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May 27, 2010

This Is Why The Middle East Shouldn’t Host the World Cup

Mmmm… Beer

We’ve been pretty relentless in bashing South Africa and FIFA in the run up to the World Cup, but the tournament is almost upon us. And in honestly we hope it’s awesome and brings some economic stimulus to the people of South Africa while giving the rest of us some insanely outstanding football.

Failing that, we’d settle for a month of Sideshow Maradona to entertain us.

But soon we’ll have to turn our attention to 2014 host Brazil. They have their own problems, many of them similar to South Africa’s (crime, infrastructure), but the Brazilians are off to an admirable start in addressing the really important aspects of hosting the world’s party.

“Brazil has slashed beer duties to avoid shortages during the World Cup, after local brewers warned they would be unable to meet surging demand despite sharply increasing production.”

Good move but, wow, they really need a four year head start on this?

We hope someone at FIFA has taken notice of this when it comes time to consider Qatar and its bid book for 2022. While it’s not impossible to get your hands on booze in the Middle Eastern country, it’s ain’t easy to get s**tfiaced pissed and act like an imbecile—both of which are central to enjoying the World Cup.

So for Qatar to replicate what Brazil is doing, you’d first have to convince them that their God was wrong about his views on alcohol. That could take a while. Then once you’ve removed the social, political, and religious barriers, you’d still need to get the capital equipment for brewing and distilling installed and up to speed. Finally, you’d need another four years to stockpile.

Given the way people are about their religious beliefs, we estimate this process needs to start in 1760.

FIFA, don’t be stupid. People won’t go if they can’t get drunk. Even Brazil knows this.



About the Author

Precious Roy





10 Comments


  1. Army of Dad

    “FIFA, don’t be stupid.”

    PR must really enjoy talking to himself!


  2. ebullientfatalist

    Having grown up in Saudi Arabia, I’m all too familiar with with the lengths Western expats will go to have alcohol; every Western home had a small scale distillery – my parents kept theirs in our hallway closet.


  3. James T

    Great story, EF… makes me want to rent a house in Qatar for the WC and make a fortune in selling bathtub gin


  4. Precious Roy

    Think you can have it in the home in Qatar, but you have to have a license to do so, and I think there are restrictions on getting a license, meaning you likely can’t just land in the country and apply for one.


  5. ian

    This is going to turn out really, really well.


  6. Ryan

    Do they allow it in hotels in Qatar? I know some countries do.


  7. James T

    Dammit, PR. My dreams of making my first million are scuppered.


  8. ebullientfatalist

    @JT: There was a Scottish family who deputized their second bathtub for distillation purposes. The product became known as “Jeddah Wine.” My dad swears it could’ve stripped paint from a battleship.


  9. Keith

    @EF: Also, middle eastern restrictions led to the founding of one of my favorite breweries


  10. Also will scantily clad women be allowed?



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