Wenger is Turning Into Yoda

The Incident, He Saw Not

Both preceding and following the contest with Stoke City, Arsenal gaffer Arsene Wenger offered up some slightly odd quips that made me think he’s been watching Star Wars movies as motivational fare. Specifically, the Frenchman sounds less inclined to study the football philosophies of Tiki Taka and more so the proper handling and care of a lightsaber.

Prior to the match, the line that stuck out was, “The focus will be natural, this team wants to win every single game.” What is the unnatural way to play a match? Sure, every team wants to win every single game–that’s just fluff–but what is that natural bit? If placed in the context of someone who’s been watching far too many Star Wars flicks as he is bored of game planning for the Carling Cup, it seems like Wenger is referencing an unending battle to bring balance to The Force.

The style of play Tony Pulis’ Potters employs could be seen as being seduced by the Dark Side–crunching tackles, long ball, Route 1 football at times with a dangerous Rory Delap throw-in to boot. Wenger’s younglings–trained in a temple just like the Frenchman’s tiny green idol–play passing games and keep possession until the proper spacing opens to take advantage.

Sith lords are often direct and try to overwhelm you with lightning strikes from their central midfield. Jedi masters deflect, work patiently, and always try to keep feelings of anger or fear under control. 

And they wear beige cloaks that look like they’ve been made out of hemp. How natural can you get?

Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. He [Ferguson] doesn’t interest me and doesn’t matter to me at all. I will never answer to any provocation from him any more. Do or do not–there is no try. As long as no-one scored, it was always going to be close.

After the match, Wenger was asked about the severity of Theo Walcott’s injury. He replied with, “Walcott has an ankle sprain. For how long he is out, I cannot tell you.” Does that sentence structure remind you of something a small, green alien of some unknown species of an uncertain age would say? Granted, English is not the native tongue of Arsene, but he’s been at Arsenal long enough and conducted myriad interviews with the English media to be practiced enough to avoid sounding like a Jedi Master.

Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained…Nobody has enough talent to live on talent alone. Even when you have talent, a life without work goes nowhere. We do not buy superstars. We make them.

Shocked Gooners fans you are, know I.