WC2010 Liveblog: Germany v. Australia

Nobody Who Speaks German Would Ever Do Anything Bad

Apparently your regularly scheduled blogger (The Likely Lass Lad) isn’t so regular, so I will be stepping in for him.

I am hurting. I’ve barely slept and was going to try to nap before the last match today. Even at the World Cup, Spuds’ supporters are a pain in the buttocks to a Gooner.

This will be slow going, but, go it will. Line-ups coming soon. Maybe a pithy comment or two. Everyone hates Tim Cahill.

Oh f**king hell… Am I going to have to listen to Stu Scott pimp the NBA as the Mouse cross-whores its products? The NBA Finals and some tripe from M. Knight Shamalamadingdong… yippee!

Germany: 1-Manuel Neuer; 3-Arne Friedrich, 17-Per Mertesacker, 16-Philipp Lahm, 14-Holger Badstuber; 6-Sami Khedira, 7-Bastian Schweinsteiger, 8-Mesut Ozil, 13-Thomas Mueller; 10-Lukas Podolski, 11-Miroslav Klose.

Australia: 1-Mark Schwarzer; 2-Lucas Neill, 3-Craig Moore, 11-Scott Chipperfield, 8-Luke Wilkshire, 16-Carl Valeri, 5-Jason Culina, 13-Vince Grella, 7-Brett Emerton, 4-Tim Cahill, 19-Richard Garcia.

Referee: Marco Rodriguez (Mexico) He’s the one who looks like the kid from the Munsters.

Venue Moses Mabhida Stadium.

T-25 min: ABC opens with Lalas talking some variant of the Ewing Theory re: Ballack and Chris Fowler steals my Billy Buckner line from Keeley’s yesterday. I’m hungry. Makes me think of this.

T-19 min: I think I missed a memo. Are we doing bewb pics for the liveblogs? At least Sideshow Bob is showing his chest.

T-16: Is Ghana over Serbia really an upset (as Fowler just claimed)? Serbia lost to New Zealand about 10 days ago people.

T-15: I’m pretty sure I saw the German manager on Showgirls the other night on HBO. That movie is awesome for somehow making nudity boring.

T-10: I’m going to throw a prediction out here. Germans by at least 3-1. Not sure where the Aussie goals are coming from. The Germans won’t leave Cahill unmarked on set pieces.

T-8: Note to ABC, you might be better off if you don’t cross promote your primetime programming. It looks like Ching.

T-6: Apropos nothing. Thought anything we got out of yesterday was a bonus, but that point might turn out to be HUGE. If results play out on form (England winning their next two and the US beating Algeria), then all we’d need is a draw against Slovenia. So that’s probably not a must-win, just a must not-lose.

T-3: Advance Australia Fair is the whimpiest anthem ever. Should have gone with Waltzing Matilda when you had to chance to make it the official anthem. kids.

T-1: Spelling ‘Mertesacker’ and vuvuzelas… not a good combination on a hangover.

Kick: Just a note, your liveblogger has no partial interest here. I love Australia and Australians, but Tim Cahill is a prick and Socceroos and their fans still bitch about the Grosso dive from the last World Cup. The Aussies were never winning despite being a man up for almost an entire half. Quit whinging. That said, the Germans get itchy every couplathree generations and try to take over the World. So both have flaws.

1st minute: Aussies in dark green (or is that blue?). Blue. It is blue. Germans in white. Cahill with an early low cross/shot from deep near the six yard box but it rolls weekly to Neuer.

3rd minute: Khedira mistimes a run and is flagged for offside. I am out of liveblog practice and I better stop staring at my computer screen to get the hang of this back.

4th minute: Germans are zonal marking and it should have cost them. The corner comes into the box is headed to the back post where Lucas Neil is open and should have buried the header. Some frantic moments before the Germans can clear. Forget what I said about unmarked Aussies in the pre-game. This might get interesting if set pieces are going to look like that.

6th minute: Germans trying to play patiently though the midfield. A pass for Schweinsteiger is hit long and goes out for an Aussie throw in.

7th minute: Garcia offside. Almost a great ball for Podolski but a slide clears it where it comes back to the Germans. The ball is played in to Klose and he’s got a golden chance where he knocks it right to Schwartzer. He isn’t sure handed buy blocks the ball.

GOAL – Podolski

8th minute: A perfectly timed ball comes deep to Grella who plays it way back to an unmarked Podolski. He knocks it hard right at Schwartzer but the keeper can only deflect it up and in to the back of the net. Three good scoring chances early in this match.

10th minute: Another poor handling of a set piece by the Germans. They fail to get a good header on the ball and it ends up an Aussie corner. From the left the ball is played in but Neuer comes out to punch it clear.

Yellow Card – Ozil

12th minute: Ozil, the ‘it’ boy everybody wants to watch, goes to ground in a dive. The ref spots it properly and gives him a yellow for the punk-ass stunt. Good call by the ref.

14th minute: Germans working the ball across the back before playing it long to Ozil. He cuts back and gets space but the threat is stuffed by the Aussies.

15th minute: Germans are playing some long passes through space and finding guys. They almost did it again to get Klose in on goal, but the flag went up. On replay it looked like the incorrect call. Let me clarify, the Germans are actually playing patiently along the back, but instead of building through the midfield, they are finding it easy to send longer passes right up to the forwards.

17th minute: Germans waste another good effort down the left hand side as they have white shirts rushing through the box, but Podolski puts the ball right into Schwartzer’s hands.

19th minute: A high looping ball comes in deep from the right hand side for the Aussies. Culina is there to get a head on it, but it just bounces back up and over the crossbar. No real threat from the run down the side.

20th minute: Emerton toe-pookes the ball to Garcia at the edge of the box. The striker takes it well but his right-footed shot goes high and just wide. Made it to 20 and change before we got our first “Harry Kewell” mention. I would have bet the under there.

22nd minute: Ozil fouled by Moore. On the quick restart, Mueller takes it down the right and sends a ball across the box. It’s an easy goal if there is anyone to get on the end of it, but nope. Aussies get a bit lucky as they were caught out of position on the restart.

24th minute: Podolski gets a perfect feed on the left and with all kinds of space feeds it to an open Miroslav Klose streaking through the box (We’re going steaking!). Klose has Schwartzer dead to rights, but HOLY COW HOW DID KLOSE MISS THAT?. He pushed the shot wide right.

GOAL! Klose 2-0 Germany

26th minute: A long cross from Lahm (I think) comes to the top of the 6. Schwartzer comes out to play it, but it finds Klose’s head instead and he buries this one after missing moments earlier. Great cross in. And Pim Verbeek looks like he knows he’s seeing his World Cup life die a horrible death in the first half of the opening match.

29th minute: Every time I look up, someone in white is streaking through the blue shirts and threatening to get in on Schwartzer alone. They look dire along the back line. The movement is causing all kinds of problems for the Aussies and they aren’t covering well for each other when someone is getting caught out of position.

31st minute: Lucas Neill saves the Aussies from going down three. Ozil gets cute and it cost him. Again another German player gets in behind the Aussies onside. This time it’s Ozil and he just has to knock it past Schwartzer. He gets cute and tried to chip it to the back post. When the ball hangs in the air, Neill clears it.

33rd minute: Unless the Aussies can figure out how to defend, I’m thinking the Germans are going to put 6 past them. Remember this is a side that gave Robbie F**king Findley 2 open goal chances to score eight days ago. Suddenly this all makes a lot of sense.

35th minute: A long cross comes to the back left post for Chipperfield. He does a good job playing it, but there is nobody behind the play coming into the box for the Aussies and they waste a great chance.

37th minute: Germany not quite toying with the Aussies, but it’s close. Or should I say “Klose”? (Thank you. I’ll be here all week). Not sure if Germany is this good, or if Australia is this bad. The Aussies were the top team in qualifying out of Asia. Not sure if that means much though either.

39th minute: Ozil to Lahm to Khedira. Could have been the third for the Germans. Play was started by Ozil who found Lahm clean on the right hand side. As he got to the end line Lahm played it back into the box and right at Khedira. It would have been a tough header and sweet goal but wasn’t to be.

40th minute: And before I can even get the last bit out, the Germans have another naked run into the box. Lahm to Ozil who is wide open on a dead run. His touch on the ball is too heavy and he knocks it past an on-rushing Schwartzer but he can’t control it in time to corral it to the back of the net and it rolls long for a goal kick. Schwartzer might have made minimal contact with Ozil but as he’s already on a yellow, he didn’t embellish.

43rd minute: Aussies aren’t getting back into this match. They are totally outclassed.

44th minute: Culina with a weak shot/cross from the left that’s collected by Neuer. Play goes up and back and Cahill goes down easily at the edge of the box maybe trying to draw a whistle. Not happening.

45th minute: 1 minute of stoppage. Aussies have a throw in their own end. They get to the circle and earn a free kick but it’s knocked to the edge of the box and we get the whistle.

Haftime: It’s 2-0 and could very easily be 4-1. The Germans are having their way with an Australian side that is giving them all kinds of time on the ball and all kinds of space to pass and run into. As a result, the Germans are skinning the backline of the Aussies. The Germans are having it easy. And the Australians are in a bad spot here. If they fold up shop to play to minimize GD they are just going to invite more pressure (which they haven’t dealt well with yet). If they push to get back in the match, they are going to get caught out and give up some more easy goals.

And we’re off…

Yellow Card – Lucas Neill (Aus)

46th minute: Lucas Neill picked up a card. I was still having my halftime poo break so I missed it.

48th minute: Surprisingly, the first two minutes of this half have mostly been played in the German end. Might be a good sign. Still, it’s a long way back into this match for the Aussies. Aussies are crying for a handball in the box and on replay it sure looked like one from Schweinsteiger. Bit lucky for the Germans there.

49th minute: Aussies get a corner. From the left it heads right to the center of the six. Cahill makes a good effort to get a header on it, but he’s called for a foul.

51st minute: Replay shows some argy-bargy where Emerton seems to think he is playing rugby football. Holman creates some space at the top of the 18, and gets a low left-footer back to the right post. It sends Neuer diving but the shot goes wide.

53rd minute: I’m going to go ahead and guess that Holman being on the pitch means someone for Australia came off. Not sure who yet. It probably doesn’t matter much to be honest.

54th minute: Lahm sprints down the right and cuts the ball back to Ozil who lets it go through him to a wide open Mueller. Again the Germans waste another chance. Might have been the goal of the tournament so far (at least the set up of the tournament).

RED CARD – Tim Cahill (Aus)

56th minute: Cahill gets a straight red for a late tackle from behind. He went in heavy but did look like he tried to pull out a bit only to get tangled in Podolski’s legs. Harsh decision but now the Aussies are proper f**ked. Down a man. Down two goals. They come from a land Down Under.

Yellow Card – Carl Valeri (Aus)

59th minute: I didn’t even see what Valeri did. The ref did play the advatnage, but the card was given. The Aussies do mount some pressure here. But the cross from the right comes into the box and is headed away easily. The Germans come back and Klose gets in on a ball from Khedira. Klose’s shot from close is saved by Schwartzer and it rebounds right back to Klose who then fakes a shot and feeds Khedira. With Schwartzer out of position, he pulls the trigger but he’s taken out on the shot from the edge of the six. No card. No whistle and the Aussies dodge another bullet.

63rd minute: The Aussies are still trying to push forward. Have to give them a little credit for not going into a shell or our and out folding. But they wil be lucky to not lose by 4 still.

Sub Australia: Gacria off – Rukavytsya on

65th minute: Well, the Germans seem plenty happy to defend. Almost like they want to do some in game practice.

66th minute: Podolski and Klose play a 1-2 from the endline to the edge of the box. Klose is caught short-footed on the return pass so he scuffles what should have been another goal. So the almost score is now 5-1.

GOAL – Mueller: 3-0 Germany

Sub Germany: Klose off – Cacau on

70th minute: I couldn’t even get a description of the goal out and I’m typing the change only to look up and see the Germans almost score again.

GOAL – Cacau: 4-0 Germany

71st minute: Then they actually score. Ozil is streaking down the left on a perfectly timed run on a perfectly weighted ball. He just scoots it across the box to an open Cacau running free and he knocks it right past Schwartzer. I think Mario Gomez might have just been subbed on.

73rd minute: I think I offended the Germans with that in-game-practice-defending comment. They’ve been pulverizing the Aussies since then. I’m not even going to go back to Mueller’s goal. Here’s the sub coming now.

Sub Germany: Ozil out – Gomez in

Sub Australia: Emerton out – Didn’t see who came in (sorry)

76th minute: Just got this text from an Aussie friend “Not the same team we were 4 years ago… Grrr.” Good to know that the Australians haven’t failed to grasp the obvious. The team 4 years ago had a better manager, and were in an easier group also.

78th minute: Have to be honest, my interest here in waning. I’m actually hoping the Aussies can hold up without conceding any more goals for the sake of not being embarrassed. And on that, the Aussies get a good cross in but the ball is headed clear and the threat is over for the Germans…

79th minutes: Who immediately counter… counter was snubbed (although I missed the particulars.

81st minute: Now the Germans with a free kick about 10 yards inside the center circle. After kicking it around a bit, Gomez is played but gets flagged.

Sub Germany: Podolski off – Marin on

83rd minute: Is there a mercy rule in World Cup?

84th minute: Chipperfield for Oz meets a cross from the top left of the box and actually forces a save from Neuer. On the other end, Marin feeds Gomez as now all the subs want to get in on the scoring. Gomez gets his foot to it at the near post, but the redirected volley goes way wide and high.

86th minute: Aussies are still trying to score. Germans are barely trying to stop them and still succeeding.

87th minute: So when the Kiwis take the field in a couple of days we’ll be able to asses which team is the worst in this World Cup. So far, of the teams to have played, the Aussies are probably the leaders in the clubhouse.

89th minute: The drive for five has lost some urgency, but Cacau is still venturing forward on a ball from Lahm, but Schwartzer is there to pick it up. Sarah, I think that quote was about the two possibly gay German fans they were showing (one was taking pictures).

90th +1 minute: For the love of mecy. Just end it already (two more minutes coming… and the Aussies get a corner.

90th +2: Ball falls on Chipperfield’s left foot but the shot is stuffed by Mertesacker.

Yellow Card – Cacau (Germany)

90th +3: Clear dive from Cacau. That’s two Germans booked for diving. Moore takes out Cacau to prevent another potential scoring chance and there’s the whistle.

Thanks for playing. Mercifully, this has ended. Germany look really, really good. Australia are going to DFL in this group. Mark it seven, dude.