What brought you here?

One of the pleasures of this website has been watching how everyone gets here. Most of you regular readers go with the direct link. That’s satisfying because bookmarks mean you are likely to return. Others come in because of links from other blogs. Most of those just hit up the one page and leave. Not ideal, but it keeps us happy to see certain stories blow up across the web. Still others pop in from social sites, such as Facebook (thanks for the continued linkage, Spinach Dip).

The most entertaining category, however, is the web search. Google is the overwhelming favorite as search engine of choice, and most of the stuff that directs to this site is pretty vanilla. Of course, Eva Roob (NSFW) is pretty popular, as well. Sometimes, though, the search is a little bit different. This post will focus on those.

The first two that caught my eye were a double search for players Issiaka Traore and Alou Traore. These searches undoubtedly found our short-lived (and unfinished) series Better Know a Traore. Part 1 is here, while Part 2 is here. Part 3 is in the ether with that FA Cup of British Rock final. Norwich would have won, just so you know.

Another search that caught my eye is how good do you have to be to get into oxford united. Not entirely sure where this directed to, though this G,B,WTF is a probable. To answer the question: not very good. You do have to register, though, or else your team will lose points.

christmas is for handjobs We agree

unprofessional prone sex Someone does not like his ladies (or men) moving during intercourse. This is where our name gets us in trouble. Or at least dissappoints those who get here.

best hitler i can be Uh, what? I think you get your kids taken away.

what happened to referee hockalee I want to know what happened to commenter hockalees? He pops in from time to time, but is more often seen in DS soccer threads. Oh, and the searcher is looking for the last name Hochuli. Get it right and you’ll find out.

where can i buy the liverpool fragrance Desperation and fear? I don’t know. Have you tried rubbing a dying ferret against your face?

unprofessional pics of vaginas Our name, again, leads to disappointment for the searcher. We only show knockers.

corner kick by pele which hit the wrongly placed goal post I hate it when the goal posts are placed incorrectly, and the blind footballers get confused. Seriously, what was this search for and how did it get here?

And my favorite all-time search, which has shown up repeatedly over the last few months:
Bulgarian watch me fuck or some variation thereof. Last February, Martin Petrov ruined Precious Roy’s fantasy week, and PR vented with this post. Since then, no lie, the above search shows up at least once a week. Bulgarians must be way into dogging.

FA Cup of British Rock – Quarterfinals – Match #4

These are the ground rules: 16 8 teams, each represented by a musician or band who happens to be a supporter. You, our fair reader, vote on who advances. Use whatever criteria you wish: favorite team, favorite band, prettiest uniforms (looking at you Elton), etc. Ballot stuffing is not encouraged, but will be tolerated, because we’re just as corrupt as the real FA. Voting closes this Sunday, July 27.

Some of you might think that the FA Cup of British Rock turned into the NBA Playoffs, creaking along interminably. No, no, no this is all wrong! We are continuing stronger than ever with the fourth and final Quarterfinal match-up. And you know what makes the Internets go into a tizzy? Expletives!! Fuck yeah, we will use any gimmicks it takes to get you to vote! [Slightly NSFW edition coming up after the jump... although your boss would probably be more angry about you wasting time on a blog than wasting time on a blog with bad words... and besides, your boss probably uses these words all the time himself.]

Super Furry Animals, who “Don’t Give a Fuck About Anybody Else” but Cardiff City!

- versus -

Lifelong Arsenal supporter John Lydon, whose Sex Pistols will not to be outdone and are willing to say rude words on the telly!

Fucking-a, I don’t have much else to say. I love the shit out of both these bands, I love Arsenal, I even love Cardiff City because they are Welsh yet play in the Premier League. Plus, the two teams have Aaron Ramsey in common. So, this is going to be a tough motherfucking matchup, heading to penalties no doubt. John Lydon’s pissy attitude versus the Super Furry Animals‘ Power Ranger mask outfit (kind of hard to explain, but trust me). I already told you about the Cuny Cup. I also linked to that interview that Lydon did where he explains his love of Arsenal. Nothing left to do but to turn the voting over to you, our fair reader:

Hey, and don’t forget to vote in the rest of the exciting Quarterfinal matches! You have until Sunday, and then next week we’ll hold the Semis and Final match! Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits!

FA Cup of British Rock: Don’t Forget to Vote!

Just a reminder that it is your Unprofessional Foul duty to vote in the FA Cup of British Rock. The polls close at 5pm on Sunday, with the Quarterfinals scheduled for next week.

There are some tight contests and some potential surprises, so be sure to ballot stuff get your friends to vote as well.

FA Cup of British Rock / Round of 16 – Match #7

These are the ground rules: 16 teams, each represented by a musician or band who happens to be a supporter. You, our fair reader, vote on who advances. Use whatever criteria you wish: favorite team, favorite band, prettiest uniforms (looking at you Elton), etc. Ballot stuffing is not encouraged, but will be tolerated, because we’re just as corrupt as the real FA. Voting for the Round of 16 will close on Sunday, July 20.

We are nearing the end of the Round of Sixteen, but remember that you can keep voting on all of the matches until Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Today’s teams are:

Underrated psych-pop act and diehard Cardiff City FC supporters, the Super Furry Animals

- versus -

Sting, that occasional lute-playing Police frontman turned Newcastle United fan

I have to admit that one of the reasons why I wanted to organize this FA Cup of British Rock was to include photos of Cardiff City players wearing Super Furry Animals-sponsored kits. Just seemed like the right kind of oddball pairing of rock band and footy club. I also looked forward to relaying a couple anecdotes from a good friend in the “music biz” who worked with the Super Furries in the late 90s/early aughts. During their American 2000 tour, funded with oodles of Oasis-generated cash from Creation Records, the Super Furry Animals demanded and received an expensive satellite hookup on their tour bus so they could watch the European Cup. When not watching the actual Euros, they also concocted their own Cuny Cup (it means what you think it does) that was played on their Play Station and featured an extensive schedule of play and a giant trophy made out of tinfoil. So, while the Super Furry Animals’ career might have waned slightly since they sponsored Cardiff City back in 1999-2000 (even though this year’s Hey Venus was generally thought to be a fantastic return to form), they have nonetheless succeeded in inspiring yet another made-up tournament.

What can honestly be said about Sting that hasn’t been said before? Gordon Sumner was a teacher who changed his name to Sting and decided he would form a rock band and so he did form the Police and released “Roxanne” and “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” and “Every Breath You Take” and his bandmates generally thought he was a prick and then he had a solo career and at some point started playing the lute and practicing tantric sex and even worse he gave interviews where he talked about tantric sex but more recently he re-formed the Police and the band played all around the world and his bandmates probably still generally thought he was a prick but I’m sure they were very, very appreciative of the tour income. Oh, and Sting also now supports Newcastle FC seeing as how he grew up in Tyneside, although he supposedly was teased for being a Sunderland fan as a kid. And for anyone who teased Sting as a kid? He bought them and had them fed to lions.