Garber-degook

Why Does It Seem the Needle's Creepy Looking Here?

With tomorrow beginning the full slate of MLS First Kick and the start of a league-wide quest to be just good enough to qualify for playoffs to have a chance to win the Bunny Ears Cup (also known as Plan B for getting Toronto FC into the playoffs), I thought we should spend the afternoon thinking of MLS matters. There are previews here and here, so I’m not lumping another one atop those.

Instead, let’s take a look at the interview Commish Don Garber gave prior to Tuesday evening’s first First Kick in Seattle. Read it at your leisure–I won’t be quoting all of it here–but I had some knee-jerk reactions to some of his responses.

1. FC Dallas probably still will have a problem with local interest as the ownership group seems to have alienated a potential core market in its Hispanic community. Also, putting Pizza Hut Park in a mainly white suburban area north of Dallas probably makes it impossible for those who might want to check out the Hoops on a whim to do so–we don’t really do public transportation very well down South.   

2. Blanco was okay for Chicago and Angel’s another DP that’s seemed to be good for the league–but how many DPs have WON an MLS Cup? And if clubs start slapping the Designated Player tag on its players similar to the “franchise player” in the NFL, what are you really going to do about it Don?

3. Stop trying to defend Goldenmort’s attitude toward MLS. You were the rebound date after Real Madrid and he was never really that into you. Putting the league on his shoulder weighed him down apparently, which is simply code for, “The money’s on the dresser. Thanks for last night.”

4. Does the international soccer community respect MLS more now that Seattle dropped Blaise Nkufo like a bad habit?

5. We need access to the “Command Center.” Is this where Wilman Conde would hang out pre-match and pepper-spray those communicating with the referees so they couldn’t alert those on the field to the various weapons he employed defending for Chicago all these years?

6. The problem with Chivas is that it shares a home ground with LA Galaxy? No, more likely the problem is that it is named after ANOTHER MORE POPULAR CLUB in another country whose LA fans follow the original, not the imitation. It’s like MLS tried to market Coke Zero to an audience that could care less about the calories.

7. MLS is interested in soccer in the Southeast? Hmm, coulda fooled me. Really, it seems like MLS could eventually break down into 3 regional leagues–Northeast, West Coast, and fold Sporting KC into Texas and call it the Lone Star League.

8. Just announce the 20th team will be the NY Cosmos already and get on with it. This constant teasing about interest in Atlanta, Miami, or other venues is vapid and irritating. You want 2 clubs in NY, we know it, they know it too–just do it already.

9. Am I the only one who doesn’t mind MLS having an alternate schedule? Stretching it out to accommodate the cup competitions and pre-season friendlies with European sides is fine with me–perhaps instead of the winter break some Euro leagues have though, institute a summer break in Texas so those Canadian sides don’t spontaneously combust.

10. Garber’s about as Tricky Dick with revealing where the money comes from as Sepp Blatter is about how he paid for his meal. I guess another good question to ask (and this might have been answered in a prior interview) would be: “How did the transfer money from deals with Everton, AC Milan, and Villarreal work?”

I didn’t intend for this to be negative or anti-MLS, so if it came out that way, apologies in advance. Those were just some of the thoughts thumping around my head after I read that–you might have some yourself.

Happy First Kick 2011 eve.