Oh damn, you caught me! How?
Another Monday and another soccer sex scandal. It’s the way I love to start my week. Analyzing the women who sell sex, their value for dollar, and of course, the men who pay for them.
Here’s your UF scandal update from the M.I.A. Wag herself. Separately, apologies for the extended absence. Emergency appendectomies will do that.
This week’s tale of shame and blame leads us to the previously-untarnished image of the gangly Peter Crouch. Although he visits inner-city kids with the National Lottery’s Good Causes program, the newly-dubbed Slim Shady is much cheekier than his England-boy-next-door (albeit-a-Spud) image suggested previously.
While on a boys weekend in Spain, he and friends met a 19-year-old prostitute (who is “close to her middle-class Christian family back in Algeria, who are unaware she is working as a hooker”) at a bar. Crouch asked the girl if she wanted to get together, and once they were in the taxi, he couldn’t even wait to get to his hotel before making her work for the 1,000 euro fee she charged. Unfortunately, the money hasn’t paid to wax off her happy trail…yet. (NSFW possibly?)
The taxi driver had to try and ignore the show in the backseat, then stopped at the closest hotel and was directed to wait for Crouch. Sadly, we assume Peter knew it wouldn’t take long. Sigh.
How hard would it have been to hail a new cab? So there wasn’t such a line of continuous evidence? One would say this tryst screams ‘amateur’, but the hooker says he wasn’t concerned that people could see what was going on in the back of the taxi or anything else…so was he unconcerned? Or a seasoned pro? At the hotel, staff took his bank card to pay for the room AND the hookers passport details to put the room in her name.
Where this is all so funny is that (a) being famous, yeah, he was going to get caught eventually anyway so the media can sell papers and photos but (b) is anyone really that dumb as to leave SO MANY tracks? ATM? Hotel on a card? Hookers passport number? Taxi driver watching the action? Please… but on top of it all, Crouch tried to get his name wiped from the hotel records after-the-fact only to call even more attention to himself.
It is what it is. It’s not C-Ron with 2 girls and 3 other guys [Ed. Note: and farm animals], and it’s not married Ribery with an underage prostitute with fake tits the size of Texas. Crouch isn’t married and prostitution in Spain is not illegal. So, no harm no foul? But, lest we forget… his model girlfriend he is engaged to marry back in England looks like this and even seems to enjoy his strange mannerisms. Girls like that don’t come along every day.
Smart weekend decision by Crouch? I think not.
So fellas, if you can’t keep it in your pants on while on holiday, at least cover your tracks a little better. Please? If you need pointers, let me know. A woman won’t hold the action against you (ok, well, most will) – but there’s always a chance for forgiveness IF you lessen her public humiliation as much as possible. Crouch, unfortunately, did no such thing and Clancy has turned to support from the been-there, dealt-with-that wife of EBALJT.
The “well-educated” prostitute Monica Mint said, “I don’t think what happened between myself and Peter really matters, it is not real life…In my experience I think it is normal for footballers to sleep with other women, including prostitutes. I don’t necessarily think it’s because they don’t love their partners.”
Although I’d like to know what ‘fake’ life she refers to, I agree wholeheartedly with the last sentence. People cheat for a lot of reasons and it’s not necessarily because they don’t love their partners. But for whatever the reason, if you love someone, is it worth risking the consequences of cheating?
As to Crouch, he’ll be free to wander greener pastures soon…Play on playa.
Read this and 1st thought was an answer Crouch gave last year. When asked, “If you weren’t a footballer, what would you be?” Crouchy’s answer: “A virgin.”
Moron. Although, there is that old adage, show me a hot woman and I’ll show you a man who is tired of f**king her.
So what is it with Algerian prostitutes and footballers these days?
@OM- No doubt.
@TFA- There are a lot of loopholes in that old adage. Have them dye their hair every few months and it’s like a different girl all the time.
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Unfortunately, unlike Mrs. Terry, Clancy has her own career and money, so she doesn’t need him for the funds and lifestyle. That does give her the option to walk away with some self-respect. I’d like to think any woman with an ounce of self-respect wouldn’t knowingly go into a marriage with someone who doesn’t respect you as much as you do yourself.
It seems better is as big a t**t off the field as on it. Sell him, ‘Arry. But his missus can stay.
*Peter, not “better.” Bleh.
She’s obviously an insufferable shrew.
/chauvinist
/kidding
@JT: You’re kidding about being a chauvinist?
@JT- don’t kid. It could very well be true and I wouldn’t be surprised. It comes with the model territory. But if so, Peter’s got the option to stay and play or wander away. But don’t propose! That screws everything up. You should know that.
(now whose kidding?).
I like MW’s take because if I would have written about this, it would have been you are such an idiot, just look at her. MW says he’s an idiot for how he got caught.
@TFA
Yes.
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@MW
Crouch is a moron. No amount of rationalizing on Abby’s character bails him out from this mess.
@TFA: Yeah, it’s almost like MW took the dude point of view.
@TFA-men appreciate pretty women (unfortunately only when they’re not theirs). Women accept that men aren’t perfect…we just don’t like to be reminded what a lemon we’ve got!
@JT-yes, he’s a moron…on any number of levels. He keeps following ‘arry around in life…it’s got to show his moral compass is skewed.
@MW
I did think that this kind of action was born in him since moving to the moral wastelands of North London. His fellow Spuds bachelors convinced him to bed a prozzie. For shame, Spurs!
@TSE – didn’t you know that’s why they have me here? To provide a strong male viewpoint that’s so lacking on this site? jeesh.
Separately, can someone tell me what’s a girl gotta do to get an Avatar around here? Damn. But I’ll warn you, it’ll be more than a thousand euros. WAGs aren’t cheap.
@ JT: Sure, blame it on Woody and his faulty groins! Actually, it’s probably the Spurs marketing dept’s fault. Crouch thought we needed a new DVD to sell and he had to improvise.
@MW: upload one here:
http://en.gravatar.com/
@TSE – Additionally, I resent it referred to as the “dude point of view”. Bah! I like to think of my self as a pragmatist. It’s not about what you did, but logic (or lack there of) of the action.
@TFA – snazzy. Thanks! I’ve got a friend in Spain named Monica Mint..I’ll introduce you if you’re interested.
@MW: I amend my comment — you provided the smart dude point of view. As we all know, that person does not exist, like the Loch Ness Monster and like Arsenal silverware.
@MW: Thanks, but no. I am happily married and thanks to you too smart to leave little telltale evidence trails behind.
@TSE – Well said. So then, maybe I should amend my comment. I am here to provide the “smart dude” point of view instead of the “strong male” one. Big difference. And you are correct, that person doesn’t exist since I only have two legs. But I will attempt to continue to provide it.
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As for the Arsenal silverware…as long as this person is included on this team, there is no hope. http://bit.ly/9fXJId
@TFA- GOOD MAN! Tell your wife you were voted UF’s Married Man of the Match today and she should bake you something nice. Or wear nothing. Your pick. Congrats!
p.s. “successful job” and “stunning wife” are obviously relative terms if that link is to be believed.
I feel it my patriotic, Spurs-WAG-loving duty to repost this.
It would only be patriotic if her bikini was a union jack. Duh. But maybe now we can hook her up with Wilshire. He needs a cougar to cement his status and maybe we can get Crouch off the national team a la Bridge.
@ Anon: Thanks for that. For you (although you’ve probably already seen it)
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwvtoxAxnH1qam9joo1_400.jpg
@MW: I don’t think Jesus with a football needs a Mary Magdalene type situation on his hands here.
The thing that disappoints me about this – and I’m pretty shallow, so bear with me – is that Crouch seemed to have “won” at life. The virgin comment and the implicit acceptance of being a complete dork with the robot was poetically offset by the majesty of Her Clancyness. Now the juxtaposition is gone and he’s just another tool. Consider me bummed.
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He’s big.
He’s red.
His feet stick out the bed (alone, all by himself cause he’s an idiot).
Peter Crouch, Peter Crouch