Unprofessional Foul


June 25, 2014

DAY 14 BOOTROOM: The Day Before The Day We All Care About

Being a zombie website is fun. We have literally no expectations, so getting 500-1,500 views per day doesn’t bother us. We had a discussion on the e-mail thread the other day about how we failed (or sabotaged ourselves) in the monetization phase, mostly because I think we’re all really hipsters at heart.

Anyway, Orr’s new bride was shocked that we never made any money. And it’s true. The paltry sum we made from advertising was never actually paid to us, as the company we aligned with went out of business. That’s $147 that James T never saw, and it means no T-shirts for anyone. Don’t cry for us, though. We’ve all gotten something out of the deal. I got my job at Princeton partly based on one of my UF pieces. We all know how James T has leveraged UF into a burgeoning career at The Worldwide Leader in Sports. TFA got some sweet Nike kicks. But I think Precious Roy put it best:

We have each other, is that not payment enough? I mean punishment. Is that not punishment enough?

So here we are. It’s been fun to see all of you during these first two weeks. Just think, in 17 days, it’ll all be over and we can go back to lamenting UF’s demise again. Sniff…

Why did BG ever move out of Argentina?!

Why did BG ever move out of Argentina?!

The reason I went on this little journey is that the best part of each day for me has been looking at the site’s stats. It’s hilarious how many views we still get on old stuff. To wit, I had forgotten how much I loved Orr’s “I Judge You When You Wear That Jersey” rant, which has been viewed a couple times in the last 24 hours. Seriously, hit the random search button once or twice. You will find some real gems. Glad Mountain WAG and her hubby added that to the site… right before we killed it.

The second-best part of our stats is looking at the top search terms that lead people to UF. For example, this is the list from this morning:

best players of 2014 world cup so far
cristiano ronaldo wife
taylor twellman douchebag
ronaldo wife
taylor twellman lindsay twellman
neymar dislikes
hooker boobpedia
beckham is a wanker

All you need to know about why we never made a lot of money on this site is that one of our top search terms is “hooker boobpedia,” which leads people to NYK’s “Hookers and Lingerie” piece. ¬†Anyway, we thank you for joining in the fun. Let’s get to Groups E and F, shall we?

As Precious Roy put it last night: “Eight goals, two penalties (one late), a red card, an act of human cannibalism…”

And at least 2.5 of the 4 games absolutely sucked yesterday. Italy-Uruguay was a shitty game in almost every respect. Costa Rica-England was mostly a waste. Colombia just bossed Japan. Greece was un-Greece-like but still was mostly boring.

We need some real games today. We need… aw, crap. Group F is first?!

Three of the four teams are alive. The only question is whether Nigeria or Iran get through with Argentina. Here’s the problem: Nigeria is going to lose to Argentina (which hasn’t been spectacular), and Iran will play its park-the-bus-and-counter game against an already-out Bosnia. Basically, here’s the deal: If Nigeria beats Argentina, they win the group (not gonna happen). If Iran beats Bosnia (possible), then it needs Argentina to beat Nigeria by MORE than one goal (also possible) to advance. Nate Silver says Nigeria will advance. So it’ll totally be Iran.

I need some first aid!

I need some first aid!

Maybe I’ll get a lot of work done this morning with these games.

In the later games, we get Group E, which has a lot of permutations. The group also has the French, who have the best uniforms in the tournament, IMHO. I hate liking something French.

This group also has some real fun with it: If Ecuador get through (possible), all six CONMEBOL teams will advance out of the group phase. Home cooking, eh? At the same time, there is a chance (small as it might be) if France kick the shit out of Ecuador and Honduras put it all together for a multi-goal win over Switzerland that the CONCACAF team could become the third to advance, which would also be a first and would put pressure on the USMNT to keep the federation success going tomorrow.

You know what? Who am I kidding. This thread is going to be a Luis Suarez post-mortem (and if they drop the hammer on him today, look out…) and a look ahead to tomorrow’s action, when I WILL BE LIVEBLOGGING THE GROUP G MATCHES!!! (You know why I’m liveblogging them? Because I liveblogged the end-of-group matches for the USMNT in 2010, and I’m a superstitious fuck.)

Enjoy the matches today, thanks for hanging out with us, and we love you all!

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The Stretford End