He Won't Be Smiling After Reading This
What, you didn’t think our guesting Chelsea fan wouldn’t have a word or two to say about John Terry’s sex life, did you? Our impromptu Terry Tuesday continues.
Full disclosure: I’ve been a Chelsea fan since I was 7. My hero as a kid was King Osgood, and I cried into my boarding school pillow when Peter Bonetti screwed the pooch against West Germany in the 1970 World Cup knock out round. Mourinho is God, Lampard the Messiah and Terry my St. Peter. My only claim to objectivity is that I, like 99% of all humanity, loathe Avram “The Jowl” Grant.
Now that I’ve laid out my utterly biased background, it’s actually very easy to write these next words.
John Terry should not be the Captain of the England squad. What’s more, he should not even be on the team.
I’ve read all of the arguments. I’ve absorbed the passionate discourse about how boys-will-be-boys and that sportsmen aren’t role models (clearly). And hey, if Ashley Cole can be seen in grainy video playing hump hockey with a strumpet to be named later, and Lamps can jettison his family in divorce proceedings, why aren’t they under the cosh too?
C’mon people. HE BONED THE MOTHER OF A TEAMMATE’S KID. I don’t even have to use the word “allegedly” here. If there’s a line in what we find acceptable, Terry crossed it and landed in the patch right next to “thou shalt not be a noted sheep buggerer and keep thine national spot.”
I want to climb astride my high horse and proclaim that we, the English, the proud progenitors of the world’s greatest game, should lead from the front. That in a sea of sewage, we can still find the light of right and remind the globe that it is both an honor and an earned privilege to sport one’s nation’s colors. You learned about the connection between ethics and the ability to play a team sport when you were 6 years old. But I know that, especially in a World Cup year, such morality will hold no truck with my rabid countrymates. Morality be damned – Germany’s won a U-boat-load of World Cups since we last even reached a final and this abomination must end.
No, it’s much simpler than that. HE BONED THE MOTHER OF A TEAMMATE’S KID. And when you take a giant hand grenade like that, and throw it into your own dressing room, then you just don’t get to wear the strip any more.
The discussion about Terry losing his captaincy is an absurdism. Murderers, dog killers, rapists, child molesters and Terry don’t get to be Captain. They don’t even get to be accepted members of a remotely civil society…
…even when they score the winning goal against Burnley in the last 10 minutes.
HURRAH! Sold.
Can him Fabio. I was on the fence with regards to him going but in the ‘take the armband’ camp. But you are right sir, he should not be in that shirt.
I’m happy to read this. Unfortunately, many seem to think that giving the armband to Gerrard will show EBJT just how wrong he was and then move on to another tabloid interest. No way he will be left home. Maybe a he should be made to sit their opening match vs. the US. That sounds good to me.
I, like 99% of all humanity, loathe Avram “The Jowl” Grant.
Who could possibly hate AVRAM!?
I thoroughly enjoyed Avram’s performances as Chief Insepector Dreyfus in the Blake Edward’s Pink Panther movies.
I thoroughly enjoyed Avram’s performances as Chief Inspector Dreyfus in the Blake Edward’s Pink Panther movies.
No need to repeat a lame joke, phil, you asshat.
Apparently his performance was so nice, you had to say it twice, phil
Let me start off by saying I loathe John Terry.
But let’s be honest, nothing will “show John Terry how wrong he was”. If you’re the kind of guy who screws your best friend’s wife, there’s probably some deeply ingrained issues buried there. Maybe a good ass-kicking from Wayne Bridge might help, but being kicked off the England team is not going to teach him to stop cheating on his wife or end his rampant douchebaggery.
It’s like Bill Clinton banging Monica in the oval office. Sure, that’s a pretty sleazy move there Bill, but does it mean you’re not capable of doing your job? I would argue no.
Wayne Bridge has no business being on the national team because he, quite frankly, has not been good enough this season. The only way this can possibly impair John Terry doing his job is if Gerrard, Rooney, etc. cannot work with them. Unless there’s a large outpouring of complaints from Terry’s teammates, I say let the man play. And if they still want him to be there captain on the field, then so be it.
As an American, I don’t give a s**t who John Terry bones or which teammates’ WAG he knocks up. I don’t give a s**t who is the English captain. I don’t give much of a s**t about the English national team at all. Why? Because I’m an American… Terry can knock up a goat for all I care (but not the one who comments on our site).
But, hey, if all this causes more pressure, infighting, or general unrest within the team, then please keep discussing. Anything that helps my coutry’s chances against the fine upstanding pillars of humanity that are England’s Philandering John Terry, Dickstomp Rooney, Drunken Idiot Crouch, etc.
Actually, Terry *has* knocked me up. Just doing my part to help Los Gringos beat England.
Good man, Goat. It already pains me to know that your extraordinary efforts will be wasted by Bob Bradley.
Eyebrows, you’re point about teaching JT a lesson is interesting but irrelevant (sort of like your idol Lennon over the course of a season). I don’t care whether he’s taught a thing – I just don’t want a bloke who porks a teammate’s woman in my squad.
Now Precious Roy, on the other hand, totally gets it
EBJT may not deserve to be captain of any fidelity teams or the leader of a choir, but we’re talking about the World Cup, literally the most biggest sporting event on the planet. Football is not a morality contest, but a competitive sport requiring ruthless physicality and intelligent leadership in the back. Is stripping Terry of the captaincy going to be LESS disruptive than doing nothing? How many other people in that locker-room (Cole, Agbonlahor, Rooney) have done something stupid – and worse publicly documented – with their peckers in the last five years? How many haven’t been caught? I hear Aaron Lennon is renowned for his speed.
This isn’t going to be productive from a team chemistry point of view. Won’t it be a gross double-standard to punish Terry for something quite a few of his teammates did already? His job is to be a beast at the back, not win Father of the Year Awards.
Well, well, well. After 12 years, Sampson confirms that he dropped Harkes due to his affair with Wynalda’s wife.
Will Capello follow the immortal Steve Sampson? As a US supporter, I can only hope.
Steve Sampson now has a nice little crutch to lean on, it’s still doesn’t absolve him from the massive disaster he oversaw in France.
I am very excited to hear what Harkes has to say when he announces the friendly on March 3rd now though.
I, for one, love AVRAM!. Perhaps if I started bolding his name as well when I type it on here.
AVRAM!
Very nice.