Unprofessional Foul


February 3, 2010

The Good, The Bad, The WTF


Ah, Northampton Town. I don’t have to tell you lot that they play in League Two. You’re all smart enough to know that already. Look at that badge. They have a castle, a wolf, a dragon and a football boot all wedged in there. Who cares if they were relegated last season and have no hope of popping back up this year? NTFC are extra awesome!

Alright. I give up. I know next to nothing about Northampton Town. I know that they have one American on their team, Sebastian Harris, who hails from Lake Orion in Michigan. If you’re nice, NY Kid and Spectator may be along to school you about this part of the state. Oh, and in two of the three cup competitions this year (FA Cup and Carling Cup), NTFC were ousted by Southampton. Puzzlingly, these two clubs are separated by over 100 miles, much more than, say, East Hampton and Westhampton on Long Island. Why that bugs me, I don’t know. I just thought they would be closer.

Anyway, in 1992, like so many other teams, Northampton committed an atrocity on fabric. Let’s go look.

I can hear it now. The groans. The wailing. The gnashing of teeth, the lashing of breasts. Can you believe the spelled it “Supacentre”? And that exclamation point in the store’s name. The only way that should be on there is if it is the pronounced click from the Khoisan language family.

But none of that is why I brought you here today. No, the atrocity this week is the shorts.

It’s not the general shortness of the shorts. For the time, that’s to be expected. Sure, in pictures of matches from back then you can sometimes see way more than you would like to, but everybody was wearing them at that length. Just like the Nazis, you can’t blame individuals for going along with what everyone is doing, right?

Ahem. Sorry. Not the tack I meant to take. Strike that, would you?

So, yeah, the shorts are short, but they are also amazingly horrible. The shirt that they are paired with above (FWIW, this is the away kit) is not bad. Yes, there’s the requisite sublimated print, and there’s a hint of sponge-painting in the pattern on the shoulders, but it’s nothing like the shorts. The shorts bring the sponge-painting too, of course, but then it’s merged with a sort of plaid pattern. Worse yet, the combination of the two makes it look like there are crosses all over the shorts, including the upside-down ones preferred by your local mall-goths.

In the end, maybe it’s lucky that the shorts of the time were so small, because who knows what you would see if there were more material on these shorts? Only a company run by a real Hitler would do that to their customers.

(Once again, sorry. I think I’ve watched too many History Channel specials lately. These shorts and the Nazis have nothing in common, as far as I know)

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