We’ve been pretty relentless in bashing South Africa and FIFA in the run up to the World Cup, but the tournament is almost upon us. And in honestly we hope it’s awesome and brings some economic stimulus to the people of South Africa while giving the rest of us some insanely outstanding football.
Failing that, we’d settle for a month of Sideshow Maradona to entertain us.
But soon we’ll have to turn our attention to 2014 host Brazil. They have their own problems, many of them similar to South Africa’s (crime, infrastructure), but the Brazilians are off to an admirable start in addressing the really important aspects of hosting the world’s party.
“Brazil has slashed beer duties to avoid shortages during the World Cup, after local brewers warned they would be unable to meet surging demand despite sharply increasing production.”
Good move but, wow, they really need a four year head start on this?
We hope someone at FIFA has taken notice of this when it comes time to consider Qatar and its bid book for 2022. While it’s not impossible to get your hands on booze in the Middle Eastern country, it’s ain’t easy to get s**tfiaced pissed and act like an imbecile—both of which are central to enjoying the World Cup.
So for Qatar to replicate what Brazil is doing, you’d first have to convince them that their God was wrong about his views on alcohol. That could take a while. Then once you’ve removed the social, political, and religious barriers, you’d still need to get the capital equipment for brewing and distilling installed and up to speed. Finally, you’d need another four years to stockpile.
Given the way people are about their religious beliefs, we estimate this process needs to start in 1760.
FIFA, don’t be stupid. People won’t go if they can’t get drunk. Even Brazil knows this.