and yet he’s so firmly entrenched in Bristol, CT that the mere mention of soccer in this country is intertwined with his blandishment (imagine if they still had CL broadcasting rights).
The blog continues with more classic Smyth-icisms:
“Smyth was teamed with Frank Leboeuf, one of whose functions was to furrow his brow as Tommy picked his top 25 teams, a ridiculous weekly feature in which he names the best-performing 25 teams in the world. Leboeuf questioned Monterey’s appearance in the chart, and why Chelsea were below Internazionale. I can answer that: it is nonsense.”
While ESPN have been slowly winning fans in the US for some astute hires ahead of the World Cup – having Martin Tyler as commentary lead ranks as their best hiring move since the decision to give air time to the animated, Cheez Doodle-loving shoutbox that is Stephen A. Smith – it seems that across the Atlantic, their personnel choices aren’t entirely receiving of praise (though the blog correctly notes that the salvage of Ray Stubbs, Jon Champion and Joe Royle from what-used-to-be-Setanta was canny in the extreme). Also, as the blog asserts, it’s hardly the smartest way to entice viewers to pay the subscription fee, knowing what poison they’d be allowing into their living rooms.
So what next for Smyth? That’s now two major TV audiences hip to your uselessness, though he can hardly be blamed for forging ahead with such a nice, guaranteed paycheck (sidenote: if any ESPN moles could enlighten us as to how much Tommy Smyth makes, we’d forever be in your debt).
That said, for all his ridicule-inviting observations, he’s light years better than the man who butchered the 2006 World Cup from the booth, Mr. Dave O’Brien. Oh, soccer trying to move into the American mainstream… how I weep for thee. Why? Because some way, some how, it’ll still involve Tommy Smyth.
Dave O’Brien, though please insult him in anyway possible. Who will ever forget that every match had a segment my wife and I dubbed: “Story Time with Uncle Dave”?
My bad, CJdomer… fixed now.
Not sure I can agree with Mr. Kelvin on this point:
He provides the kind of coverage that might appeal to an American audience that sees soccer as a rather comical pastime, taking Mexicans’ minds off the terrible food and stopping Europeans declaring war on each other.
Americans may think a lot about Mexicans but they certainly don’t think Mexican food (and Americanized Mexican food)is terrible judging on the popularity of Mexican eateries.
Also, when has Europe ever stopped a war for soccer? I thought that was Africa and South America.
No.
/ Didn’t even need to read the post to know the answer to the question
Does anybody like Tommy Smyth?
F**K NO.
Oh c’mon James, Tommy’s not that bad. Goodness, for years he’s been the only footy analyst we’ve had in the States. Now, of course, we’re all getting spoiled with the likes of Alexi Lalas, Eric Wynalda, Max Bretos and Bobby McMahon to break down the beautiful game for us. Tommy’s like a crazy old uncle with his goofy sayings. But if his goofiness were somehow silenced, I’d miss the old boy.
Sean: I guess my issue is that “new” fans to the game will watch him and run for the hills. He’s an idiot, and festoons the audience with pointless “observations” and information that has no bearing on the game. No incision whatsoever in his opinions. And I must disagree that we are spoiled with Lalas, Wynalda and Bretos. They’re awful.
Sean, I watched Arsenal and Man U in a Champs Lge tie i think last year. In the 47th min, Smyth talked about how Nasri needed to do a better job marking O’Shea at RB…..now this infuriated me for two reasons….
1. O’Shea is hardly an attacking threat at RB, period.
2. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that Nasri was playing central holding mid for the entire 1st half, and I think Diaby was the LM at the time, so it was rather obvious that he was just reading his incorrect team sheet rather than watching the game
Wynalda can be good on occasion. Unfortunately, those occasions are very rare. Lalas is unbearable. Bretos ruins games (I hate how overly emotional he gets). However, compared to the commentary of O’Brien and insights of Hopkins (once described Michael Owen as having a thunderbolt-striking left foot), those three are footie geniuses.
As an American viewer who was introduced to the wonder of the Champions League by the wonderful Derek Rae and the wondefully woeful Tommy Smyth, I can only imagine what the die hard footy viewers in the UK thought of this. Presspass used to be here last season until ESPN lost rights to the Champions League here (thank god) and they promptly removed Presspass as well, saving it for their other international audiences (including, apparently, England).
ESPN has regailed us with their commitment to blowing our minds with their World Cup coverage and even broadcasts the MLS and 1 prem game a week (at the ungodly California hour of 4:45 am), but their main focus is the US Mens National Team. by far. They showed highlights of Rooney’s 4 goal outburst the other day as a means to promote the USA England match in July!
In short, be glad that ESPN is treating you right when it comes to the sport while we get the parade of clowns. Obviously this Tommy Smyth ripple may cause some consternation, but ESPN is a bottom line business and they will not do anything to jeopardize their toe hold in the UK. Though we’ll see how they approach next year with only half the prem games as this year.
I think some of you missed the intended sarcasm in my post.
Sorry Sean, I definitely did!
I don’t think anyone really hates the little chap, but he should not be covering football on TV. He does’nt know enough and makes a tit of himself. These jobs need to go to ex pros and folks who are football mad enough to know the facts.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tiger McCheetah, Unprofessional Foul. Unprofessional Foul said: Tommy Smythe sucks no matter what country you are in http://tinyurl.com/yeg85c9 [...]
@TFA: I think he meant that Mexicans living in the US hate American food, and Tommy makes them forget about it. It’s funny because I didn’t know Brits were allowed to make fun of anyone else’s cuisine.
Oh, and Tommy can go suck a hairy auld onion bag.
I knew I if I googled Smyth there would be people like me who are amazed this total prick has a job in football or the media, his views and knowledge of the game are without doubt the worst I ever come across, how he got a job on TV is beyond me, I cringe every time he opens his big gob and more shite comes out!
Just stayed up to watch the Copa America as I’m stuggling with the lack of football this summer! The new season can’t come soon enough! This bloke was on the panel and within about a minute I could tell how awful he was as a pundit. After 10 I had decided he was arguably the worst pundit I’d ever come across and seached google to a heap of articles like this… The bloke is a class A twat.