Unprofessional Foul


December 21, 2010

Get Off My Lawn!

Green, Ohio town meeting.

No, seriously. Get off my lawn.

At least that’s what it seems like neighbors of a certain subdivision are saying to the Green, Ohio Soccer Association.

It seems that recently the town built a number of youth soccer fields that everyone has hailed as being among the finest in the state. The city council was pleased with the result, and local neighborhoods were ecstatic to have such a wonderful facility so close by for their children.

Then it rained.

Now it appears that the fields were constructed in such a manner so that water runoff flows west towards a drainage pond that isn’t doing the job. The overflow winds up putting several inches of water on the streets of that same neighborhood that was so happy to have the fields built.


Disgruntled neighbors have formed a homeowners association, and they are demanding that the city make structural changes to a culvert in the area to accommodate the overflow. They argue that the drainage pond has a significant deposit of sediment which leads to the overflow, and that the city has known of the issue for some time.

Concerned with the cost of renovations, the city engineers have noted that removal of the sediment and expansion of the culvert would be significantly cheaper if residents agreed to let the city deposit the removed earth on their property. In a surprising turn, some of the homeowners have agreed, making it quite clear that they are willing to work on a solution in order to keep the soccer fields active.

The city, for their part, aren’t helping the stereotype of bureaucracy by hemming and hawing on solutions. Even worse, when referring to the issue of sediment in the pond, City Engineer Paul Pickett asked “How much [sediment] was in the water as a result of some 50 years of farming on the Boettler farm?”

Oh, snap! He totally threw the Boettlers under the bus. Everyone always blames the Amish.

Pickett went on to note that the best engineering solution would be to build a separate drainage pond nearer to the soccer fields (you mean, as opposed to across the street from it!?!) to handle the runoff. I’m going to go ahead and assume that Mr. Pickett got his degree in Environmental Sciences from Bowling Green University.

OOOOOH, cheap shot!

About the Author

The NY Kid


  1. Lennon's Eyebrow

    Slow news day?

  2. Outside Mid

    @ LE: Why yes, yes it is.

  3. I’m simply catering to our large Ohio fanbase

  4. ebullientfatalist


  5. dildo baggins

    paul pickett is by far the best person in the history of people. i have crossed paths with him many times and he has to simply be on of the down to earth people Ive ever met. he probably is way more intelligent than the person who wrote this article so i would shut your mouth cause he could kick your ass any day you little bitch.

    • @dildo: Well, you are probably correct about him being smarter than NY Kid and his Ph.d, but NY Kid certainly could kick most people’s asses. So, unless Pickett is Ndamukong Suh, he better watch out.

  6. thank you. I am sure he is proud to be associated with someone with the username “dildo”

  7. Anonsters

    It’s a fuckin’ disgrace that you put a picture of Robert Byrd on a story about Ohio.

  8. @Anon – but he had a history of telling people to get off his lawn, see?

  9. Outside Mid

    Someone needs his batteries changed methinks…

  10. @OM: dildos (or is it dildoes?) don’t require batteries do they?

  11. I swear, Mr. Baggins is not representative of Ohioans as a whole.

  12. Outside Mid

    @ TFA: I thought the vibrating ones did?/scene from the movie Parenthood comes to mind

  13. @OM: I thought those were vibrators and dildos were a different category of apparatuses.
    Sidenote: I went into Brookstone this last weekend doing Christmas shopping and love that they sell “personal massagers” in the back corner.

  14. Anonsters

    And then there’s the Sybian.

  15. WhoNeedsForwards

    Where’s kickette when you need them…er, too inappropriate?

  16. Ryan

    @NYK: Is “telling people to get off his lawn” the worst KKK membership euphemism ever?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>