Snakes On A World Cup Training Facility

Behold, The Black Mamba

Oh, South Africa. Your economic woes and social unrest have already led FIFA to revise their projections (again) for overseas visitors and ticket sales way down, but now the wild earth is threatening to cause yet more discomfort.

This time, it’s the England team who are beset by Mother Nature. Their training facilities and home base at Bafokeng Sports Campus in Rustenburg took longer than expected to be completed, but now that the Three Lions are in pre-tournament camps and heading to SA next week, they’re on high alert for snakes.

Not the metaphoric, journalist-and-paparazzo-hiding-in-the-bushes type of snake, either. The real, bite-you-and-kill-you kind. I ask you now, snakes of the Rustenburg region: take out Peter Crouch first.

To prepare, the campus medical unit has stocked up on extra anti-venom should any member of the England camp fall foul to the Black Mamba, while other precautions perhaps more attuned to a sleepaway camp — players will be banned from the fields after dark — are in place.

Intoned local health chief Dr Keba Mokgethi: “We have prepared for emergencies. Anti-venoms are among the medicines stocked. We will sit with the team and tell them they may encounter snakes.”

You’re not in Bootle anymore, Mr. Carragher; please calm down, and take some solace from the fact that at least the campus is free of larger snakes such as pythons, as well as larger animals like lions, etc thanks to the electrified fences around the premises. Leave it to the black mambas to be stealthy and sneaky enough to break those offside traps… here’s hoping that England don’t have to add fatalities via snakebite to their pre-prepared list of excuses.