CL Group Previews: G is for Glitz, Glamour, and Gennaro Gattuso

Begone!

With both European competitions now set for the group stages, we thought we’d collect some rapid-fire prognostication and coverage, beginning with the Champions League.

Oh, who am I kidding: we’ll likely begin and end with the CL, the Big Cup, the Apple of Michel Platini’s eye. As such, consider these our knee-jerk reactions before things get underway in a few short weeks’ time.

Now, we shift to Group G…

If we must conform to the tournament tradition of assigning a “Group of Death” tag to one of the quartets plucked from a hat, then it’d go to this lot in a flash. You get two perennial disappointments who’ve undergone several summer changes designed to restore luster, a Dutch side that loves to romp inside its borders before surrendering tamely on the continent, and a French club who rode that rare combination of luck, timing, and talent to an improbable Champions League appearance.

Drawn From Pot 1 — Milan
The Rossonieri haven’t been their all-conquering, all-consuming force in some time, relegated to playing second fiddle to those blue/blacks across town. If you’ll allow me, I’ll say that they’re in danger of becoming the Liverpool to Inter’s Manchester United, though with Rafa Benitez installed as the Nerazzurri boss, there’s a major flaw in their armor.

Let’s parse out this LFC comparison further. No Serie A titles since 2003-04, but some sporadic Euro success and a domestic cup here and there to appease the rabid fans. They arguably held on to some highly-paid, high-profile players a little past their expiration, but if you witness Ronaldinho’s traveling trickshow yesterday, you’d realize that they’re far from finished.

There are promising youths in the mix, like Pato and Selecao cohort Thiago Silva, and with them comes hope. On the transfer front, duffers have been offloaded quietly (though they still have that gad Gennaro Gattuso) and like LFC, their season could hinge on that high-risk signing of a player who comes with some overwhelming pros/cons.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the new foil for Milan’s Brazilian contingent, though we’re not quite sure how he’ll be able to work his own contributions into the greater good. Ibra is a man who demands to be in the front of the team picture, the player whose highlight reel frippery cannot mask entirely his ability to vanish completely from games, as if game tapes had been manipulated and chopped like footage of the North Korean NT that turns up on a street corner in Pyongyang.

With today’s rumors of a move for Robinho, the delicately calibrated attack/defense balance would be forever wrecked, not that Massimiliano Allegri — from Cagliari, this gig represents his biggest job in soccer to date — or the teen-chasing, vainglorious owner Silvio Berlusconi seem to care. This is, after all, the club that shipped four at Old Trafford and lost 1-0 at home to FC Zurich, their aging stars and young bucks unable and uninterested in giving resistance.

In short, Milan are perhaps the least deserving Pot 1 team. Which, in a way, makes them the most dangerous.

Drawn from Pot 2 — Real Madrid
Jose Mourinho. Bottomless bank account. Procession of talent rich enough to fill the Louvre, the MoMA, and the Tate without breaking a sweat. This is life at the Bernabeu, and though the names and faces often change, the basic tale is always the same.

Florentino Perez will stop at nothing in his quest to unseat the much more user-friendly (though ominously wicked in recent months) and brand-winning Barcelona, as evidenced by his sustained Galacticos policy deployed during his times in charge. It’s all about winning, spending, and affirming prestige; however, we all know it doesn’t always work out nicely.

The insertion of Jose Mourinho to the throne of Damocles is the savviest transaction in many a year. While Cristiano Ronaldo and Mesut Oezil will ultimately do more that directly affects the team’s fortunes, it’s on Jose’s head to pull all the disparate, entitled threads together into something bordering on a cohesive team. If anyone is capable, it’s Jose, though we should temper that by noting that with every team Mourinho’s led to the promised land after his Porto days, he’s gotten the job done with a core developed by his predecessor. Real will be no different, but much like life, it’s the little flourishes that make all the difference.

Drawn From Pot 3 — Ajax
The Eredivisie titans of old are a different prospect these days, yet one that most of us EPL lovers can relate to: a storied club besieged with debt and thus trying to forge a new identity amid difficult financial times.

Having fought tooth and nail to keep Martin Jol from jumping to the Fulham job, they’ve also clung to a decent enough squad that will present Milan with more than enough problems should they turn up unprepared.

Anchoring the side are several Dutch stars ready to assume full control of the national team: Gregory van der Wiel should overcome his naivete at right-back to become a true international force, while Urby Emanuelson provides a decent threat on the other flank. Demy de Zeeuw provides a commanding, though unabrasive, presence in defensive midfield, and Siem de Jong is fast becoming the heir to Wesley Sneijder’s throne (though it’ll be a while before any formal changing of the guard, we suspect).

Aside from the homegrown talent, you get the imported crowd: goalmouth predator-turned-handball king Luis Suarez, his Charruas facilitator Nicolas Lodeiro, AZ’s built-for-Eredivisie striker Mounir El Hamdaoui, and inconsistency from Miralem Sulejmani and Mido.

We’d expect this side to take a few bites out of Group G’s giants, only to fall back and join more evenly-matched competition in the Europa League.

Drawn From Pot 4 — Auxerre
Can a team boasting Anthony Le Tallec up front win anything? Probably not, unless we’re setting our sights a little low (though ALT did collect a CL winner’s medal at Liverpool, though we’re not entirely sure why).

AJA stunned everyone by finishing 3rd in Ligue Unh last season, thanks in large part to 14 goals from Polish frontman Ireneusz Jelen and robust play in midfield from captain Benoit Pedretti and Dariusz Dudka. The Champions League presents a challenge too far for the Burgundy Boys, who’ll have to be content playing spoiler.

Mercifully for my analytical skills, our resident Frenchie, The NY Kid, concurs: “They rely entirely on Jelen up front (unless you have faith in Le Tallec), and their defense (with the exception of Hengbart) is very leaky. Luckily for them, Olivier Sorin is really an excellent GK.”

But who worries about such things when you know that Auxerre coach Jean Fernandez is such a positive, uplifting guy!

Prediction: Real, Milan (but it’ll be close), Ajax, Auxerre