Bootroom: Euro 2012 Qualifiers + England/Bulgaria Liveblog

"What do you think, boss? Can I play for England when I'm 50?" "We'll see, David. We'll see."

What a glorious day for soccer fans: the interlull begins, and already, the Republic of Ireland have wasted precious little time in lumbering to an awkward, barely-deserved 1-0 win in Armenia. Well done, lads! And no handballs anywhere to be seen.

England take time out of their busy womanizing and half-hearted EPL performances to show up tonight at Wembley Stadium, aka Home of the Dodgy Grass, for what promises to be a real belter.

Seriously: only 8 failures carried over from that failure in South Africa! And a 4-4-2 as well!

Elsewhere, the Scots are in Lithuania, where David Weir, 73, will show us what’s what, and Spain look to tiki-tiki-taka-tick-tick-BOOM-rikki-tikki-tavi their way to a comfortable win in Liechtenstein. And don’t forget France’s home tilt against Aleksandar Hleb and Belarus.

Oh, and Portugal get Cyprus at home, although they’re without Cristiano “Boo-Boo on my Ankle” Ronaldo and manager Carlos Queiroz, who’s busy beginning his 6-month ban for interfering with doping tests prior to the World Cup. Sterling work, Carlos.

Do spend your afternoon with me. Please?

EARLY TEAM NEWS:
Fabio Capello shows his wisdom with the following lineup:

Hart – G. Johnson, Dawson, Jagielka, A. Cole – Walcott, Gerrard, Barry, Milner – Defoe, Rooney

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the press box should either Dawson or Jagielka fail. We’ll be forced to hear about how they’re inexperienced at this level, as if playing Bulgaria on a crap pitch is a million worlds away from traveling to West Brom or Sunderland on a Friday afternoon for a Saturday pm kickoff.

Such is life for England, and their fans, their players, their manager, and their adoring/backstabbing media junkets.

Still waiting on Scotland’s XI, but here are the other Euro 2012 fixtures clogging up our Friday afternoon/evening:

And yes, I know some have started/finished already. Kindly bite me.

Group A
Kazakhstan 0, Turkey 3
Belgium v. Germany (ko: 2.45p ET)

Group B
Armenia 0, Rep. of Ireland 1
Andorra 0, Russia 1
Slovakia v. Rep. of Macedonia (ko: 2.30p ET)

Group C
Faroe Islands 0, Serbia 2
Estonia v. Italy (ko: 2.30p ET)
Slovenia v. Northern Ireland (ko: 2.45p ET)

Group D
Romania v. Albania (ko: 2p ET)
Luxembourg v. Bosnia/Herzegovina (ko: 2.15p ET)
France v. Belarus (ko: 3p ET)

Group E
Moldova 0, Finland 0

Group F
Latvia v. Croatia (ko: 2p ET)
Greece v. Georgia (ko: 2.45p ET)

Group G
Montenegro 0, Wales 0
England v. Bulgaria (ko: 3p ET)

Group H
Iceland v. Norway (ko: 3p ET)
Portugal v. Cyprus (ko: 3.45p ET)

Group I
Lithuania v. Scotland (ko: 2.15p ET)
Liechtenstein v. Spain (ko: 2.45p ET)

Hello, all! Ready for some England fail? I know I am, and as such, I’ve prepped a large vodka/tonic to soothe the nerves. None of this Diet Coke business that The Stretford End loves so much.

TEAMS IN FULL:
England:
1-Hart – 2-G. Johnson, 6-Jagielka, 5-Dawson, 3-A. Cole – 7-Walcott, 4-Gerrard, 8-Barry, 11-Milner – 9-Defoe, 10-Rooney.

Bulgaria:
13-Mihailov – Ivanov, 16-Milanov, Manolev, 3-Iliyan Stoyanov – 8-Yankov, 6-Angelov, 19-Stiliyan Petrov, 17-Martin Petrov – 10-Bojinov, 7-Popov.
Referee: Viktor Kassai (Hungary)

Guessing Bulgaria are loving the 4-4-2 as well, but I will check that early on in the game.

We’re ready… and we’re off!

Yes, plenty of empty seats at Wembley. Why? Probably because

a. tickets are expensive
b. England aren’t that good
c. Pub has cheaper beer and the game on TV

2 mins: A fiery start, to be sure. Rooney’s already looked more alive than he did all summer long.

3 mins: Popov tracks back into midfield to cue a counter-attack, and is met by a fairly typical Gareth Barry reducer. Bulgaria waste the resultant free-kick and England break down the left with Milner.

GOAL – England 1, Bulgaria 0 – Defoe, 3
Some broken play and some opportunism by Jermaine Defoe, but I could care less. Rooney lobs it over the top for Ashley Cole, who’d made a clever run behind the Bulgarian backline (that was half-asleep and playing a very crooked line). Mihailov saves Cole’s effort but Manolev doesn’t clear, leaving Defoe to volley home the scraps. Brainless marking by the visitors, but the early harassment by the home side pays off. Only thing is, where was this aggression against Algeria?

5 mins: Gerrard is crunched by Angelov in midfield. Very pacey start by both sides. Lots of loose tackling.

7 mins: Walcott has a shot from 20 yards with the defenders stepping off, but he puts it wide with his left foot.

8 mins: Johnson bamboozles Martin Petrov on the right side, but his cross is mediocre. Still, lots of promising movement by an England team that has an awful lot to prove. Fullbacks are overlapping, wingers are inverting or drifting infield, and Bulgaria aren’t quite aware of their marking assignments. Still, all this is tempered by the fact that it’s an early-season qualifier at home to Bulgaria.

11 mins: Martin Petrov gets onto a long diagonal pass ahead of Glen Johnson, but the low cross finds no red shirts in the middle and Hart scoops it up.

Of course, another thing I just remembered: as “good” as England look so far, it’ll all change once Fabio has to wedge Lampard back in there somewhere.

16 mins: Choppy stuff as things settle. Martin Petrov and Angelov are big fans of trying to loft diagonal passes over the top, but neither Popov nor Bojinov have done well in anticipating and timing their runs.

Johnson plays Walcott in with a nice angled pass, but his cutback finds no-one in the middle. Then Gerrard bundles Milanov over, though the Bulgarian goes down with extreme ease.

18 mins: Behold, all, the reason why Glen Johnson shouldn’t be a defender. His dopey run infield gives left-back Milanov acres of space to sneak in around the back—Walcott was absent also—but the cross finds an England noggin in the middle. Then Bulgaria get a chance to cross from the other flank, but Glen Johnson fails at knocking it behind for a corner (it hits his standing leg, not the foot he was trying to hit it with), forcing a sharp save from Hart to prevent the own goal. Neither England center-back did much to stop that, either. Dozy stuff, almost punished.

21 mins: Corner for England as Walcott’s cross is blocked behind, but Bulgaria clear. Rooney does well to tidy up possession on the left but his cross is cleared neatly by Stilyan Petrov.

Ho-ho! Popov should be called “Dropov” because he likes to come deep into midfield for possession! Droll!

23 mins: Good god, this drink is glorious. Rooney can’t keep a simple pass from dribbling out for a throw-in. Cue Capello leaping to his well-heeled feet for some yelling.

Nice work by Jagielka to recover from his error: Valeri Bojinov snuck between the Everton defender and Cole to reach a through-ball, but ol’ Phil did well to slide in and knock it away after the ex-Citeh striker showed far too much of the ball to the center-back.

26 mins: England are just knocking it around in the middle with the Bulgarians gamely chasing them around. I’d be sleepy were it not for the singing and big band in the stands.

Was that a redhead ballgirl on the sideline? Now I’ve seen everything!

28 mins: I recognize this England now. Get an early goal, then fall into a coma. It’d be nice to see them play with some urgency. Right now they seem to think the team with the most 40-yard backpasses to the goalkeeper wins the game by default. On cue, Milner bursts up the left side and drills a low shot on target, but it’s easy for Mihailov.

30 mins: Gareth Barry really is a clod on the ball, isn’t he? Can’t control it for sh*t.

Cue longball-longball-longball.

Stoyanov lofts a ball for Bojinov to chase behind England’s high backline, but he’s offside. Down the other end, Walcott jinks and bounds into the area with pace, only to run himself into a wall of defenders. His cross/shot is deflected out for a corner that England promptly waste.

That’s the big thing about Walcott that bugs me. Pace and on-the-ball trickery in abundance, yet has no semblance of intelligence or vision on the ball. Never seems to make the right decision once he creates a bit of room for himself. So frustrating.

36 mins: More drinks for me as England’s back four play keep-way in front of 60,000 lagered-up fans.

Oh, wait, a semblance of action! Rooney surges at the Bulgarian defense after one of them falls over, presumably awed by him. He slips it to Ashley Cole who’d run inside him before continuing his own run, but Cole’s return pass is overhit. Now, we can get back to drinking and singing songs with few lyrics other than “la-la-la-la” in them.

Defoe is whistled for a foul in the box. The Spurs striker did well to reach Gerrard’s cheeky pass over the top, but Stoyanov recovers, gets between Jermain and the ball, and eventually falls down.

38 mins: More action down the Bulgarian end as Defoe is put through the middle, but the visitors scramble it clear as far as Walcott, who promptly soils his shorts at the thought of doing something clever with the ball. Attack = over.

41 mins: Milner steps infield onto his right foot and uncorks a fizzing shot from 25 yards, but Stoyanov gets a toe on it and steers it wide of goal for a corner. Milner takes it short before it’s worked back to Walcott, wide open, but lo and behold, the Arsenal starlet puts a low cross into Mihailov’s grasp despite Defoe and Stoyanov being close by.

Yankov floats in a far-post cross from the right, presumably to give Joe Hart something to do. The Citeh keeper catches it in the air without any pressure.

44 mins: Bulgaria enjoy some sustained possession just inside the England half, though their pass-and-move is flirtatious without much follow-through, and as a result they never really get anywhere. Before you can say “boring”, it’s back with Mihailov.

Looks like Bulgaria have their own Walcott clone in Popov. Not because the Bulgarian has pace, but because his decision-making is as poor as a WAG after a few Cosmopolitans. He ends up with possession wide right and room to run, but opts to whack in an early cross before any Bulgarian can get into the box. Don’t even think he looked up to check. Hart catches it.

HALF TIME: England 1, Bulgaria 0
Moments of speed punctuate a rather sleepy fixture. I’ll be back with another drink in just a minute to look at the other scores.

NOTABLE HALF-TIME SCORES:
Belgium 0, Germany 0 (HT) – Them Belgians will be good in a couple of years. Mark it.
Estonia 1, Italy 1 (60 mins) – Cassano just scored. Looks like sex and pastries for him later.
France 0, Belarus 0 (HT) – Are we really surprised?
San Marino 0, Holland 2 (90 mins) – Could have scored more
Montenegro 1, Wales 0 (FT) – Wonder who gets the Bellamy/Golf Club treatment for this one?
Liechtenstein 0, Spain 2 (HT) – Torres. Villa. Easy.

We’re off again!

46 mins: Bojinov has it down the left side with just Jagielka to beat, and he flummoxes him nicely. Sadly, his shot is from the narrowest of angles and is never threatening Hart or the goal.

49 mins: That looks like the Rooney I vaguely remember from 2009-10. Following Hart’s booming goal kick downfield, it falls for the United frontman some 25 yards out. He spots Mihailov off his line and attempts a cheeky chip, but the goalie does well to scramble back and punch it over the bar. Lovely effort by Master Wayne. England then waste the corner.

53 mins: England take a customary nap at the back and Popov comes oh-so-close to equalizing. It comes from a hoof downfield that Dawson completely misjudges in flight. Jagielka and Glen Johnson were out of position, powerless to stop the ball bounce through for Popov, but all he can do is blast his low shot inches wide of the post. Hart seemed like he had it covered.

Now Dawson’s down, clutching his knee. Looks awful on the replay. Under pressure from Popov, he gets the ball back to Hart but his boot gets caught in the turf and his knee/ankle take a crunch. Gary Cahill—a player I’ve been hoping to see get some England action for some time—pulls on his shirt and warms up quickly. Dawson needs the stretcher. Not good. Sorry, Spurs fans.

SUBSTITUTION, ENGLAND: Dawson off, Gary Cahill on

59 mins: Walcott ignores Glen Johnson on the right flank as he cuts infield, but England still win a corner. Nothing much comes of it though. Gerrard collects at the edge of the box and slots it back for Glen Johnson, who strikes it a mile over the bar.

60 mins: England closing Bulgaria down in midfield reasonably well, stopping any kind of rhythm. Bojinov concedes a free-kick under pressure from Ashley Cole, and then signals to the bench that he might wish to be subbed off.

Moments later. Martin Petrov breaks the offside trap on Glen Johnson’s side of the pitch—seriously, he’s a dreadful defender—and his cutback for Angelov forces Hart to punch it clear.

GOAL: England 2, Bulgaria 0 – Defoe, 61
Hart’s punch-save cues a surprisingly spritely England counter-attack. With a man advantage in the attacking third, Jermain Defoe has time on the ball to pick his spot, sliding the ball through Mihailov’s legs for a simple goal.

Lucky break for England, as Hart’s “save” wasn’t really much of one that Hart knew about. Just blasted into his hands, really. It fell luckily to Barry, who cued the attack.

YELLOW CARD, BULGARIA: Popov, 63
A lazy hack at Gerrard after the England captain had beaten him for pace.

SUBSTITUTION, BULGARIA: Bojinov off, Rangelov on

65 mins: Milner races down the left flank, turning Manolev around before rifling a cross in, though Mihailov saves.

Then, nervy times down the other end. Rangelov forces a neat save from Hart after Jagielka lost him in the box, and Angelov’s follow-up shot is shouldered wide by Jagielka Cahill.

SUBSTITUTION, BULGARIA: Manolev off, Minev on

66 mins: England don’t look comfortable at the back by any means, but the confidence and comfort will come in due course. Joe Hart’s done well tonight in the few moments he’s been called into action.

67 mins: Milner gets crunched/elbowed by Milanov as the Bulgarian comes in for a healthy reducer. The ref keeps his card in his pocket but gives the free-kick. England waste it, but get a corner. Milner again forces Milanov into action, who slides nicely this time to knock it out for another corner. The Three Lions attempt some kind of weird set piece that doesn’t work, and Bulgaria sweep it up and advance into midfield.

70 mins: It’s all happening now. Lots of room in midfield is allowing attacks for either team. Not long after Rangelov screws a shot comfortably wide, Walcott is played through on goal by Rooney but shanks it gloriously into the stands.

Bulgaria break and threaten via Milanov’s low cross from the right—he’s switched to RB now—and win a corner off Barry. The set piece doesn’t amount to anything much.

74 mins: There’s the Theo Walcott School of Not Thinking again. He picks Milanov’s pocket near the box and bears down on goal, but instead of crossing low for Defoe, he tries to score from the touchline. It didn’t work.

SUBSTITUTION, ENGLAND: Walcott off, Adam Johnson on

Johnson’s slotted on the right, with Milner shuffling back to the left.

75 mins: Gerrard forces a diving save from Mihailov following his 25-yard drive, but as Defoe zooms in to complete a simple hat-trick, the Bulgarian goalie reacts quickly to punch it away at the last second.

78 mins: Passy-passy-pass-pass. Gary Cahill completes a rollicking hoof into touch under pressure. Ashley Cole forces a fine challenge from Yankov to prevent the Chelsea left-back from getting in round the back.

SUBSTITUTION, BULGARIA: Popov off, Peev on

80 mins: Peev looks lively and eager to impress. He shirks off a couple of potential tackles around the center circle thanks to some nifty footwork, but then overhits his crossfield pass for (I think) Rangelov.

England break with Milner unmarked on the left. Defoe makes a run but Milner holds and plays the right ball wide right to Adam Johnson, though the young Citeh man tries to sidefootedly curl it around Mihailov instead of picking up on the runs of Rooney or Gerrard. It’s narrowly wide. Capello is incensed. To be fair to Johnson, he didn’t err much there. A shot was on considering he had space.

82 mins: Defoe rasps one over the bar in search of his hat-trick. Decent effort.

GOAL: England 3, Bulgaria 0 – A. Johnson, 84
Defoe cues it by reaching Milner’s ball down the left flank. He cuts it back for Adam Johnson, similar to the spot he was in a couple of minutes ago. This time, Gerrard overlaps again but Johnson shoots again, and his aim is true. Capello claps and is pleased, while an assistant whispers something in his ear probably to the tune of “give Adam a break, he did well there.”

Lovely low show by AJ, and his first goal for England not long after coming on. That’ll do nicely. You get the sense that Don Fabio isn’t 100% convinced by Johnson’s skill, but hopefully he gives him more chances to impress. The lad’s good.

GOAL: England 4, Bulgaria 0 – Defoe, 85
I barely had time to document the last one when the Three Lions score again. Rooney does well to surge up the middle following a quickly-taken free-kick. Defoe makes a smart diagonal run, and the Spurs man holds off his marker to blast it nicely past Mihailov. Then Defoe pulls up lame with a bit of a hamstring tweak, either caused during the strike (low left-footed shot across his body) or during the rush to celebrate. Replay shows it was likely a clip from the defender as he made his shot.

Another strong finish by Defoe, and a well-deserved hat-trick. Here’s hoping Heskey never sees this Three Lions teamsheet again. England look a lot more dangerous with both pacy strikers on instead of this static/lumbering target man business.

SUBSTITUTION, ENGLAND – Defoe off, Ashley Young on

Capello was primed to remove Milner but Defoe’s limp switched the decision.

YELLOW CARD, ENGLAND – Milner, 89
The Citeh man clips Milanov right as the full-back shapes a cross. Easy decision for the ref, who’s been reticent to brandish the cards tonight.

93 mins: Ashley Young can’t keep in a long ball down the right flank.

FULL TIME: England 4, Bulgaria 0
A listless performance by the visitors, but let’s focus on the fact that this “new” England played well and made the most of their chances. Defoe, Rooney, Gerrard and Milner all played well. Though it’s September and a sleepy qualifier, there’s hope for the Three Lions. Then again, it always works this way, doesn’t it?

Thanks for following along. We’ll have some weekend content for those of you still around. I’m off to continue this vodka business. Cheers!