Champions League Liveblog: Lyon v. Bayern

Will it be all smiles at home sweet home for Les Gones?

When last we met for a Bayern v. Lyon tilt, things went the way of Ze Germans. After a sending-off for Ribery followed by some reciprocity from Toulalan, it was another wonder-strike from Robben that secured the 1-0 victory, giving Bayern the advantage in this tie.

However, they now face Lyon at the Stade Gerland where Les Gones have not yet lost a match in this Champions League.

Referee Massimo Busacca is in charge tonight, and he will be looking closely to see if Puel and Van Gaal can control their players a little better than last week.

Olympique Lyonnais: Lloris, Cris, Boumsong, Cissokho, Reveillere, Makoun, Gonalons, Bastos, Govou, Delgado, Lisandro Lopez. Subs: Vercoutre, Kallstrom, Pjanic, Ederson, Gomis, Anderson, Gassama.

FC Bayern Munich: Butt, Lahm, Van Buyten, Badstuber, Contento, Schweinsteiger, Van Bommel, Robben, Altintop, Muller, Olic. Subs: Rensing, Demichelis, Gorlitz, Klose, Alaba, Gomez.

So Lyon will feature a side that is significantly different from last week’s, with Boumsong and Bastos back from injuries and Toulalan missing due to suspension. Bayern, meanwhile, start the same side with the exception of Altintop taking the place of the suspended Ribery in the midfield.

In terms of comparisons between the sides, Lyon present:

while Bayern counter with:

Shit, those Germans seem angry.

00:00 – The fact that Warren Barton just claimed that Bafe Gomis plays more often than Lisandro Lopez in domestic competition makes me want to puncture my eardrums.

00:00 – I was so incensed that I actually looked up the statistics. Lopez has started 75% of the matches for which he was available (22 of 28) and was subbed in the remaining 25%. Gomis has started 59% of the matches for which he was available (19 of 32) and was subbed in the remaining 41%. The moral of the story is that Warren Barton is a tit.

00:00 – Also, I had no idea that Mickey Rourke was the lead singer of Rammstein. That guy is versatile!

00:00 – Dear Lisandro Lopez, stop hugging that boy or Chris Hanson is going to need to speak to you.

00:01 – AND WE’RE OFF!

00:30 – First foul of the match and Van Buyten takes down Lisandro from behind. I demand a RC!

02:00 – Muller misses an absolute sitter! Olic turns Cris easily and slots it into the middle for Muller, who is alone in front of goal and he puts it 3 inches wide. Incredible.

03:30 – Olic exerts some effort in chasing down a poor pass over the top, and only succeeds in turning a likely throw-in for Lyon into a goal-kick for Lyon. Well played, sir.

05:00 – Maxime Gonalons puts his shot into Row Zed while the Bayern defenders smirk. Let’s just say that he isn’t exactly the most dangerous man on the pitch.

06:00 – Van Buyten lets a ball go over the endline thinking that it had come off Cissokho. OOPS. The resulting corner comes to Cris, who is unable to get more than a slight nod on the ball to watch it go out.

07:20 – Bastos is already causing trouble for Bayern, although he isn’t able to get anything out of it this time. If Lyon are to score, it is most likely coming to come from Bastos to Lisandro or Govou.

08:45 – Schweinsteiger plays Robben through, but the return pass into the middle is cut out by Boumsong. The throw-in comes to Muller, who plays the ball across the goalmouth only to find that none of his teammates are there for the finish. They are carving up the Lyon back 4.

09:40 – A ball into the Bayern box is dangerous, but Lahm cuts it out. The counter-attack is quick, but the ball from Altintop is poor and Lloris is easily able to clear the backpass.

11:10 – Lisandro plays a nice ball for Delgado that beats the offside trap, but his cross to the far post finds absolutely no one anywhere near it. Poor pressure from Lyon, with Bastos a little lazy in getting up the pitch.

11:55 – Contento fouls Bastos after the Brazilian had turned the youngster, but somehow the free-kick is given to Bayern. They build slowly through the midfield, but when the ball arrives to Robben he turns it over. Unfortunately for Lyon, that ball made its way to Van Buyten, who was fouled by Lisandro and went down under sniper fire.

14:05 – The whistles are constant at the Stade Gerland as Bayern are content for the moment to play very defensively, moving the ball all the way back to Lahm and Badstuber, while holding 9 men on their half of the pitch.

15:30 – Cris commits an egregious turnover, but then manages to get his foot in front of a shot from Van Bommel that was comically taken from 30 yards out. Poor play from both men there.

17:45 – More play through the midfield as Van Bommel and Cris once again trade turnovers. The ball eventually makes its way back to Butt, and Robben is fouled by Cissokho (who climbed his back) on the goal-kick. The resulting free-kick from Robben is flicked on, and that flick actually puts Olic in an offside position.

20:40 – A flick from Govou to Lisandro is just a touch too far from the Argentine, and Butt comes out to easily take it. His punt is poor, allowing Lyon tom come back in through the midfield, where Van Buyten fouls Lisandro for the 1,092nd time this match. The free-kick from Delgado is easy for Butt, who decides to make the catch rather than watch it go out.

22:40 – On a counter-attack Gonalons fouls Van Bommel, who is well past him, and earns a YC meaning that he would miss the final if Lyon advance.

23:50 – A pretty move from Altintop is marred when he is dispossessed by Govou and then comes through the Frenchman to earn himself Bayern’s first YC. Apparently, Mr. Busacca has had enough of your shenanigans.

24:50 – Bastos sends yet another poor cross into the box which is easily taken by Butt. HA! His name is Butt.

25:10 – GOAL! Bayern 1-0 Lyon. Olic and Robben start the break, but Lyon get back quickly enough. However, Bayern maintain the possession on a throw-in, and the give-and-go between Muller and Robben results in a pass to Olic who spins Cissokho (Govou?) for an easy finish past Lloris. This tie is effectively over, as Lyon now need 3 goals to advance.

28:20 – The wind is completely out of the sails of Les Gones, and the stadium is silent except for the chants of the away supporters. This will be a long road back and in 120 minutes Lyon haven’t looked they are capable of trekking down that road.

30:00 – A chip over the top into the box is met at the back post by Bastos, who volleys it inches wide of the far post. An astonishing miss, considering how far across the goal he had to go with that shot.

32:20 – Lahm attempts to play Olic through the middle, but there was some miscommunication as the latter was headed outside. Schweinsteiger regains possession, and the ball moves from Lahm to Robben, whose shot comes off Gonalons. The assistant has missed it, as Lyon have the goal-kick.

34:40 – Reveillere (first time his name has come up today), sends the ball into Bastos, whose attempt to turn it inside comes off Van Buyten for a corner. That ball is headed away by Altintop, and Bayern start the break. Muller winds up with it, but his pass for Robben comes off Bastos, allowing Lloris to come out and get it.

36:50 – Robben races down the right side, is dispossessed, and takes an egregious dive. The break ends quickly when Gonalons sends a pass too far ahead of Govou, who turns around with a look of disgust.

38:10 – An embarrassing shot from Gonalons results in yet another break for Bayern, and Robben’s shot comes off Cissokho for a corner. That ball is played in by Robben for Lloris to punch it clear.

39:50 – Bayern seem eager to find the back of the net a second time, and they are working far harder than Lyon at the moment. Continual counter-attacks are stopped only due to the presence of Cissokho and Bastos, with the latter doing an excellent job tracking back on defense.

41:00 – Robben begins to cry when he is ruled offside, and to be honest I’m still not sure if he was or not after the replay.

42:55 – Delgado finds himself about 4 yards offside, and his face says it all: Lyon feel absolutely helpless to do anything here.

44:45 – Bastos takes control with an excellent turn and finds Delgado in the box, but he is unable to do anything with it. His futility is a fitting end to the half.

HALF-TIME: Bayern 1-0 Lyon (Aggregate: Bayern 2-0 Lyon).

I would be far more amused by the miss from Gastroesophageal Reflex Disease Muller if Bayern weren’t winning this tie 2-0.

Substitutions: For Bayern, Van Buyten is OFF, Demichelis ON. For Lyon, Claude Puel realizes that he needs offense, so it’s Cissokho OFF, Gomis ON.

45:00 – AND WE’RE OFF AGAIN!

46:00 – Andy Gray’s tactical analysis is that Lyon “need to pick it up.” That’s brilliant; why didn’t they think of that?

46:40 – Govou has the ball tackled from him, and I’m fairly convinced that Lisandro Lopez is going to murder someone in the change room after the match.

48:00 – With that ponytail, Demichelis is lucky that Elizabeth Lambert doesn’t play for Lyon.

50:10 – Delgado is dispossessed, and it’s apparent very quickly in this half that Lyon absolutely don’t have the heart for this match. The fact that they are allowing Bayern to push them around is a sad indictment of their play so far.

52:00 – Bayern are still content to play defensively, rolling the ball languidly around the defense and all the way back to Butt. Then they catch Lyon on the break with the ball coming out long to Robben. He finds Schweinsteiger at the top of the area for a volley that is barely high. An impressive strike that goes wanting.

53:40 – The Lyon “pressure” finds 7 Bayern players in the box compared to only 3 for Les Gones. I’m no math whiz, but those aren’t good odds.

54:20 – There is a bit of comedy in the box as Lahm and Delgado get tangled up, and the defender manages to poke the ball away while laying on his back. Even with Bayern falling over themselves Lyon can’t produce anything positive.

56:00 – Batern surge forward on a quick counter-attack, but Lloris makes an excellent diving save to deny Robben. The corner comes flying through untouched by anyone and goes over the endline for a Lyon goal-kick. Olic missed a header despite the fact that he was staring at the ball the entire time. What profligacy!

58:30 – Cris gets in a good tackle, but his momentum carries him through Olic. The Lyon captain earns a YC, and cynically claps toward the referee, earning him a 2nd YC and a dismissal. Mr. Busacca has botched both decisions there, and this match is definitely over now, as Lyon have virtually no hope of scoring 3 goals when they are at a man-disadvantage.

60:00 – Sydney Govou is stirred up by the dismissal, and he lashes an excellent shot that Butt does a great job of saving. As the ball comes back out Altintop is fouled by Makoun and goes down in a heap, resulting in the stoppage of play as the stretcher comes out. On replay, it appears that Makoun hit the Turk in the man-parts. OUCH!

63:20 – Robben plays Lahm down the right side, but his ball into the middle finds Olic barely offside.

64:40 – Delgado loses possession, regains the ball, and then has an easy pass go off his leg and over the touchline. He is having an absolute horror-show of a match here.

65:30 – To demonstrate my point, a ball from Bastos to Delgado is played back into the middle by the latter only to be easily cleared by Demichelis.

66:10 – GOAL! Bayern 2-0 Lyon. The tie is put to bed as Olic earns his brace. He is played through by Altintop and springs the offside trap past Reveillere and the useless Gonalons.

67:00 – Lyon substitution: Delgado OFF, Pjanic ON. Just a few seconds after he comes onto the pitch Pjanic takes a free-kick directly into the pack and it is easily cleared. Well, he’s obviously going to make a difference.

69:10 – A nice move from Govou results in him finding some space, but then he races toward the endline despite Lisandro, Gomis and Reveillere all in position for a pass. WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING PASSES!

70:10 – Bayern are toying with Lyon now, with the ball moving easily around the box. A shot from Robben forces a very nice save from Lloris.

72:00 – Muller is fouled from behind, but Bayern are more than happy to take the free-kick back to the midfield and build slowly from there. The youngster Contento puts the ball out of bounds, but Bayern steal the resulting throw-in. Olic races forward and a last-ditch tackle from Boumsong is all that prevents his hat-trick.

74:20 – Andy Gray just referred to Miroslav Klose as “lethal”, so he is apparently commentating from 2007.

75:10 – A cross into the box from Reveillere is cleared by Demichelis, with Olic taking down the ball well. The break is on yet again, but Olic is denied his hat-trick again through the intervention of Govou. Bayern substitution: Robben OFF, Klose ON.

77:30 – GOAL! Bayern 3-0 Lyon. Olic finally earns his hat-trick after numerous chances when he heads home a beautiful ball from Lahm. Lloris is caught going the wrong way, and is unable to stop the shot despite getting his hand on it.

78:20 – Bayern substitution: Schweinsteiger OFF, Alaba ON. Lyon substitution: Lisandro Lopex OFF, Ederson ON.

79:50 – Why does no one believe that Lyon can score 5 goals in 10 minutes?

80:50 – A corner from Lahm is headed over the bar by Demichelis. Lyon are still unable to get anything going forward as Bayern have played an excellent tactical match, particularly since the sending off of Cris. Closing ranks in their defensive half, Bayern have been able to spring forward on the counter-attack while still maintaining efficient zonal marking in the back. The last 2 goals have been a masterclass in how to take advantage of a helpless opponent.

83:30 – Govou’s pass outside finds Ederson loafing. Seriously, the Brazilian just came on and he’s already taking plays off. Even Randy Moss thinks that’s a bit much.

84:50 – Lahm sends another ball into the box, but it is cleared by Gonalons, who is then fouled. This marks the most productive thing he has done all match.

86:40 – Les Gones are simply ball-watching now, as Bayern continue to move the ball across the entire pitch. Govou, who is almost the only Lyon player to have exhibited any spirit in the match, regains possession but Lyon fall into a pattern of short passes leading nowhere. Rather than try to get a goal of their own for pride, they seem content to sulk out the rest of the match. (Insert “typical French” joke here).

88:50 – Bayern take a short corner and work the ball around to the far post, where Olic has the ball taken off his foot. The ball goes forward, where Gomis manages to get a touch on it for Govou. His ball back into the middle leads to a 25-yard FG from Pjanic, who puts his shot approximately 17 yards over the crossbar.

90:00 – Altintop races forward and has Lloris at his mercy, but he embarrasses the entire country of Turkey by missing inches high and wide.

92:00 – FULL-TIME! Bayern 3-0 Lyon (Aggregate Bayern 4-0 Lyon). Mr. Busacca ends the nightmare for Les Gones. As a Frenchman, I feel that they have embarrassed us all. As a PSG fan, I say “F**k Lyon in the pants.”