Michel Platini reacts to Spurs being drawn from the hat
Contain thy selves, Spurs fans. Act like you’ve been here before. While this is indeed your first foray into the CL proper — congrats again, by the way (bastards) — you need to maintain decorum for what should be a very stuffy and expectedly boring draw.
Let the suits mutter under their breath and pluck balls from hats, or velvet bags, or a giant raffle machine, or some kind of expensive glass dish.
Let them hold the bits of paper aloft for all to see before heading into a back room for massages, kobe beef, and vintage wine.
It’s Champions League draw day, after all… forget that other, pox of a competition that has actual games later, for this tournament is all that matters to UEFA and its coterie of “official partners.”
So, how do the pots look? Do follow our hopefully-live coverage after the jump.
The pots were set after the games, but that involved far too much math for my liking and as such, I waited for them to be posted online.
Et, voila:
POT ONE
Inter, Barcelona, Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Bayern Munich, Milan, Lyon
POT TWO
Werder Bremen, Real Madrid, AS Roma, Shakhtar Donetsk, Benfica, Valencia, Marseille, Panathanaikos
POT THREE
Tottenham Hotspur, Ranger, Ajax, Schalke, Basel, Braga, Copenhagen, Spartak Moscow
POT FOUR
Hapoel Tel Aviv, FC Twente, Rubin Kazan, Auxerre, CFR Cluj, FK Partizan, MSK Zilina, Bursaspor
Peter Crouch said he wanted to face the best, so I’m sure I’m alone in saying that I hope that tall oak of a man gets his wish. Inter, Real Madrid, and Rubin Kazan, plz. May that calm his brio just a touch.
NY Kid will be here around 11.55a to carry this party into the lunchtime hour, when the groups get put together.
Settle down, you animals! I’ve added Inter Meelan to Pot 1, since JT had blocked them from his memory.
Obviously, this is the NY Kid here, taking charge of the live draw. You should note that Precious Roy has already placed a $100 bet that Arsenal will draw Real Madrid.
[Note to the FBI: Precious Roy is not gambling with real money, we swear!]
Actually, I’m not watching FSC in HD, you smarmy announcer bastard!
I’ve never heard of this Melanie Vinegar, but I like the looks of her!
Ah, first we’re treated to a recap of last year’s CL action. What an epic montage! Fantastic music! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Is it over? What did I miss?
UEFA Club GK of the Year: The NY Kid! Julio Cesar. (Lloris was robbed!)
UEFA Club Defender of the Year: Maicon!
UEFA Club Midfielder of the Year: Wesley Sneijder!
UEFA Club Forward of the Year (handed out by the Baby-Faced Assassin): Diego Milito?!?
The groups as they are formed, below:
Group A: FC Internazionale Milan; SV Werder Bremen; Tottenham Hotspur FC; FC Twente
Group B: Olympique Lyonnais; SL Benfica; FC Schalke 04; Hapoel Tel-Aviv FC
Group C: Manchester United; Valencia CF; Rangers FC; Bursaspor
Group D: FC Barcelona; Panathinaikos FC; FC Kobenhavn; FC Rubin Kazan
Group E: FC Bayern Munchen; AS Roma; FC Basel 1893; CFR 1907 Cluj
Group F: Chelsea FC; Olympique de Marseille; FC Spartak Moskva; MSK Zilina
Group G: AC Milan; Real Madrid CF; AFC Ajax; AJ Auxerre
Group H: Arsenal FC; FC Shakhtar Donetsk; SC Braga; FK Partizan
I’m comfortable with Arsenal’s draw of Donuts, Ivan Draga and Participle. However, Auxerre got screwed while Marseille will also have a tough time getting out of Group F.
And for the final award of the evening (it’s 7pm in Monaco, you know):
UEFA Club Footballer of the Year: Diego Milito.
Wow, incredible for Milito to come out on top like that. Nicklas Bendtner clearly got screwed.
the only way that draw can get any better for Barca is if they get Hapoel as the fourth team.
Ha ha ha ha… Be careful what you wish for, nacho boy.
yeah, enjoy the Europa League, spurs. you’re not beating Bremen
F**k. Thanks Crouch, you got your stupid wish. Still, as long as we don’t get like Rubin Kazan, we should be able to get past Werder.
Spartak London v. Spartak Moscow? The world may implode on itself.
Or never mind then. There it is.
Basel folks don’t like that draw.
Wenger’ll be playing the kids by matchday 4
@LE: Settle down; it’s a Rafa-led Inter, not a Jose-led Inter. You guys can beat the Spanish Waiter’s ineptitude
Phew again.
I like what I’ve seen of Braga this season. That could be a tricky trip for Arsenal. Their stadium is also really neat.
G=group of f**king death.
Wow. Group G looks f**king miserable.
LE-is it a crocodile, though?
F**k Schalke and their cozy draw.
It’s the one that abuts a rock outcropping, right?
Also, Spartak London with Spartak Moscow, interesting…
USA USA USA
@Jacob: Alas, it’s not a crocodile. But it is carved out of the side of a rock quarry. We played them a few years ago in the UEFA cup and it was cool looking.
D=weak. G=holy crap who’s going to get out of that?
Here are the odds for Tottenham as to the last team in Group A:
Rubin Kazan 25%
Twente 25%
Auxerre 17% (or 0%, UEFA is weird)
words do not express my hatred for barcelona
@Draw: I don’t understand. Why can’t we get Cluj or someone crap like that?
Just go ahead and add Kazan into Group G.
LE: You can, but Kazan and Twente have to go in groups ABCD because Spartak and Ajax respectively are in groups EFGH and they don’t want all the teams from one country playing on the same match day.
I don’t know (re:Group G), I’ve watched Ajax twice this season and haven’t looked too hot. Still early and all that
@Draw: Ahh. That makes sense. I wasn’t think about the other group that plays on the same matchday.
May as well not play Group E, except for EL spot.
@ umlaut: That would be inhumane, G needs a Cluj.
Oh boy, that could be another dead last group for Rangers.
bursa, manyoo and valencia…i almost think we have half a chance
67% chance of either Kazan or Twente in Group A.
Wow. Group G is a very deadly group of death.
Sorry, Auxerre.
Good Lord, Group G is insane!
Whew. I’ll take Twente over Russia any day.
Finally Barca gets someone actually tough-ish.
@ Ryan – allow me my delusion, please
I like how Barca’s toughest competition in their group is going to be their 4 seed.
Interesting if Hapoel falls to Group A, Yid Army v Yid Army?
Man. I really really wish we had gotten in Group B.
So it’s Twente for Tottenham and Partizan for Arsenal.
Ah, Twente, we get to see Bryan Ruiz.
so spurs die in their group and Arse die at the hands of serbian fans?
That sucks. We could have had two other really soft 4th seeds, and instead we get Twente. Boo.
At least United have to go to Turkey. Way-fa!
So when do they release the fixture dates?
@ WAG: Believe that was a given about Spurs not making it out of groups, but the Arse have some scary-ish places to go.
Why not Milito NYK? Brace in the Final and all…
Twente is a very soft seed as well. Sure to be overwhelmed by playing champions league football. Lost some quality over he last season. I see them finishing dead last.
@ LE: Remember though, Twente, are a smallish squad that might not have the depth between league and CL matches.
@OM, DSS: Yeah, I’m not super worried now that their manager has left and so has some talent, but they’re still the reigning Dutch Champions. I imagine they’ll have more in their locker than Hapoel Tel-Aviv.
A, B, and F should be most intriguing for parity purposes. Maybe not F, but I’m still not sure what to think of Chelsea.
C, D, and H should have good battles for second.
The fact that you’re having to talk yourself into Twente being beatable tells you pretty much everything you need to know about your draw.
@Ryan – Milito is meh.
@Mac/et al: That’s not as bad as it could’ve been. Sevilla’s about the level of comp we’ve played the past couple years, Bursaspor’s a relative-unknown I suppose. Manc’s will shackle us. Best we can hope is SAF takes it easy on Walter.
.
I dunno. No hopes of reaching the GS but at least we have a shot at 3rd and a drop into the Europa-brand Competition.
@NYK: Yeah, totally. But if the award is based off of European performance by a striker, I’d say he certainly deserves it.
BOOTROOM TJ: Trabonzspor just popped one in. ruh-roh, Roy.
I hate Internazionale but you have no idea how much I look forward to them knocking Spurs down a few pegs.
F**king Defoe and Henry should start a handball league.
And on a side note, congrats Reds for pulling it out of your asses at the last minute in Turkey!