Unprofessional Foul


June 23, 2014

Bootroom Day Whatever: Still Attempting to Un-Crush Our Souls

I don’t know how to recover from yesterday. I feel like we need a national mourning period. In the abstract, we’re still in good shape with 4 points. In reality the likely scenarios, given our group opponents, are not a font of optimism.

We were maybe 15 seconds away. And that it was Cristiano Ronaldo who did it to us. Fuck that guy. Anyway, whereas normally we’d be praising this World Cup for its continually being absolutely bananas and giving thanks that it’s only about half over, today we’re a little sad and not sure what to do with the fact that FIFA is force-feeding us four games.

The early matches are both dead rubbers. Australia and Spain are battling it out for 3rd place (the unlikely subplot that one side can go home in 4th as national heroes who fought hard while the other can go home in 4th as maybe the greatest disappointment ever). The Netherlands and Chile jostle for who they will play in the next round. The winner likely avoids Brazil.

As for the hosts, they face Cameroon, the only team that has been absolute shit in Brazil. I can think of something positive about every team here on their respective displays through two games. Even the Greeks, at least they commit to their dredgery and have gotten a result with it. But not Cameroon. Their players are headbutting each other on the pitch. They’ll be gone after today. And good riddance.

That probably means a draw.

Then there is Mexico. It’s going to be a real gut punch if Mexico, who is only here by the US’s good graces as a bunch of not-quitters, make it out of the groups. Especially after yesterday. A Croatia win puts our neighbors out. Part of me wants CONCACAF to have its best tournament ever and put three teams through. But that part of me died 4 minutes and 45 seconds into extra time yesterday. If I am to feel any emotion today it will be only if the Crozillian can fire home the shot to kill Mexico. Mata El Tri, Eduadro! M├ítalo!

I also reserve the right to be wrong in any of the off-the-top-of-my-head results calculations. I am too despondent to go looking up points totals and goal differences and shit like that right now.

Today is not a fun day to care about the USMNT. But the World Cup goes on. If the malignant turd Sepp Blatter cannot ruin it, then we must be even more powerless in the face of its awe.

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Precious Roy