Unprofessional Foul
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Contributors

February 9, 2010
 

The Beautiful Game Indeed

Good morning. I’ll go ahead and say “you’re welcome” as well. Go thank Sports Illustrated as well while you are at it. Why am I assuming premature thanks? Let’s see if I can sum it up in bullet points.

  • World Cup players
  • WAGs
  • Body paint
  • Sans clothes
  • Pictures and video

It makes it even better when I let you know that it is not the players, but instead their WAGs, that are pictured in the naked-excpet-for-the-body-paint way. Intrigued? Let’s jump in together. Probably NSFW, even though the paint covers stuff strategically.

Apparently, this is all part of Sports Illustrated‘s annual swimsuit issue, though a body paint bikini may be the least practical swimsuit ever. In celebration of this year’s World Cup, SI brought in Abbey Clancey (fiancee of Peter Crouch),  Sarah Brandner (Bastian Schwenisteiger’s girlfriend), Bethany Dempsey (Deuce’s wife) and Melissa Satta (Girlfriend of Christian Vieri). OK, OK, Vieri hasn’t been on an Italian team since 2005, but where else were they going to find a hot and willing Italian woman?

Come on, SI, that should have been easy.

But I digress. Let’s look at pictures, hit links, and talk about their relative pluses and minuses in the comments. Remember, personality counts for something. . .in real life. These women prostituted themselves for a magazine, so feel free to be unkind.

Abbey Clancy

Notice how SI had to go with the old England away shirt because the new one hasn’t been (edit-officially) released yet. Also, if you noticed that, you are a soccer geek.

Sarah Brandner

Why couldn’t these women get full shirts painted on them? I mean, poor Sarah here looks like the has the long-sleeved version of this shirt, but the cuffs don’t come all the way to here wrists. Odd, no?

Bethany Dempsey

Look at the size of that rock! Did you know that the Aramaic origin of Bethany means “house of poverty”? Looks like some good, ol’ fashioned, American can-do spirit broke Mrs. Dempsey out of that cycle. USA! USA! USA!

Melissa Satta

Satta here appears to be the most pointy of all of the ladies. OK, SI, you are forgiven for not finding a current Italian NT WAG, though Mrs. Buffon would have been very nice.

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Jacob