Burnley, Where Almost Everything is Free

Wonder How the Coke Grades Out?

Remember when Burnley FC gave away condoms? We do.

Well now the club is giving away its kits. There’s just one slight little hiccup, you have to be an African child to get one.

From a local paper: “Thanks to Burnley FC, the Clarets Trust and Burnley fans from across the region, more than 1,500 items of kit are being sent to various parts of Africa.”

While the article states that the items were donated by club kit man Daryl Bielby, we have this strange feeling that maybe the club overestimated the demand for jerseys during its foray into the Premier League and simply had boxes of the stuff laying around. It’s a balance sheet loss, but it’s a PR win!

Said trust chairman of the recipients: “I know from personal experience that in many cases these teams play with great enthusiasm but no colours.” The kids were so full of enthusiasm that they weren’t around to receive the gift as they were on holiday for the annual Tobaski religious prayers. Okay, so maybe it’s just a PR push.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t admit that we clicked on the link in the “Most Read” sidebar entitled: “Burnley man’s £1,000 fine for cocaine”

Luckily for us, it was also football related (just please don’t ask why we’re reading Burnley news to begin with)

A Burnley construction worker got busted for possession of cocaine with intent to supply after police found 25-year-old Ben Lambert with 10 grams of blow, some weiging scales and latex gloves.

Lambert’s explanation to the police? He “had been working away, had won a lot of cash on a football bet and spent it on cocaine which he got from a man in the pub.” See, he’s just an entreprenuer.

We’re tempted to buy this explanation. Who hasn’t taken their winning from a 5-team parlay in Vegas and gone straight to find a hooker who is holding? However we’re less inclined to believe his lawyer when he says Lambert “had stopped taking drugs and had learned his lesson.”

In addition to his £1000 fine, Lambert had to pay £200 in court costs and a £15 “victim surcharge.” Who are the victims in a possession case? The dead in Colombia?

Anyway, despite the fact that condoms are free, drugs are easy to find, and the people are apparently quite generous, something about these stories make Burnley seem like a sad, sad place.