WC 2010 Liveblog: France v. Mexico

Huis Clos, Monsieur Ribery

Okay, through some scheduling slight of hand on our end, we think we are going to keep our 1.000 batting average on World Cup liveblogs and mixed metaphors (if we start a bit late, we’re excusing ourselves in advance, play about in the comments as per usual though until we’re up and functional).

Anyways, it’s back to business, and thanks to Uruguay’s slaying of the Bafana Bafana yesterday, the door’s wide open for either of these sides to take hold of that 2nd qualifying spot out of the group. Neither will want to draw, least of all the French, as I’m sure SA will play spoiler in the third game.

And so it’s a clash of equally idiosyncratic managers, and I’ll give the Mexicans a slight advantage in that they were far more impressive in the tournament opener. But France is loaded with talent, and we’re hoping that because Malouda is a Gemini (it’s true, we looked it up) if Ray Ray doesn’t start him, he will start his evil twin.

Previews, for your refreshment, here: Mexico. France. Love them with all your heart. My heart, it’s black for El Tri.

STARTING LINEUPS

Yoann Gourcuff rides the pine as Florent Malouda is restored, while the Mexico team remains the same (despite threats of several switches in the pre-game guff, including a new goalie).

France (4-2-3-1): 1-Hugo Lloris — 2-Bacary Sagna, 3-Eric Abidal, 5-William Gallas, 13-Patrice Evra — 14-Jeremy Toulalan, 19-Abou Diaby — 10-Sidney Govou, 7-Franck Ribery, 15-Florent Malouda — 21-Nicolas Anelka.

Mexico: 1-Oscar Perez; 16-Efrain Juarez, 4-Rafael Marquez, 2-Francisco Rodriguez, 3-Carlos Salcido, 6-Gerardo Torrado, 15-Hector Moreno, 5-Ricardo Osorio, 17-Giovani Dos Santos, 9-Guillermo Franco, 11-Carlos Vela.

Of Note:
A handful of players will be suspended a game if they get booked today.

FRA – Ribery, Evra, Toulalan
MEX – Torrado, Juarez

T-5 Minutes: You’re looking LIVE… Not sure at what. I’ve got a couple of TVs tuned to the US Open. The flat screen is behind me but the I’ve been assured the TV I can see will be tuned to the proper channel momentarily.

T-3 Minutes: The Mexican anthem… Anyone know what they can’t do that horizontal half-arm salute? Oh and if nobody has said it yet “F**k Rafa Marquez!”

KICK OFF – And we’re off.

1 minute: France waste no time in giving the ball away. Well done.

2nd minute: I’m not in an ideal liveblogging situation. Poor audio and a slow connection. But I shall do my best here. Mexico on the attack. Johnny Two Saints hits the post, but from the way he was yelling at someone I’m guessing the flag went up.

4th minute: France with a throw in the Mexican third. Marquz commits a foul and…

YELLOW CARD – FRANCO (Ha ha…)

Not sure what he did to earn that. He stepped around the French player looking to play it quickly. Wasnt’t muchin that on the replay. Still it’s Mexico and they can’t get carded enough.

7th minute: Got a text from my boss. Not good. But I look up to see Evra looping a long throw into the Mexican box which is beaded back out for another throw.

8th minute: Mexico plays it long and the ball falls awkwardly between the two French center backs. A moment of hesistation there as they play it back toward the center circle. Mexico plays a long ball back and it looks like three Mexicans are onside and behind the French defense (insert joke here).  But Dos Santos put the ball into a low orbit.

10th minute: Ribery sprints up the right and nutmegs a Mexican to get the ball to Malouda. It’s played out for a corner, France. Les Bleus don’t look terrible here. Except maybe that shot from Le Sulk which was nowhere near on target.

12th minute: Franco from just outside the 18 does a turn on the ball and sends a shot about two feet over the post. Mexican fans react like it was closer that it was.

13th minute: Free kick to be taken by Malouda… On a fake he rolls it to Anelka who sends it to a sprinting Ribery on a clearly designed play. The ball rolls a bit long for Ribery and by the time he controls it, he’s shooting from a Maicon-like angle.

15th minute: I despise Mexico. Handball Govou. Could have been a yellow as that was pretty intentional.

16th minute: Maybe Dos Santos doesn’t understand the offside rule (he was just whistled again). Could explain his failure from Spain to Turkey.

18th minute: With all of the Arsenal players, shouldn’t I also like the French more? I’m sort of ambivalent. Can’t believe Nasri isn’t on this squad, but it’s not like Domenech needs to prove how stupid he is.

19th minute: Low shot from the top left of the box to the back post rolls wide. Not a bad effort from Salcido. Juarez just fell over himseld and they called Evra for the foul. Mexico with a free kick from a sort of threatening place about 25+ out.

20th minute: Johnny Two Saints runs the fake and Mexico kicks it right into the wall.

22nd minute: Mexico with the better of the possession right now. Although they aren’t particularly fluid or anything, they’ll still almost managed to catch the French back line napping on the trap 2-3 times, which is kind of ridiculous given who is back there.

24th minute: France not really into full swing with the 4-3-3 yet. They allow way too much space in the middle, yet somehow also don’t get wide enough in the attack. That’s almost an accomplishment.

25th minute: Toulalan with a cross from the right. Malouda gets up to meet it but he’s undercut. No whistle and the ball rolls out for a throw. Also, Toulalan blows.

27th minute: Salcidon cuts in on the left and has a dead run at LOLris. He also shoots it rright into the keeper’s core. Willie Galgas really didn’t do much to help on the cover there. France, ha. They’re not good.

29th minute: They just did a shot of the benches. The players are bundled up and covered in blankets. I’m guessing it’s cold. It is winter after all. France can’t get out of midfield and Mexico almost connect on another long bomb.

30th minute: Govou and Anelka play a 1-2 at the top of the Mexican box but the return from Le Sulk is too heavy and it’s cleaned up by El Tri. Passport Vela might be hurt.

32nd minute: SUB Vela off > Barrera on (Mex)

33rd minute: And Barrera almost makes an immediate impact. The curling cross comes in from the top left of the box (didn’t see who hit it). But the Mexican gets there at the same time as LOLris and the keeper is just able to punch it out as the two collide. We’re already in the 33rd minute?

35th minute: Mexico seems more the aggressor. I gues they figure they’ve already blown the easiest match of the group. Vela is on the bench with his hammy all wrapped up in Saran. This match is moving pretty quickly for one without much excitement.

38th minute: Malouda gets a free kick as Rafa Marquez goes through him. This is from about 30 out. Ribery sends it into the wall. Rebound is played into the box where Malouda knocks it out… Maybe. That might have been last touched by Mexico.

39th minute: With Evra drapped on him, Dos Santos makes a turn from the top of the box to send a low shot to the right side post. LOLris doesn’t have it covered, but it rolls wide.

40th minute: France does know that the object is to score, right?

42nd minute: Must say… this is the least divey half of football I think I’ve ever seen the Mexicans play. Bouncing ball in the box falls for Govou. He kicks it into the back of Torrado.

43rd minute: Sagna is not playing well on the right. And that seems to be where Mexico’s preferred attack is aimed.

45th minute: Weak effort from Anelka that is noticeable only in that it actually makes Perez have to catch it. Which he does. Easily.

45+1 minute: Ribery runs right into Moreno and two other Mexican defenders and somehow earns a free kick, which he more miraculously turns into a fast break counter from the Mexicans. Toulalan is forced to commit a rather (un)professional foul to stop it. He gets a…

YELLOW CARD – JEREMY TOULALAN

And that’s the end of the half.

HALFTIME – By the way… Yes I am aware that as a Brazilian Dos Santos’ surname actually translates as ‘from the saints’ but I like the Spanish transliteration of Johnny Two Saints better. He played for Spurs. He plays for Mexico. Anything I can do to poke fun, I will.

Also… can anyone explain how France can be both so bad and so boring with this collection of talent?

46th minute: Le Sulk off > Gignac on (FRA)

KICK… And we’re off for the 2nd half.

47th minute: Ribery with a free kick from just right of about 22 out. He sends a low looper in to the edge of the 6 and it’s headed out. His free kicks have been really lackluster so far.

48th minute: YELLOW CARD – Juarez (Mex): He gets up off the floor and pushes Malouda in the back. The ref is having none of it and after separating the players he pulls Juarez aside to show him the plastic. He’ll miss the match against Uruguay.

49th minute: How is it that every other time I look up France is taking a free kick? And every other other time it comes back the other way with Mexico on a counter. This counter ends in a bad foul by France (didn’t see who) and F**kpants Marquez lines up to take it from about 25 out on the right.

50th minute: The kick is played to Dos Santos on the right who is left open. He sends it toward goal but it’s headed to the top of the box were another guy in a green shirt sprays it over the bar. Whoever called this “the beautiful game” didn’t envision this.

52nd minute: Ribery plays a through ball to Perez. That pretty much sums up this match.

54th minute: Holy s**t… That was almost entertaining soccer. Some nice passing on the left leaves it to Malouda with space. He unloads and Perez does well to push it over the crossbar. That was on target if not for the Mexican keeper’s reflexes.

55th minute SUB Juarez off MexiManc on

56th minute: Dirty, dirty Diaby. But ha ha… Yeah foul the Manc. Good for him. Hope to see that a lot next season.

57th minute: Marquez keeps pushing Abidal. And it’s blatant. How he’s not getting carded is beyond me. F**k that guy. Mexico sends a free kick from 40 about 70. Maybe they don’t have depth perception in Mexico.

59th minute: So that comment about every other time I look up I see France with a free kick. That’s now every other time I look up I see Mexico with a free kick. But another one from 50 goes 70, so I’m starting to think there is something to my depth perception theory.

60th minute: I should have bet every penny I have on France to never score again in the history of everything. Corner to France. It’s moonshot into the box. Willie Galgas send it right back to the ionosphere as he knocks heads with Salcido (I think).

62nd SUB Franco off > Blanco on (Mex)

Oh F**k… Blacno. I hate that f**ker more than 10 F**kpants Marquezes. Speaking of…

63rd minute: Rafa Marquez sends a screamer right into the tummy of LOLris.

64th minute: GOOOOOOOOOL! Mexico 1 – France 0… It’s the MexiManc.

The MexiManc is completely offside. The ref blows the call, but worse the French defenders blow the play. Even though there is no whistle Hernandez is played in and LOLris comes out to meet him. In the 1-on-1 Hernandez dinks him and there is nothing between him and the open net. No help from the defense. No whistle. No s**t. Mexico leads 1-0.

66th minute: Free kick, France… In the partisan Mexican bar I’m in people were saying “Barely onside”. Ha. Not even. He was off. France wastes the kick. “France wastes” can pretty much take any direct object at this point. Why they didn’t fire Domenech BEFORE the World Cup is beyond human explanation.

69th minute: A long ball up the left hits Ribery in the back. The number of things France does that typify their collective ineptness is astounding in its own right.

70th minute SUB: Govou off > Valbuena on (FRA)

71st minute: Dos Santos from deep on the left sends a screaming cross infront of goal but there is nobody running on to it. Mexico are the better side right now. France has nothing. And as they push that nothing forward more, they are more and more exposed on the back.

73rd minute: Dos Santos is flagged for offside. That was an easy one. Malouda with a swinging cross to the back post but nobody is there. Sort of like the look on Domenech’s face that they’re showing on TV right now. Nobody home. If I were French I’d be embarrassed. Then I’d also be ashamed off how this team plays.

74th minute: Shot from Gignac sails over the bar. Free kick from Mexico and this time they get Hernandez for being offside. We’re pushing the last 15 minutes. France looks as threatening as France. Even 64 year old Blanco gets time and space to run.

77th minute: Corner for Mexico. Taken short and it ends up going right to LOLris of the play back to the box.

PENALTY KICK to MEXICO – FOUL ABIDAL (who picks up a yellow card)

It’s a legit call on the takedown by Abidal. Blanco takes the penalty and… LOLRis guesses right but he can’t stop the shot.

GOAL 2-0 Mexico

80th minute: Can’t believe I’m saying this but that was well taken by Granpa Blanco. LOLris even guessed right and dove early, but the ball had so much pace that Lloris had no chance.

81st minute: Silver lining. Marquez is on the ground writhing. I don’t pull for players to get injured, but I certainly won’t cry if that guy gets hurt. And there’s the answer to the question of whether Abidal got a card.

83rd minute: Someone should tell Ribery that the Mexicans on the wall (must… resist… joke…) will jump when he takes his free kicks, so he should adjust his trajectory accordingly. That might come in handy in the last 10 minutes.

84th minute: Thing is… Mexico aren’t through and France isn’t dead. As dreadful as they’ve been, France get South Africa next. You can probably get a couple of goals there. Figure if Uruguay beats Mexico that takes at least a point off their GD, it’s still a realistic possibility that France go through.

86th minute: Even a goal would help the French cause, but they are pretty dreadful. Mexico plays it long and Sagna follows it as it rolls out for a goal kick.

88th minute: Although it might be the case that South Africa puts 4-5 by France and they go through to the next round. Just sayin’…

89th minute: Diaby fouls the MexiManc. Keep at it, my man. Dos Santos on the quick restart almost gets past everyone for a third. If the players are indeed struggling with the ball, France is the worst of them. Gignac just sprayed another one from outside the 6. Collectively, he and Ribery have been literally a mile wide today.

90th +1 minute: France blows. Bet the local Orlando Pirates team could take them out.

90th +3 minutes: Throw for France deep in the Mexican third. Ball comes looping in and Gignac goes for a bicycle but whacks someone in the face. Maybe. Maybe the ref just assumed he would and whistled him.

FULL TIME

France are bad.