Unprofessional Foul


December 6, 2011

Two Rich Guys Compare Whose Is Bigger

Remarkably You Both Make Mike Ashley Look Like an Effing Genius

Mistakes. That’s what we’re talking about: Whose mistake was bigger?

In January of this year Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich paid a record £50 million to pry Fernando Torres away from the Liverpool-based club of Seventhpool. Torres basically said that the club wasn’t contending for any major trophies any time soon—despite the ownership having just changed—and that the clock was ticking on his career.

The new ownership at Anfield looked at the truckload of money that Chelsea was offering for its star player (Gerrard doesn’t really play anymore so much as get injured, so by default, will give the distinction to Torres) and giggled like a New England school girl who’d been asked to the prom by Tom Brady.

John Henry promptly took the money from Abramovich and ran… straight to Tyneside to lodge a £30M bid for Andy Carroll. The same Andy Carroll who, a season and a half prior, was offered to West Ham for all of £1.5M.

Incredibly, Newcastle rejected that bid. So Henry upped it, to a reportedly £35M. And take a minute right here if you need to un-boggle your mind before proceeding. Anyway, that £35M bid was accepted and on the last day of the transfer window, Torres became a Blue and Carroll a Red.

And both kind of suck right now.

Since arriving at Anfield, Carroll has amassed a whopping four league goals in 16 appearances. He has five total goals in 20 appearances across all competitions (he also scored in the Sippy Cup). He doesn’t have a single assist to his credit.

Per unit time played, Torres is actually less lethal. Or “Torres is actually less lethal?” (yeah, I couldn’t believe it either). But he has totaled only three goals in 25 EPL (suck it, Barclays) appearances, although he does have three assists to go with. Overall he’s got five goals in 34 total appearances across all competitions. Additionally he has six assists to his credit. Torres’ stats are slight buoyed by this season’s Champions League campaign where, entering today’s do-or-die against Valencia, he’s chalked up two goals and three assists in four matches.

Both were super expensive and both are pretty pathetic. Actually, both are borderline dreadful. So we ask you: Which buy was worse? Carroll at £35M or Torres at £50M?

About the Author

Precious Roy


  1. Lennon's Eyebrow

    I’d say Liverpool made the worse bet. Torres was proven world class quality who is just happens to be hilariously out of form boil. The talent is definitely there somewhere, and maybe one day it can show up again on the field. Andy Carroll had half a season of EPL experience. And Liverpool gambled 35 million on it. Whoops.

  2. Lennon's Eyebrow

    And sorry that my post is covered in typos and words I forgot to delete.

  3. Precious Roy

    But Carroll had 17 in 39 the previous year in the Colaship. And maybe Torres literally got old on February 1, 2011.

  4. Precious Roy

    @LE: And really, after crawfish, form is my favorite kind of boil.

  5. MMMMM….form boil.
    This is like choosing whether it is worse to get herpes from Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. Based on past performance (performance prior to transfer) there is still a chance that Torres comes good or at least makes the price tag not look ridiculous. Based on Carroll’s past performance there seems to be a far greater chance of him ever living up to the price tag. He has a 1/2 season of good performance that has never been replicated. Hell, Peter Crouch is probably worth more than Carroll right now.
    But if you look at future potential, Carroll has much more time to make a dent in his price tag. Torres has a couple seasons and then he is an old striker. He needs to perform now for that price tag and he hasn’t for almost a full year. Carroll has probably 8 years to make it look like a good purchase. Torres has already squandered one year where he was supposed to be good whereas Carroll is still looked at as a future piece.
    I’d say Torres was the bigger and pricier mistake so far because he hasn’t lived up to the expectations. Carroll’s expectations weren’t as outsized and he was expected to improve and grow into the role. Torres has shrank and been cowed by the role. But this is a matter of inches not feet in the bigger mistake measurement.

  6. Orr

    Abramovich looks like he knows he made a mistake in that picture. That, or he’s farting.

  7. WhoNeedsForwards

    I say Chelsea made off worse, because, for as bad as Carroll has been, Liverpoo also got Suarez out of essentially the same money, which makes the other mistake a bit more palatable.

  8. @WNF: Yes, but that’s more of a revisionist history of the transaction. Liverpool intended to pair Suarez with Torres, they have even said that. It just so happened that after the Suarez deal went down, Torres decided he didn’t want in anymore. Liverpool got the money and purchased Carroll and it happened that the remainder just about covered Suarez’s purchase.

  9. WhoNeedsForwards

    Well, okay, Liverpool still ended up better off because they ended up with Carroll and 15 million, which is 15 million more than what Chelsea ended up with, given that each forward is worth approximately crap. That work better?

  10. Phil

    Too ask the question now is ridiculous. Carroll has 8 years or so years to slow his worth. Torres has, basically, now. He won’t get any better than he already is. Think of what Caroll could be in 5-6 years time then compare to Torres today. Then ask the same question.

    I think they overpaid for Carroll, but when everybody knows your sitting on 50mil and need to spend it, your gonna overpay some. It’s what happens when some idiot gives a bunch of cash for past glories.

  11. Precious Roy

    Torres has, basically, now. He won’t get any better than he already is.
    He’s younger than RvP. And while he might not reverse age, he’s still in the prime of his career.
    Think of what Caroll could be in 5-6 years time then compare to Torres today.
    In 5-6 years Carroll might be an average to slightly better-than-average Prem striker. He might have already hit his ceiling. Or maybe he’s just a really really good Championship striker.

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