EPL Liveblog: Portsmouth v. Chelsea

STARING COMPETITION

This should be simple enough for Carlo Ancelotti and the Blues… right? Still, a trip to Fratton Park has ended in defeat for decent teams before today — well, just Liverpool really — and they’re playing with enough gusto these days (and enough of a carefree attitude) to make things difficult if they feel like it.

Chelsea have had a rough week (we’ve been over it enough, but one more time couldn’t hurt — CL exit, 1-1 draw at Ewood Park) and with Ancelotti now forced to spend valuable press conference minutes answering questions about his job security instead of the teams he’s going to put out from now until season’s end.

I’m guessing it’ll be over by half-time and we can all go on with our lives. Lineups, and other fixtures, after the jump.

STARTING LINEUPS AT FRATTON PARK
Portsmouth (4-5-1): James – Finnan, Rocha, Hreidarsson, Mullins – Smith, Wilson, Mokoena, Hughes, O’Hara – Piquionne.
Subs: Ashdown, Brown, Owusu-Abeyie, Vanden Borre, Webber, Kanu, Basinas.

Chelsea (4-3-3): Cech, Paulo Ferreira, Carvalho, Terry, Zhirkov – Lampard, Mikel, Deco – Sturridge, Drogba, Malouda.
Subs: Turnbull, Joe Cole, Kalou, Alex, Anelka, Bruma, Van Aanholt.

Referee: Lee Mason (Lancashire)

Other Games In The EPL Tonight:
Aston Villa v. Sunderland
Manchester City v. Everton
Blackburn v. Birmingham City

Oh, and the FA Cup too:
Tottenham Hotspur v. Fulham

Five changes for Ancelotti tonight, not to mention a change of formation. When you’re struggling, you’ll try anything I suppose.

We’re off! Pompey have it first and swoop down the left wing, but O’Hara’s cross for Piquionne ends up in Cech’s arms.

2 mins: Chelsea win their first corner of the game as Zhirkov’s cross from the left flank is deflected behind. The 4-3-3 and 4-5-1 will work to create a lot of room on the pitch in midfield, I reckon, as the lineups geared towards wide play. For anyone able to show a bit of skill in the middle, there will be space to move into.

4 mins: Nice to hear the Pompey fans in full song; presumably, they’re excited about being able to hold their fire sale months before anyone else. Interesting to note that Finnan is playing the unfamiliar role of left-back tonight, and that Nadir Belhadj wasn’t picked in the squad. Might he be the first asset sold off?

6 mins: Deco shows his rustiness in front of goal. Latching onto a flick-on by Sturridge, the diminutive Portuguese midfielder, who never really settled at Stamford Bridge, skipped past a tackle or two and worked his way to the top of the box for a shot. The chance quickly disappears as he hesitates, and then Drogba shoots comfortably wide through a host of defenders from the broken play.

8 mins: It’s not taking long for all the room to make itself known, though this time the space was between Ricardo Rocha and Hayden Mullins. Neither had bothered to note Drogba’s run between them, and he gets to a long pass from Mikel before a nice tackle by Mullins blocks his shot. It pings back to Malouda who shoots wide. Mercifully for the home side, the offside flag was up. Still, some dopey defending by Pompey.

11 mins: Another decent chance for Chelsea. Mikel’s mazy run crossfield from the right ends with the ball at Lampard’s feet. Fat Frank slips it neatly onto his right foot and uncorks a powerful, swerving drive that requires a neat save from James to keep the score at 0-0. Lampard follows up by blasting the corner right to James on the edge of the six-yard box.

And yes, that incessant drum-banging in the stands is going to get annoying shortly.

14 mins: It’s all Chelsea so far, predictably. Malouda passes it infield to Lampard, who takes a few steps up and shoots low. A decent effort, but one that James had covered.

16 mins: More neat, incisive Chelsea passing culminates in Daniel Sturridge slipping an angled pass through the backline for Lampard to chase, but Ricardo Rocha read it perfectly and hoofs the ball clear.

Pompey’s five-man midfield are playing rather loosely in defense. They’re not man-marking, but rather drifting zonally from side to side following the ball, the same way a U-9s team might chase possession but with a little more decorum. It won’t be long until Chelsea figure out how to crack this game wide open, especially when you consider the room between the defensive and midfield bands that Pompey seem happy to concede.

17 mins: Zhirkov breezes past Hayden Mullins and cuts to the edge of the box. He passes into Deco’s path for a shot, and the tiny man obliges. Sadly for Chelsea, Drogba blocked his own teammate’s shot, and from an offside position.

GOALS SOMEWHERE ELSE: David Dunn has put Blackburn 1-0 up at home to Birmingham, while Bobby Zamora has given Fulham the lead at White Hart Lane.

20 mins: Pompey have a free-kick in the Chelsea half, but Mark Wilson isn’t quite sure what to do with it. Ergo, he lumps it high towards Hermann Hreidarsson who heads it into the stands.

23 mins: While Pompey fans sing of Wembley and whatnot, Zhirkov bundles Mark Wilson over as the pair look to win a high ball. O’Hara takes it short and gets the ball back for a shot from 25 yards, but Daniel Sturridge has other plans, taking out O’Hara at the knee before he can shoot. End result: a free-kick closer to goal. O’Hara is grateful and expresses his thanks by blasting it into the wall.

Pompey decide to take their team getting back upfield and allow Zhirkov acres of space to scuttle into as Hayden Mullins was AWOL. The ball finds Zhirkov in full stride, but the Russian can’t make his mind up as to whether he should shoot or cross, and under pressure from Freddy Piquionne, Zhirkov slots the ball right to David James. Should have done better.

27 mins: Chelsea win a corner. Ricardo Rocha wins the clearance header. Then, Hreidarsson has a bit of a jog up the right but his control is poor and allows Zhirkov the chance to steal possession back, at which point the 35-year-old Icelander fouls Zhirkov over the ball.

Moments later, Mokoena escapes what looked to be a yellow card for his 2nd late tackle on Didier Drogba.

GOALS AT VILLA PARK: Frazier Campbell scored for Sunderland, followed up 8 minutes later by a John Carew equalizer. Come on, Mackems!

GOAL – Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 1 – Drogba, 32
Dear oh dear, what misery hast thou calamity wrought. Drogba gets in-between the defenders after a failed Pompey clearance that’s nodded back towards goal by (I think) Deco. Drogba knocks it beyond the reach of Mullins and Rocha, but David James rushes out to the edge of his box to clear it… only for the ball to take a wicked bobble and elude his swinging right foot. Drogba stifles a laugh to walk the ball into an empty net. An awful, awful, dreadful, hilarious goal, though harsh for Pompey as Lee Mason fails to spot an obvious foul by Zhirkov on Jamie O’Hara minutes ago.

34 mins: Carvalho looks injured after another zesty, late challenge by Aaron Mokoena, during which time we see the goal again. The ball took a comical bounce out of a divot, presumably caused by a Pompey player minutes ago on this wet pitch.

35 mins: Pompey cause a stir in the Chelsea box; Mark Wilson fires a free-kick from 25 yards into the wall, it’s worked around to O’Hara on the right wing, and his probing cross requires a smart move by Cech just back from injury to lurch off his line and collect.

CHELSEA SUBSTITUTION: Carvalho is indeed too hurt to continue. He’s replaced by Alex.

GOALS ELSEWHERE THAT HELP LIVERPOOL: Citeh are 1-0 down at home to Everton: thanks — and I can’t believe I’m saying thanks to an Everton player — go to vile, abhorrent Antipodean Tim Cahill for that one. I can only assume it was a header from an offside position like so many of his goals are.

RED YELLOW CARD, CHELSEA – Malouda, 39
Lee Mason indulges in some theatrics, taking an eternity to give the Frenchman a caution for a flying elbow into Ricardo Rocha’s face as the pair tussle for a long ball. That’s fortunate; Rocha is still down receiving medical treatment, and while Malouda definitely connected with the center-back, I’m thinking the linesman judged it not to be a “swinging” elbow. Replays show that it’s rubbish; Malouda was never going to get the ball and didn’t even so much as look to see where it was as he launched into Rocha’s face with his arm.

Rocha’s still down — five minutes and counting — surrounded by medical staff. They’re loading him on a stretcher with an oxygen mask with his head and neck stabilized. Rocha’s stretcher is applauded off the pitch, and Malouda remains a part of this game while his opposite man heads to the hospital. Controversial!

44 mins: Pompey have more trouble as Tommy Smith pursues Sturridge and gets an elbow to his face for his troubles. Smith goes down and blood is streaming from his nose. No card from Lee Mason. Replays show that maybe Sturridge didn’t know Smith was right behind him, but honestly, when you’re swinging your arms around in such a manner, you should accept some responsibility.

PORTSMOUTH SUBSTITUTION: Ricardo Rocha’s replaced by Angelos Basinas.

Meanwhile, the physio helps Smith to the sideline with blood all over the young winger. Here’s hoping he can carry on.

I’m guessing there’s like 20 minutes of injury time to come. David James reacts quickest to get a cross from Sturridge. Pompey have been hard done to today; a goal from a wicked divot/bobble, two injuries caused by flying Chelsea elbows, and an obvious foul missed by Mason that directly led to that freak goal.

HALF TIME: Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 1
I’m guessing Lee Mason wanted to avoid the booing?

PORTSMOUTH SUBSTITUTION: Quincy Owusu-Abeyie replaces Tommy Smith. I’m guessing he didn’t stop bleeding from the nose during the interval.

FA CUP GOAL TO SPEAK OF: David Bentley’s equalized for Spurs at home to Fulham, and it was apparently a rather nice free-kick.

We’re off again!

47 mins: Malouda wins a corner off Hayden Mullins, but Pompey do enough to clear and break away with O’Hara, who latches onto the loose ball and steams up the middle. It’s worked wide to Owusu-Abeyie, but he can’t do much with it.

50 mins: That drum’s still making plenty of noise.

GOAL – Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 2 – Malouda, 50
Goal for the man with the lethal elbow. Lampard’s angled pass springs the Frenchman behind Mullins, and he takes it to the edge of the six-yard-box before rifling a shot through James’ hands from a narrow angle. Goalkeeper had no chance, and Malouda gets to do his jig at the corner flag. Some might say he shouldn’t be on the pitch after that challenge on Ricardo Rocha, but that’s the way it goes…

GOAL FOR ELADIO TO CHEER (UNLESS HE’S A TAMWORTH SUPPORTER): Cambridge United are up 1-0 on Tamworth… a man by the name of “D. Crow” bagged the goal just minutes ago.

54 mins: Tempers are flaring a little. Sturridge was down following a late tackle-from-behind by Mark Wilson. After Pompey try — and fail — to work a goal-scoring chance, Deco waits until the ball goes out of play to berate Jamie O’Hara for playing on after seeing Sturridge on the deck. O’Hara presumably responds with something akin to “eff off, Deco, your lot injured two of mine already” at which point handbags are thrown and Drogba and ref Lee Mason mediate.

CHELSEA SUBSTITUTION: Sturridge comes off having failed to shake the injury, replaced by Joe Cole. The commentator suggests that maybe Ancelotti took the young striker off as Pompey players might be seeking retaliation after the elbow to Tommy Smith in a wonderful conspiracy theory moment.

56 mins: Joe Cole has his first touch. It’s a shanked half-volley from the edge of the box that whizzes into the stands.

57 mins: Credit to Jamie O’Hara, who’s doing anything to give his loan club a fighting chance. He picks it up inside the box with his back to goal after nice work down the left by Mark Wilson, spinning sharply and firing off a shot that is blocked over the bar. Chelsea clear the corner and break down the other end. Joe Cole is set free down the right and forces a fine low save from David James.

GOAL AT WHITE HART LANE: Roman Pavlyuchenko puts the home side 2-1 up in that FA Cup replay.

GOAL – Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 3 – Malouda, 59
James fails to hold Lampard’s stinging low drive from the edge of the box, and the maligned elbow-thrower is there to slam the rebound into the roof of the net. Easy as you like, really, and my prediction of this game being over by half-time was off by fifteen minutes.

62 mins: Lampard forces another fine save from James after nice work down the left by Malouda. If only his backline were exerting as much effort…

Malouda almost gets goal-side as Lampard’s inside pass had Mullins beaten, but Wilson is there to whack it clean out of Fratton Park.

64 mins: Drogba gets bundled over 30 yards out by Hreidarsson, giving Alex a chance to shoot from range. He blasts it well wide.

GOAL AT WHITE HART LANE: I’m not holding out hope for more Europa League-esque heroics, but Fulham are now 3-1 down at Spurs thanks to Eidur Gudjohnsen.

YELLOW CARD, PORTSMOUTH – O’Hara, 68
The midfielder gets fed up of chasing the ball around and tugs Mikel back as the midfielder looks to have gotten past him. The game’s died a bit, and I feel like I have too just for watching.

PORTSMOUTH SUBSTITUTION: Aaron Mokoena exits, replaces by Nwankwo Kanu. I didn’t even know he was still playing.

73 mins: Not a lot happening, as you’d expect in the final 20 minutes of a 3-0 game. Couple of Chelsea corners, but no menace. Owusu-Abeyie almost plays Piquionne through on goal but Cech sweeps off his line to collect.

CHELSEA SUBSTITUTION: Youngster Patrick van Aanholt comes on to replace Yuri Zhirkov.

75 mins: I’m falling asleep. Lots of aimless, lazy passing with neither teams particularly motivated to do anything meaningful with the ball.

GOAL – Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 4 – Drogba, 77
That’s the Ivorian’s 30th goal this season? He gets behind Finnan to latch onto the crossfield pass, holds off the Irishman’s challenge, and then slots it between James and the near post. Easy stuff. Can I go home now?

79 mins: To compound Pompey’s misery, Richard Hughes misses a sitter following chaos from a corner.

GOALS AT EWOOD PARK: I missed McFadden’s equalizer 10 minutes ago, but caught Dunn’s second for Blackburn just moments ago. Nice stuff.

81 mins: Pompey can’t retain possession to save their lives and don’t appear too interested in trying to win it back. Such a sad display, really, but the EPL gods and their plunge into administration has left with them absolutely nothing to play for over the final 7-8 games. Down 4-0, they’re hoping for the final whistle just as much as I am.

83 mins: A decent passage of play for Pompey down the right, aided no doubt by Chelsea’s apparently lack of care with the game in the bag. Piquionne and Kanu combine on the wing before Piquionne does wonderfully to skip infield down the touchline and cut it back for the Nigerian striker… only to watch King Kanu volley well over the bar.

84 mins: Drogba misses out on his hat-trick, following a fine run and cross from the left by van Aanholt. With half the goal to aim at, Drogba toepokes van Aanholt’s low cross over the bar. Poor from the Ivorian; good thing they didn’t need that one.

YELLOW CARD, PORTSMOUTH: Hughes, 86
The midfielder slides late into Paulo Ferreira. Easy call for Lee Mason.

GOAL AT EASTLANDS: Mikel Arteta doubles Everton’s advantage over Manchester City, making me a very happy man indeed.

88 mins: O’Hara does well to elude a challenge and slip it wide for Mullins, but the right-back’s powerful low shot grazes past the outside of the far post.

YELLOW CARD, CHELSEA – Mikel, 89
Mikel does a nice Dumb and Dumber impression. Having fouled O’Hara right in front of the referee, he then throws the ball away in a petulant rage. Youth is wasted on the young, eh?

Three minutes of added time remaining.

THANKS GUYS!
With Aston Villa drawing 1-1 at home to Sunderland and Citeh losing 2-0 at home to Everton, all is not lost in the “Race” for 4th. (We should really call it a crawl for 4th instead). Then again, this probably helps Tottenham more than anyone, but I remain hopeful. Keep blowing those games in hand, lads!

90 mins + 2: Mullins gives the ball away to Deco at the edge of the box with Chelsea players lining up to add a fifth goal, but Richard Hughes did well to intercept the pass and take it upfield.

GOAL – Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 5 – Lampard, 90 + 3
Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Owusu-Abeyie carelessly cedes possession in midfield. The ball’s swept down the right flank to Joe Cole, and his cross is right there for Lampard to nod home from seriously three yards out.

YELLOW CARD, PORTSMOUTH – James, 90 + 3
The goalkeeper, who’s tried so hard to keep the Blues out tonight, gets a caution for booting the ball away in obvious frustration.

FULL TIME: Portsmouth 0, Chelsea 5
When you’re down, you can expect to keep getting kicked. Malouda avoids a red card in the first half and goes on to notch two goals in a thoroughly comfortable win for Ancelotti, one that puts them right back in the hunt at the top of the EPL. Mild cause for concern in that Drogba limped off after the goal in obvious pain, but for now, just what the doctor ordered for Chelsea.

Thanks for following along. I’m off to re-calculate how many points LFC need to finish 4th.