Unprofessional Foul
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December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas, Fashion! The Good, The Bad, The WTF

French cock

The countdown is on. Boxing Day matches (should that island thaw out) are less than a week away. Since I’m so poor, I am giving you all a joint gift. Five full days of the not-quite-defunct series The Good, The Bad, The WTF. Enjoy! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

On the fourth day of UF Xmas, Jacob NY Kid gave to me . . . a cheap, fake French champions shirt.
On the third day of UF Xmas, Jacob BG gave to me . . . a fifth division Argentine horror.
On the second day of UF Xmas, Jacob gave to me . . . a black and white monstrosity.
On the first day of UF Xmas, Jacob gave to me . . . a Spurs away kit from 1993.

There’s a thin line between producing patriotic gear quickly after a national triumph and just looking to make a quick, easy Franc (or was it Euro in 1998?) off of the national fervor. Whoever made this shirt was definitely in the latter camp. But, they made their ducats, including off of NY Kid (and/or his family), who undoubtedly wants to punch someone in the junk over the whole affair.

Let’s see what it is:

How do you say "Sucker" in French?

I have an idea. Let’s get a Eurosport catalogue and flip to the back where the team sales are. Pick the cheapest shirt you can find in a neutral color (teams seem to wear white and/or red a lot. We’ll do white to be safest) and buy in bulk. If I remember correctly, the best prices are for 500+ shirts. We’ll get 10,000. Anyway, we will go ahead and print these shirts with the World Cup 2014 logo and hold onto them. Then, when the Brazilians win at home (and since we will all be there on UF’s dime from all this advertising (as long as you click the ads–have you clicked ten times today?)), we will have already had our clipart ready for printing, just inserting the name of the champion at the last second and, voila, we’ll be rich, rich, rich.

Except that someone beat us to the punch by 16 years. Because that seems to be the basic business plan of whoever ripped off NY Kid and family back in 1998. Bonus points are had for using a shiny stripe print, I guess. In fact, since I have mandated myself to say something nice about each of this week’s shirts, that’s it–the shiny stripes are OK.

After that, it’s just bad, and illegal. In fact, if Sepp knew NYK was holding this in his closet, he’d try to take away our license as footy bloggers. I must say, though, I’m amazed that the printing on this apparently cheap cash-in is still intact 12 years later. I would have given this thing three washes, max. Actually, having met NYK one time, I can see him only washing a shirt three times in 12 years.

I kid the Kid.

And, hey, would you look at that–there’s dying daylight out there on the east coast. I did it! Stay tuned tomorrow for another shirt out of the UF closet, possibly complete with the pit stains from TFA’s HS playing days.



About the Author

Jacob





11 Comments


  1. Outside Mid

    I’ll still contend that shirt BG shared yesterday was not a horror–THE GREATEST SHIRT EVAR.


  2. Illegal? That Moroccan street vendor at Sacre Coeur told me it was official merchandise!


  3. Pete

    @TFA

    Le Coq Sportif!


  4. ebullientfatalist

    I was looking at Bundesliga jerseys the other day. Has anyone seen Aachen’s kit lately? Gawd, the bumblebees are in full effect.


  5. I think I got that same shirt (minus the Frenchie stuff) for attending a Brittania soccer camp.


  6. Anonsters

    Is it just me or does the trophy in that photo not look a bit like a claw grasping testicles?


  7. ebullientfatalist

    A massive golden testicle.


  8. James T

    It looks like a hand holding a grapefruit and then dipped in custard.

    /Fantasy Football League’d


  9. Texas Tippler

    While we are on Christmas WTF, how about these jewels from Catalonia :
    http://www.caganer.com/caganers-renom-futbolistes-c-47_53.html
    The ones of the African players are particularly offensive. I think footballer caganers deserve their own article…



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