Unprofessional Foul


June 28, 2014

Day 16 BOOTROOM: Day 1 of the Round of 16 of World Cup 2014

Loyal UF readers know this is a blog that has always been about the numbers, a real data-driven endeavor. We’ve long made it our mission to back up our wit and pithy analysis with cold, hard statistics. Or pictures of WAGs. Whatever works!

Can you feel the intensity?

Can you feel the intensity?

Ok maybe not all of us are statheads, but Precious Roy is a true numbers guy, and he’s the architect of a new post that highlights some interesting numbers regarding age and World Cup success that could give you the upper hand in your next bar conversation with an idiot in a tricorn hat. It will also help me the next time someone says Italy are too old (you know, at the next World Cup).

Who will the numbers favor today in these first matchups of the Round of 16? Who will be the hero? Who will be the person to come up with a better name than Round of 16?

It’s all South America all day, a great moment in hot fan watch history. The hosts come up against perhaps their first truly threatening opponents while dark horses Colombia take on the squad that will not be named (by me). I hope you cleansed your soccer palate with the day off because we’re back to full blown bootroom action. Get in!

There's a Brazilian flag in there. Go ahead. Look closer.

There’s a Brazilian flag in there. Go ahead. Look closer.

12:00 – Brazil v. Chile

Familiar foes get the Round of 16 started off right as an exciting Chile squad and their fantastic support invade Belo Horizonte to challenge Brazil. Neymar is on fire and Scolari has a healthy squad but they have looked far from the most intimidating Brazilian side I’ve seen in my lifetime.

Chile are healthy too and Alexis Sanchez claims there is only one man the underdogs fear. He is a man whose impact on this game we should all fear.

That man is Howard Webb.

In all seriousness, barring a few notable exceptions, like the time that guy bit that other guy and no one did anything, the refereeing has been largely fair to good if you ask me. Let’s hope that, and the generally high level of entertainment from the group stage carries over today.

No more result predictions from me, but I will bet that at least four goals are scored in this match.

Miss Uruguay 2014

Miss Uruguay 2014

4:00 – Colombia v. Asshole Nation

Today, I am Colombian. The Colombians have a chance to right one of history’s greatest wrongs by defeating a team that has profited from the work of a fucking cheater in two successive World Cup tournaments. That cheater won’t play any further part of course, and it may be unfair to vilify the rest of his team because of his actions (though some of them did themselves no honor in their post-match comments), but seriously, fuck those guys.

Colombia are well-rested, having sat numerous starters against Japan, and feature one of the tournament’s best players so far in James Rodriguez. Teofilo Gutierrez probably returns up front but Jackson Martinez is no slouch off the bench, coming off a brace last time out.

Anyone with a sense of justice knows what must happen in Rio today, and I imagine the Brazilian-heavy crowd will be on my, I mean, on Colombia’s side.

Can't go wrong with Colombia.

Can’t go wrong with Colombia.

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