The “Other” Barcelona is Cursed

"Maybe what we really need to do is sign Messi."

Superstitions, curses, and black magic go a long way in South America. There’s your garden variety habits known as “cábalas”, such as players always stepping over the touchline with their right foot first, or coaches who always wear the same “lucky” outfit to every match.

Then there’s the darker stuff.

According to Alfonso Harb, president of Barcelona Sporting Club in Guayaquil, Ecuador, the reason they haven’t been able to win a title in 13 years is because the club was under a curse. Fortunately, they’ve discovered the problem and everything’s cool now.

At a press conference to announce some new player signings, Harb brought out a framed portrait of Our Lady of Sorrows, which he presented as “the team’s newest signing” and will guide the club to “attain its goals.”

Also, apparently, to protect Barcelona from an evil voodoo witch curse.

“We’ve discovered something diabolical that someone tried to use to hurt Barcelona,” he said in reference to a pair of glass bottles that the groundskeeper found buried about three inches under the turf behind one of the goals.

This looks familiar for some reason.

The bottles contained the Barcelona crest, a “stinky substance”, and a doll dressed in a Barcelona kit with needles stabbed through it. According to the myth, the club was cursed by a former player from Cameroon named Dyril Makanaki.

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s a bit racist to accuse an African player of casting an evil voodoo spell over the team.

Sadly, the groundskeeper didn’t hold onto the voodoo bottles, “because they emanated an unbearable odor,” not that their actual existence would prove anything anyway.

Maybe the real curse on the club is Harb himself, who uses superstitious nonsense to distract everyone from noticing the shoddy players he just signed (Pablo Saucedo, Hólger Matamoros, Armando Wila and Pablo Palacios—seriously, who are these guys?), who most likely won’t be able to help the Bullfighters win their first title since 1997.

Then you also have to consider the fact that other clubs in Ecuador like Liga de Quito, Emelec, Nacional, and Deportivo Quito are just plain better at soccer right now.