Unprofessional Foul


June 1, 2011


It’s done. 186 votes of a possible 203 for the plump Swiss puppeteer. Those who crossed him are left out in the cold, while his sycophants look forward to their allocation money.

And so, a song for Sepp:

Sepp, you play the crooked game better than any ever could. It’s impressive, really, but it’s also sickening. Now, we retreat to our bunkers and conjure up visions of rank rebellion, and while you wait for us to strike, you guzzle down another brick of foie gras and reflect. But you know, deep down, that your time is coming. These charades only work so long before fraying and eroding away to nothingness. And when that time comes, you’d better be ready.

Fuck you.

About the Author

James T


  1. corky

    Oh well. At least, as Americans, we stood up for what is right. Wait, we voted for Sepp and were complicit in this sham? Brilliant.

    However, this has been an interesting exercise with how the rest of the world views corruption. Let’s face it — only 15-20 countries in the world would be distressed by the goings-on in FIFA.

  2. BG

    I kind of enjoy the shenanigans, to be honest. Sepp’s machiavellian mastery rivals even the most infamous banana republic dicators. I mean, what would we do with ourselves if some crusader for purity and transparency cleaned house at FIFA and set everything right? Probably get to enjoy a USA 2022 World Cup, that’s what. Oh well.

  3. Precious Roy

    How do we organize a player boycott of FIFA internationals? That seems to be the most effective. If there are no players playing internationals, then there are no ticket revenues and if there are no fans in the stands then there are no sponsorship dollars. Additionally there are no injuries to RvP and the like.

    Surely the players don’t much care for these things anyway. Given the choice, I’m sure they’d rather have the additional time off this summer or not have to break from their club seasons to go on international duty.

    So they stop showing up. What’s FIFA going to do? Do they have some sort of player status they need to maintain through FIFA registration (no seriously, I’m asking)? Even if it’s stripped, the FA for example could just say, “Okay, we no longer care about that. Here’s our own certification and FIFA can go fuck themselves.”

  4. BG

    @corky: Oh well, indeed.

  5. The biggest problem is that there are no tangible benefits to standing up to Sepp right now other than feeling good about doing the right thing. If there had been a different candidate, or a realistic method of getting rid of Sepp then it would be a shame, but right now there is nothing anyone can really do.

  6. BG

    @PR: that would only work if enough national associations joined the boycott. England might be leading the boycott, but there’s plenty of big soccer countries where the FA bosses benefit directly from Sepp’s largesse (all of South America, eg.). If only a couple righteous FA’s boycotted FIFA events, Sepp could still stage the World Cup with the likes of Brazil, Argentina, Spain, Italy, etc.

  7. @PR: the players don’t care either way. this is fighting beyond their realm and for no purpose other than control of the administration of the game.

  8. Precious Roy

    BG: I think it would only take the Euro powers (Engerland, Spain, Germany, Italy, and the Dutch). A WC with just Brazil as the sole soccer superpower (okay, probably also the Argies) wouldn’t be much of a WC.

  9. MP

    “Euro powers” and “Engerland”. Hah.

  10. Precious Roy

    Another good choice:

  11. Outside Mid

    You know, boycotting internationals and World Cups would ease a lot of England’s national team woes. Sounds like a plan to me.

  12. Outside Mid

    And would we anticipate these FAs to be pro-active? These are the FAs that have problems at times governing their own club leagues. Really, it would come down to fans not paying for seats at matches, not flying around the world to catch a bit of an international tournament, or mounting an effective campaign against the primary sponsors of FIFA. We’ve already seen the sponsors back-track, so expecting them to do anything without being pressed results in nothing.

  13. Jobin

    This is going to be one hell of a book someday.

    Again what is the point of going against Sepp now?

    With the next two WCs locations already decided, are there even any big tournament location decisions that will occur during his new term?

    Nevermind that we all know those have already been promised in order to land votes for Russia/Qatar anyway.

  14. Outside Mid

    Then again, in a couple years when Brazil rolls around, this will all be forgotten. Sepp will have a Carnival parade in his honor, we’ll despise it, then get ready to watch Brazil level the European entrants.

  15. @OM: with any luck he will die of a “heart attack” in bed with some hooker arranged for him Putin.

  16. @OM: before 2014 that is.

  17. Outside Mid

    @ TFA: That’s what I was missing! Get the Russians on this, STAT!

  18. Lennon's Eyebrow

    I really don’t understand why everyone gets so outraged about this crap. Congress works the exact same way. So does basically everything else in the world.

  19. Ryan

    Did we vote for Sepp, or were we one of the abstainers?

  20. UF did not vote for Sepp

  21. Ryan

    UF was fired from the internet by Lisle Austin, you couldn’t have voted for Sepp if you wanted to.

    I should have said, did the United States vote for Sepp?

  22. Outside Mid

    The ballots were burned, so we’ll never know, right? I thought I saw the red smoke earlier in the day signifying Sepp’s re-election. Or the impending Apocalypse. Something like that.

  23. @LE: and when you catch a congressman taking bribes he at the very least loses his job and may receive jail time. so, we do get upset with bribery and corruption scandals in congress the same as we do here.

  24. So now we see that evil will triumph, because good is dumb.

  25. WhoNeedsForwards

    It’s amazing how much you can get folks to like you by giving them other people’s money.

  26. James T

    I’m not outraged that it’s happening; more that it’s happening AGAIN

  27. Lennon's Eyebrow

    @TFA: Bribe is such a harsh word. When Congressman A agrees to support Congressman B’s bill in return for a rider giving funds to Congressman A’s state, is that really a bribe? Or is that just good sense? It hardly seems fair to get mad just because Qatar had the good sense to implement a better voter incentive program.

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