MLS All Star Game Liveblog

Man U hoping for none of this tonight

Welcome to tonight’s liveblog of the MLS All Star Game. This year’s extravaganza, held in Reliant Stadium in Houston instead of the typical MLS park, features the best of the MLS against mighty Manchester United. United, though, are coming off a putrid loss to Kansas City over the weekend which featured a fair number of second tier and reserve players. Given how the MLS guys have usually performed in past editions of this game, you would have to put them as slight favorites to edge an uninterested United side.

Other points of interest while we watch pregame blather:

Sir Alex has been running his mouth over Bob Bradley’s greatness.

New Manchester United signing Chicharito is going to play his first game for his new club in front of what will likely be a fairly pro El Tri crowd.

Landon Donovan played last night in LA’s disappointing loss to Puerto Rico of the USL in the CONCACAF Champions League. How much will he feature in tonight’s game?

A note from some Adidas PR hack: “For the 2010 MLS All-Star game on July 28 at Houston’s Reliant Stadium, Javier Morales of Real Salt Lake, Juan Pablo Angel of the New York Red Bulls and Omar Gonzalez of the LA Galaxy have customized their adidas boots…….” ZZZZZzzzz

Ok, I have my #11 Thierry Red Bulls jersey on and the Radeberger is flowing. Lets get it on.

Wahl tweets the MLS starters: Ricketts; Alston, Olave, Marshall, Pearce; Joseph; Le Toux, Morales, Schelotto, Pappa; Ángel. A 4-1-4-1 in an all star game?

F**k. Foudy, Stone, and Lalas. I’m off to hang myself.

Man U: Van der Sar; Rafael, Brown, Evans, Fabio; O’Shea; Nani, Fletcher, Giggs; Obertan, Macheda. Yeah, this isn’t exactly star studded. Nice job of guaranteeing the stars would show, Garber.

And hey look, RBNY still in 2nd in the East!

Ugh. Ian Darke and Martin Tyler are not going to save us tonight.

I take back everything I said about ESPN getting serious about soccer during the World Cup. 4.5 seconds from going to univison.

Landon looks worked. I think he’s coming on in the 80th tonight, if that. And he gives a bulls**t answer to the transfer question. Media Training pays off.

Deep breaths everyone, we appear to have survived the pregame show.

Holy Christ Harkes, Heath Pierce is not going to Brazil in four years (except on vacation).

My cable box just crashed and is rebooting. Just imagine the action.

F**K. 1-0 Man U on a goal by ???

5th minute: Ok we are back. United are in the traditional red strip going to the right, while MLS are wearing the weird Dynamo thingy and attacking to the right.

6th minute: Another near f**kup leading to the goal by Ricketts on a backpass.

8th minute: JPA already in his usual Red Bulls chicken jog.

9th minute: United counter and Nani nearly plays a perfect throughball but Joeseph gets there. The ball is cleared and United attack again from the right through Obertan, but the ball is cleared downfield.

11th minute: Nani corrals a brilliant crossfield pass, but his ball into the boz is cleared out for a corner. The corner is to the back post, but is headed wide by Wes Brown, and apparently for another corner. This one is perfect from Nani, and Macheda is all alone in the box to head it home. 2-0 United.  James, your boy Le Toux was at fault there.

14th minute: MLS are all at sea here, as Pierce gets skinned down the right. Then Giggs comes in with a lusty callange on Schelloto. He gets a talking to. Angel puts the ensuing free kick right over the wall but Van Der Saar tips it over. I saw him score from there against Houston in the 90th earlier this year. The corner comes in but Van Der Saar gets it. Then Alston comes in with a bad tackle. No cards yet.

17th minute: Nani comes in on the right again, and Alstom clears it for a corner. The MLS defense actually clears it this time, and attempts to counter.

20th minute: A free kick from about 50 yards out is hoofed into the box, but VDS gets it. Nani then does his best C Ronaldo impression down the left flank, and gets called for a foul. The apparently Man U partisan crowd boos.

22 minute: Substitution. Obertan is coming out for Cleverly thanks to an earlier oafish tackle. Maybe the one from Olave earlier.

24 minute: Le Toux with a nice ball wide to Pierce, who attempts a ball on the ground to JPA in the box. The ensuing corner leads to a shot deep from Marshall after a pass from Schelloto. The next corner is punched wide by VDS. Nani counters but the move leads to not.

27th minute: A scrum at the edge of the box and the ball squeaks wide to Schelloto, but his shot is right at Van Der Saar at the near post.

29th minute: JPA just misses a nice throughball. The MLS is bossing the midfield a bit more now, while United look to work the counter at every opportunity.

32nd minute: Nani tweaks his knee after getting caught late in possession. He comes off and the Drunk Scot yells at him.

33rd minute: Schelloto has tried a couple of speculative shots lately. This one leads to a corner, which the ex Boca man takes himself. The ball comes to Papa, who can’t do much with it.

36th minute: JP and Harkes get bored and start speculating on MLS transfers. Sounds like Marquez is a done deal. MEanwhile, Le Toux chases a ball down the left, but isn’t quite fast enough. Goal Kick.

37th minute: Ohhhhhh. A nice ball from Giggs to Macheda and he nearly gets a third. But  the ref calls offside. Dubious call. And Marshall was no where to be found on that one.

39th minute: This has been fairly dire stuff, really, although MLS has done a little better in the last twenty minutes or so. Harkes says that the young players want to “Show Sir Alex what they are all about.” So far, not much, although Macheda looks useful enough. Giggs sprays a ball to the left to Nani, and Alston just manages to clear it out.

41st minute: Comical defending from the MLS. Fletcher does a schoolboy give and go and is alone on Ricketts but he puts the shot off the bar.

43rd minute: The MLS is not as good on corners as Man U. Marshall attempts to make amends by getting to a header, but it goes wide.

45th minute: I hope Ching comes on a scores a brace. Ned’s head might explode. The ref blows the whistle, and thankfully we are done with the first half.

46th minute: Ching is in as we kick off the second half. There might have been some other changes but I can’t figure them all out. Rimando is in goal and Gonzalez is in the backline. Did he play all 90 last night?

48th minute: A free kick from Morales from 25 yards out leads to chaos in the United box, but the chance comes to naught. Another free kick from nearly the same spot leads to a free header from Marshall who wastes his second free header of the evening.

51st minute: More mls pressure here, interspersed with Nani. Lots of Nani. He’s like a 90% replica of Ronaldo run through the copy machine a few times.

53rd minute: Substitution. Giggs off Gibson on. SAF at least has the class to let Giggs have an ovation on his departure. Keeper to Keeper here, as the game slows down a bit.

57th minute: Standing around. Fabio comes off with a cramp. Shame as he has been decent tonight.

60th minute: Thanks James. Just opened beer #4, which helps. Chicharito is UP!

61st minute: Rafael makes me look stupid! A nice run down the right, he cuts inside and is all alone on the keeper, but hits it right at Rimando.

63rd minute: Substution. Chicharito on for Nani (a straight swap of d bags). Wellbeck for Macheda. Lets see how this strike duo does. MLS subs (but who cares?)

64th minute: GOAL! Ching! Somewhere Ned’s head just exploded. A straightforward header off a free kick from the left. The rapist f**ked that one up. Or maybe Rafael (duh!). 2-1 ManUre.

67th minute: Chicharito with his first chance. Cleverly with a cross from the right, and Chicharito comes in with his left foot, but Rimando saves with his right foot against the near post.

69th: Someone just got a card. The ensuing free kick from the top of the 18 is drilled into the top right corner by Gibson. Goal! 3-1 Man U

72nd minute: Subs. Scholes for Rafael.

73rd minute: Wondergol! Like the Ronaldo goal from South Africa. Cleverly breaks through the 18 unmarked, flicks the ball over the head of the defender, and then buries it low to the left. 4-1 Man U! Donovan is on for Pierce.

75th minute: Harkes and JP relieve World Cup glory. Landon gets about 1/5th of ovation of the little green pea on his appearance in the game.

77th minute: Stuff is happening, man. Donovan has a pop that bounces off the defender. The throw in comes to naught deep down the right for the MLS.

81st minute: Ferriera goes down in the box on what might have been a pk. Instead the free kick is given just outside the box on the left side. Davis buries it right into the wall. Poor.

83rd minute: Donovan putting on a “crocked becks on the field for ESPN ratings purposes” so far. Meanwhile, Chicharito with a cheeky chip over Rimando. 5-1 United. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

87th minute: MLS are a little unlucky that Sir Alex likely gave his side a bit of the hairdryer treatment after the loss to KC at the weekend. The gulf in class has been quite evident, and the floodgates have opened in the past twenty minutes.

89th minute: Wellbeck rolls one to the right to an onrushing Cleverly, but the ball is saved. On the other end, a cross comes into Davis, and Van Der Saar just barely keeps it from bobbling over the line.

90th minute: De Rosario! Goal! The ex Dynamo man pants Wes Brown and buries it into the left corner. 5-2.

92nd minute: Brad Davis nearly makes it 5-3 with a laser off the right post. De-fense?

Full time: Its over in Houston. Lalas once again looks like a moron for declaring that the MLS should win today. A great example of why American newspaper writers who complain that soccer isn’t high scoring enough are utter morons. 7 goals and the game was barely watchable. Thanks for hanging out everyone.