Unprofessional Foul


January 9, 2012

The Best XI Things About Unprofessional Foul

We need another shirt!

Today was missing a list and any special day here at UF is not complete without a list.  So, don’t forget that The Fan’s Attic is giving you a list when you go to rate us at the end of the day.  (No idea if there is going to be any rating and I hope I don’t go above/below third-rate–not sure which way is better.)

There are many great things about UF.  Almost enough to fill up eleven slots.  So, in reverse numerical order here are TFA’s Best XI Things About Unprofessional Foul.

XI.   The 4-5-2.  This was the NY Kid’s patent pending invention that will soon revolutionize the footballing world.  For now, though, it is kept locked up in his basement only to be let out to play here at UF until its full power is recognized by the world.  I don’t know specifically when the 4-5-2 came about and I am not about to go back through the posts to look for it, but I know it came about when selecting some Best XI list.  A freak discovery like penicillin (which coincidentally is NYK’s most used drug) that came from the UF petri dish.

X.   UF’s ability to not follow through on things or get horribly delayed.  Case in point, today.  Today was supposed to happen two weeks ago. Wrap your mind around that one. I can’t.  Another case in point–Better Know a Traore.  Another case in point–the redesign. It has been in the works for about six months now.  We are great with developing ideas (ask us about Cleats for Feets) but not so great in executing them and/or following through.  Although, credit to us when we do start an idea and realize it is not so great (See goal plus/minus).

IX.  Norfolk Ned/Bigus Dickus.  Seriously, those guys rock.  When I first met BD, I was taken aback.  He was so fervent and hyperactive.  It was a guy mainlining speed but he never crashed.  I’ll admit we’ve had our run-ins since we are both strong-willed when it comes to certain things, but damn if that guy isn’t fun and great.  He was the brains behind the UF screening of The Damned United and the World Cup Foul Up, which were both amazing events.  Or so I have been told.  Residing on the West Coast doesn’t make attending East Coast events very easy.

VIII.  The Foulcast.  This was a great addition to the lineup where we could all spill our inanity out without actually having to write anything.  The fun without the work.  Except for TSE who edited the damn thing.

VII.  Bewbz.  Too many to count.  There have been plenty of great bewbz post from Jessica Jensen to Sophie Houghton to Nereida Gallardo to Eva Roob to Derby County to Nives Celzijus to Meiendorf SV.  ALL NSFW LINKS!  I can tell you that researching those posts was as much fun as writing them.  There are many more, I am sure, and if you have some favorites not here be sure to list them in the comments. [As pointed out in the comments, Cricket & Boobs should not be left out of this list.]

VI. Liveblogs! Liveblogs are some of the most fun you can have while actually writing for UF. In my opinion at least. Unfortunately, they are very time consuming and not conducive to actually enjoying a match in the traditional sense. But they still are fun and I think the liveblogging we have done around here is some of the best. Those Euro 2008 and World Cup 2010 Liveblogging orgies were great. I even took a day off of work to do some liveblogging for Euro 2008.

V.   UF’s pettiness. Boy, we can be a petty bunch at times and we can certainly hold grudges. I’ll not say too much about this because I really shouldn’t bE Proud of things Like this. But, dammit TALKing about it would be so much fun.

IV.  Intelligent Writers.  If I may be indulgent and prideful for a moment, the sheer intelligence and array of knowledge around these parts is pretty incredible.  This goes equally for the writers and commenters.  But, this slot is focused on my fellow writers who have astounded me on a regular basis with their insight and perspective on both the goings on of football and the world writ large.  Some of that came out in the writing on these pages but even more came out on the email threads which only served to improve the quality of my writing.  Truth be told, there were times when we were blogging from the metaphorical parents’ basement because we all have gone through some unemployment at times but there are impressive resumes around here. Certainly ones that put me to shame, not that that is too difficult.

III.  Commenters. You guys and gals are excellent. Some of you have been around forever, some of you have not, but it has never changed the outstanding quality you all bring to the table. Intelligent. Funny. Caustic. Serious. Vulgar. Not trolls. You are everything a blog could want in commenters. While I have to admit that blogging is a bit of a conceit–writing because you have something to say and thinking others actually care–I also admit that I write for you all as well as myself. I always want to bring topics to light that you may find interesting and certainly that I find interesting.  I truly enjoy hearing what you lot may have to say about something because it usually is better than what I can write.  Also, if any of you have blogs or places to comment I’m sure we would all be around to comment at times.  Maybe even a message board if somebody had the skills and wherewithal to set one up.

II.  James T - What can you say about James T? A lot actually. He is the man that got this whole thing rolling. Before UF, I knew James T through commenting at Deadspin since we had similar interests (football) and similar favorite teams (Liverpool). We also wrote briefly for a Deadspin spinoff blog about TV/Music/Movies/Pop Culture and so did NYK. When he approached me about a soccer blog I was all in. It sounded like an excellent thing to do and we actually followed through with it for once. But, it was James T who was the driving force behind it all. And he drove us all to be better writers because he is such a great one himself. He has a special talent for writing that will be around for some time. I’m glad to say that we were partners with this site and honored to have him as a friend.

I.  The UF community. Dusty around here, no? The people who write, read and comment at this site are top notch folk. Even if I haven’t met most of you in person. This blog was about soccer but it was more about the people with a common interest. People that share a similar interest but sometimes have varying viewpoints and analysis. [Had to take a break with all the dust in here.] It was so much fun. It is so much fun. All of it. Even the crappy parts. Although, those aren’t fun until you look back at them. The thing I’m most proud of about UF isn’t something I’ve written. It really isn’t anything tangible. It is the community that was fostered around here. It was so fucking brilliant, intelligent, witty, and fun. It was a treasure being part of it. I even have a T-shirt that I can wear 20 years from now saying I was there even though it is not exactly clear where there is/was. Thank you.

- Jakob (The Fan’s Attic)

PS–I will still be around writing on the intertubez.  I will be contributing semi-regularly to Rick Chandler’s blog over at NBC Sports called Off the Bench on things soccer related.

About the Author

The Fan's Attic


  1. Fuck you for making me cry. I made it this far without crying. Cunt.

    And absolutely brilliant.

  2. Precious Roy

    I’ve said it before, but the fact that we have commenters who write in complete sentences and (generally) with accurate punctuation is one of the things I love most about UF.

  3. jjf3

    Not that it rates above these 11 necessarily, but April Fool’s “Cricket and Boobs” is worth a mention/remembrance.

  4. Andrew

    If James T post isn’t completely illuminating as to today’s proceedings, a la “Take Shelter” or “A Serious Man”, I will be livid.

  5. This is a sad day indeed, now that the inmates are out of the asylum whats going to happen

  6. ivy

    I think you made a wrong letter bold there… 3rd rate indeed.

  7. @jjf3: We had, like, four other ideas for Aprils Fool’s the next year, but all fell through because, I think, nothing could match Cricket and Boobs.

  8. WhoNeedsForwards

    Yeah, it’s great how you haven’t even met the commenter who like lives almost literally down the road, Jakob….lol
    Please note: I don’t actually know if the above is true or not.

  9. Mountain WAG

    Okay, let’s plan on it. A message-board-esque area will be added at UF. Check back soon for additional info.

  10. Mountain WAG

    oh yeah, and I ditto on all that other stuff too. Well done, TFA! (I’m being serious, even though it sounds like I’m not — but I’m trying not to get all sappy, dammit).

  11. son of a bitch. that’s what happens when you write this between depositions. will fix.

  12. Outside Mid

    @ Brian: I think Fan’s Attic summed it up: we were all part of the asylum & will always be running amok regardless.

  13. Wedel

    Wow. I’m seriously bummed about this. I suppose my world view on football is similar to The Fiver’s: passionate without really knowing why and frustrated with the greed of the modern game, lack of jumpers for goalposts spirit, but at same time wondering where the next signing is coming from.

    One blog was able to capture this. One blog had the writers and commentariat to perfectly blend the serious, the passionate and the absurd. And now it’s going away.

    I am not a happy camper. Heading the fridge for a beer; anyone else need one?

  14. @jjf3: yes, cricket and boobs was excellent. I should have worked that in.

  15. The Likely Lad

    @Andrew How did you take the end of Take Shelter? I didn’t think it was entirely illuminating (nor should it have been, really)

  16. @Wedel, already a few in, this whole not starting a new job until Friday is pretty sweet

  17. Andrew

    @Wedel: I could murder one.

    Can we also reflect on how word spread about UF today? I’m still looking for some members of the commentariat to pop up. PradaJames? Hadley?

  18. oh look…cricket and boobs gets its mention.

  19. Andrew

    @TLL: Ironic that in the post where PR talks about writing in complete sentences with correct grammar, I screw up. I meant to say I didn’t think “Take Shelter” was completely illuminating. Nor, as you say, should it have been — but that is a little infuriating to me. Same with, “A Serious Man.” I guess what I’m saying is if James T gets this place all dusty but finishes with an accept-the-mystery-type line, I’m going to start trolling UF.

  20. Wedel

    @Brian: here’s another. Double fist if you have to.

    @Andrew: Aye, here’s one for you too.

    As for how the word spread, I didn’t know anything about today. I caught some of the Napoli game, thought of Orr and decided to check in for the first time in awhile. Had a very crazy 6 weeks or so to end last year and hadn’t been on the intertoobz much.

  21. PradaJames has been following along. He’s mentioned it on Twitter a couple times.

  22. WhoNeedsForwards

    I just came here to mock Arsenal today, which is one of my favourite things to do here. The other is to mock Spurs.

  23. ivy

    I’ve never really thought about it, but given the timelines discussed today I must have started reading this blog within the first 6 months to a year after its inception. Now I’m asking myself why I didn’t I get more involved in the comments. To be completely honest, I don’t think my wit and snark are on par with most of yours. But seriously, this place has informed my entire perspective as a fan.

  24. Luckily, I gave my timeline for my UF love at the beginning of the day. Was that really 15 posts and 11 hours ago?

    We think the word spread because of the Twitters and people started catching on with Wag’s poem, which was excellent.

  25. @Ivy: Dec. 23, 2007. UF’s date of birth.

  26. So was there no SASIC recently to get BG in here for a final hurrah?

  27. Lennon's Eyebrow

    @Wedel: bergkampesdios needs to show his face around here today. Y’alls cheery fuck yous on every post perfectly encapsulates how I feel about this place.

  28. Ned

    Cricket and Boobs. I had a lot of fun making that banner. Good times, like a 5-1 thumping of 1p5wich.

  29. Wedel

    Damn, I miss Berg. I hope I get to tell him “f*uck off” one last time.

    @OM: I remember being pysched when you jumped the wall from commenter to contributor. It was a feeling of UF ramping up, adding staff, becoming a part of the firmament.

    Man, I’m pissed at myself for not being around more.

  30. @Wedel: It is not you. It is us.

  31. Andrew

    Who was that one commenter who said the most vile, bigoted shit? He had a Roberto Mancini avatar, right?

  32. Wedel

    @LE: Yeah, I was just typing the same thing. It was just the perfect mix of clubs, fans, banter. Really like being in one’s local – only it was everyone’s local at the same time.

  33. WhoNeedsForwards

    Yeah, where the hell did bergkamp go…
    And that one Aston Villa guy. I don’t remember who that was, other than thinking maybe it was secretly tom hanks.

  34. WhoNeedsForwards

    Oh, and Ryan, Mr. Man City?

    Did he explode after they got bounced out of the Champion’s League or what

  35. Wedel

    @TFA: I invented “it’s not you, it’s me.” Still …

  36. Wedel

    @WNF: We know one thing: he didn’t fly anywhere.

  37. Lennon's Eyebrow

    @Andrew: His name was Roberto Mancini, no avatar. Just a purple blobby thing. But yeah that guy was amazing.

    @Wedel: Well said sir.

    Yeah, where the fuck is Ryan? And anonsters. He just started showing up again recently. If anyone remembers his email address from the time he accidentally revealed his identity on here, shoot him an email.

  38. I miss Anonsters getting stabby over pretty much everything, but especially short corners that didn’t clear the first defender

  39. Andrew

    @Wedel, LE: Definitely like being at a local. Great analogy. Although we could have done with a Stoke City supporter.

  40. WhoNeedsForwards

    Wait, Stoke have supporters outside of Stoke?

  41. Wedel

    @LE: Thanks. Yeah, I was thinking about Ryan on Saturday as we let 10-man City back into the game; thinking he must have been loving it. To his credit, he was pretty level-headed about the whole thing. I mean, for a City fan.

    I remember we started calling pup, “Dougsters”. But don’t recall the addy.

  42. @WNF, Stoke doesn’t even have supporters in Stoke. They just have people who come to watch real soccer being played against Stoke

  43. Wedel

    Isn’t Slash (from GNR) from Stoke? We should have tried for a celebrity Stoke fan!

  44. Wedel

    @Brian: I miss Pupsters taking entire pages of threads to himself, giving play by play to no one.

  45. dan

    I started reading this place, near as I can tell, around June 2010 (at least that’s the first time I sent a link to a buddy, so it was probably before that sometime). Agreed with everyone else, this place is great, primarily for the writing but also for the comments.

    It was a good time tracking the various UF’ers WC picks (even if the Manc ended up winning).

  46. @Dan: And don’t you forget it.

  47. Dago

    One time, I had to fight for Mountain WAG’s honor after posting an article of her’s about feminism and football after the Women’s World Cup. Unfortunately, I shit the bed, and I see UF’s death as a direct result of that.

    Thanks for being such a wonderful site, with interesting writers, and the humor and wit to allow your writers and readers explore the world of football in the strangest and most interesting ways. I’ll forever remember the poor audio quality of the Foulcast, and always blame The Stretford End for my permanent hearing loss.

    Thanks, you all. I can’t wait to see what you guys get into.

    Dago from Texas

  48. WhoNeedsForwards

    I enjoyed the time someone thought I was anonsters, that was great.
    Anyways, one thing I may take exception with: Your last ever post is accompanied by a picture of Keanu Reeves. This counts as “fail”.

  49. bergkampesdios

    LE – Fuck you, too, buddy. From the heart.

  50. Tno

    *Sigh* I guess it is over. If any of you want to talk about Spurs, Soccer, boobs, Baseball, or boobs I just got a twitter. @SanDiegoYiddo

  51. Tno

    I know I haven’t been coming around as much as I used to, but I’m going to the Spurs vs Wolves game on saturday, and I was going to write a whole big thing about it. I was thinking about sending it to TFA, or James T to see if they wanted to put it up (and edit the shit out of it) but I guess that’s out the window.

  52. You should listen to James T’s post and publish somewhere. Your own blog. A Spurs blog. Anywhere. I was never one to keep a “diary” or journal when I was young but now I wish I had kept something because I can’t remember everything. At least writing it down will keep it someplace where you can look back at it. Shit. Maybe I should listen to my own advice and keep a journal.

  53. MP

    @Tno: check your DM’s on twitter from Brian and LE today.

  54. Man, I just stumbled upon a crazy bunch of commentators.

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