Blight the future! First there was the Sports Illustrated cover, then the Madden flagship. Now let us introduce you to the contrived “curse” of Summer 2010!
Nike’s quadrennial World Cup commercial is something like an unofficial kickoff to the summer World Cup season. This year’s clever gathering of world footballers, shiny boots, shirts, and Hocus Pocus(?) was greeted with its fair share of critical acclaim. We still say Puma did it better, but Nike is the one with the tradition, so it’s only natural they’d invite the bigger stars (don’t remember the Adidas commercial? Neither do I) and thus, closer scrutiny after the fact.
Well, scrutinize we have and it is not a pretty picture. Of the 13 real soccer players featured in the commercial, just three– the Spaniards, even if Cesc got more play in the video than he has in South Africa– remain in contention to lift the World Cup in Johannesburg on July 11.
(Note: The curse appears to be soccer-specific, given the good fortunes of Kobe Bryant, NBA Finals MVP, and Roger Federer, who’s done well so far at Wimbledon.)
*Update* Spoke too soon. Roger Federer lost today at Wimbledon to 12th seed Tomas Berdych. At least Rog made it to the quarterfinals, which is more than we can say for all below but Spain. Still, it’s the first time Federer has not advanced to the Wimbledon final since 2002.
We’ll take it in chronological order:
DROGBA
3 Games, 1 Goal, 1 Broken Arm
Drogba barely made it onto the field, needing surgery on his forearm after having it broken by Japan’s Marcus Tulio Tanaka in a pre-tournament friendly. The cast he was made to wear after the procedure also appeared to hinder the Ivorian’s standard theatrics. Didier did end up with a goal, but he only started two games and the Ivory Coast crashed out of the “Group of Death” for the second straight tournament.
CANNAVARO
3 Games, 4 Fouls
El Capitano led an Italian defense that conceded five goals in three games, including one against Slovakia that came off a non-Delapian throw-in. Seriously. Cannavaro looked about as active as the camels he’ll be sharing the land with at his next club stop, in Dubai with Al-Ahli. The holders held on for just three games and were eliminated in the group stage.
WALCOTT & EVRA
Combined: 2 Games, 1 Failed Mutiny
I was thinking that Young Theo might not even belong in this list. Yes, he was unceremoniously dropped by Don Capello weeks before the tournament, but with time it seems he was as fortunate to miss out on South Africa as he was oddly lucky to find a plane ticket to Germany in 2006.
Evra, on the other hand, was given the keys to the French brigade– ahead of his compatriot in the back, one William Gallas. And heavy sat the crown, to say the least. The Manchester United man will now be remembered as the most disgraceful and embarrassing French World Cup captain of all time. Most everyone fails, but few lead a group failure that grinds still the machinery of the French Republic.
TIMMAY & LANDO
Win some, lose some
Donovan scored three goals, cemented his place as the best American outfield player of all time, and appeared to have won back his beloved… and then this happened.
Howard was cursed by his defenders, as much as Nike. His World Cup clean sheet was gone not five minutes into the tournament and his ribs were cracked a few minutes later. Timmay soldiered on, but was not his usual, aggressive self. I truly believe that a healthy Howard would have stopped one of the two Ghana goals in the elimination match.
ROONEY
4 Games, Zero Goals, 1 Fantastic Body Wax
Off to the trailer park, then? Not much to say of Ol’ Wazza. He was, depending on whom you ask: tired, injured, under-supplied, mismatched, or emotionally overwhelmed. I’d say it was a bit of each.
RIBERY
3 Games, Zero Goals
If you played in the 2010 French World Cup team, you had a bad 2010 World Cup. Ribery was invisible at best. Nike!
LINESMEN & REFEREES
Lampard, Edu, Tevez, Dempsey, Kaka to name a few
The linesmen and refs in South Africa have made a mockery of the sport’s showpiece event. Goals that weren’t (Tevez), goals that were (Lampard, Edu, Dempsey), goals that we’ll never know about because of Seppsis and his thieving cabal (Skertl’s goal line “clearance”), and a phantom Red Card (Kaka), just to name a few…
THE SPANIARDS
The outlier, right? But wait…
These three are still alive, and Iniesta and Pique have been regulars for the European Champions. But what about Gunner-for-now Cesc? In two appearances, both as a sub, Fabregas has clocked just less than an hour of playing time. He’s managed one shot on goal.
RONALDINHO
As many goals as Rooney
Was never really part of the equation for Dunga’s Brazil. The curse will come full circle when Lúcio lifts the trophy in Soccer City, as Ronnie watches from his throne of cash, cachaça, and barbecue. Actually, that doesn’t sound terribly bad. What curse?!?
CRISTIANO RONALDO
4 Games, One Goal
The statue will have to wait.
Needs . . . World . . . Cup . . .
/scratches furiously at forearms
So now that they’ve added a new one for Robinho, are Brazil doomed? Should I go lay a big bet on the Dutch for Friday?
@ef i got these, these SPIDERS! crawling on my back! Gahhhh!
Ronal-d’oh! indeed . . .
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/I’ll show myself out
Thank God Messi plays for Adidas. I mean, Argentina.
Does Nike own Umbro or something? How come Cannavaro has to wear a lame knockoff Italy jersey but Rooney gets to wear the real England one? This has probably been discussed here before but I missed it.
@ben yes, nike owns umbro like _____ owns england.
Speaking of soccer clothing brands, anyone else notice that, regardless of the outcome of the quarterfinal matches, in the semifinals there will be 2 Adidas teams, 1 Puma team, and 1 Nike team. The final will feature an Adidas team against a Nike team or a Puma* team (not likely).
Has anyone checked on the guys in that cool Puma commercial? I hope those kids are okay…
Speaking of Donovan, apparently Bianca knew all about the bastard child and it’s not a dealbreaker. My wife totally has gotten into the USMNT thanks to Donovan’s appearance in People and US Weekly. Yay, US Soccer!
With all of this baby drama, seperations, teammate wife banging, and Carlos Bocanegra/Feilhaber (Totally not gay) US Soccer needs to capture the housewife demographic.
Oh, and Federer just got turfed out of Wimbledon. CURSE ON!
Poor Rog. His glory days are done, methinks, but he was fookin’ spectacular to watch when he was on.
@Tno – women in America won’t get into soccer for the men in the sport. They’d get into it for the women. And assuming that most of the players’ WAGs look like most American women, then mainstream American women couldn’t be less interested (there are plenty of women who have Cankles like Bianca – there’s no reason to idolize her). These men have never commanded the attention of a Posh-esque caliber woman, but a few more big TV appearances could change all that…and THEN American women will clamor to the sport for gossip, bad fashion, and of course, the hopes of a shirt swap after the game (which is sadly rare in MLS).
Separately – great post. I had been discussing this for days. It’s great to see it broken down. Thanks Lad.
@MW/4:09: See kickette.com. :P
Just wanted to say, thiago silva is the brazilian player that passes the ball to ronaldinho, and he’s on the bench of the squad, even though he hasn’t played yet.
@Mountain Wag My pleasure! Twas a labor of love.
@Danilo Interesting, I was trying to figure that out, checking squad numbers and pictures, etc, but ummm i gave up when I couldn’t be sure. Good call.