A Moment of Madness

Last night, in the US Open Cup final, DC United goalkeeper Josh Wicks faced a dilemma.  He had just given up the first goal of the match in the 67th minute.  Fredy Montero beat Wicks to a second ball and slotted home just before tumbling over the charging Wicks.  It was at this time that Wicks had to make a quick decision.  Would he:
A) Retrieve the ball out of the nest for a quick restart?
B) Argue with the official about Montero being offside?
C) Get up quickly and run over to Montero, hop in the air, and come down with both feet into Montero’s midsection/thigh, then argue vehemently with the ref that nothing of the sort happened?
D) Cry?

Let’s go to the video and find out.
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Timbers and Sounders Match Had Plenty Of Atmosphere

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

Despite the Portland Timbers’ 2-1 loss to MLS side Seattle, last night’s US Open Cup match at PGE Park in Portland was a good time. MLS executives will probably be drooling over the turnout and genuine soccer atmosphere at last night’s match. The game was a sellout according to reports, although I did notice a space to fit in more people in the stands, not including the tarped off top 10 rows. (Who knows exactly why they did not open those seats up.) There was great fan support, and the match turned out to be pretty good despite Seattle not dressing some of its bigger names.

Sounders fans made the trek down to Portland to root on their team in large numbers standing outside the northeast entrance chanting quaint things like “We hate Portscum” and other things like that. Nobody ever said Seattle fans were very creative or smart.

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

Joining the Sounders fans were lots of people trying to buy and sell tickets. Tickets were reportedly sold out and there was actually a ticket scalping market for a US Open Cup match in Portland. Amazing. It’s unclear whether the scalpers were actually making money but I did hear one guy offer $45 for two tickets which were presumably the $12 general admission tickets ($17 on the day of the game).

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

Even the viewing deck of the swanky Multnomah Athletic Club (MAC) on the south side of the field was packed with non-paying spectators. (For some reason the MAC members are all allowed to watch events at PGE Park without paying for tickets, there must be some sort of deal going on.) Fans lined the street on the west to get
a free peep at the action as well.

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

Inside most everything was orderly and I grabbed seats in a section right above the Timbers Army (TA) behind the north goal. TA was revved up for this match singing well before the match began, even doing a little chant for Timbers owner Merritt Paulson as he walked out on the pitch. Paulson gave a little wave and clap because he knows TA really helps sell his product.

There were even distasteful signs from the TA. A “Knulla Ljungberg” banner, which a quick google tells me is roughly “eff Ljungberg.” It seems the sex was a little too rough as Seattle’s DP was out injured for the match. Another one, shown earlier, exhorts University of Portland alum Kasey Keller to “Do the Cobain” with a shotgun drawing to further illustrate that they didn’t mean become a hugely successful musician with an icon status. (Note: I found this to be in pretty poor taste, but I’m not one who can really be a judge of taste.)

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

The now-retired Timber Jim made two appearances. One in the flesh and one in cardboard. The latter being a giant Timber Jim carboard cutout, complete with chainsaw, cutting down the Space Needle. Needless to say, that was quite good. Unfortunately, I was behind it and it looked more like some weird fetish act, but there is a good video of it here.

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

Aaaach…They’re heeeere!

After all of that, the game started. Seattle jumped on Portland with a goal in the first minute of the match after some poor marking left Roger Levesque free to head home the opener. During the goal celebration Nate Jaqua mimicked chopping Levesque down with an axe. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Portland looked rather ragged in the first half. It could not maintain possession and its backline looked like Real Madrid’s against Barcelona. Seattle earned its second goal in the 27th minute as Stephen King knocked in a goal from the 18 that ricocheted off the left post and into the net. A sublime shot after the loose ball Portland could not close down.

Portland pulled one back in the 43rd minute when a loose ball was poked in by Mandjou Keita. It was nice heads up play by Portland’s one decent offensive force. Keita narrowly missed a header in the eighth minute going only inches wide of Keller’s post. If it had not been for Keita’s goal before half, I fully expected the match to favor Seattle 4-0 or 4-1.

The second half was a much better affair as Portland started to maintain some possession, but lacked the quality in the final third. Portland’s left back was dire, though. Missing markings and arguing about offside calls when he was caught ball watching. Portland had several good buildups but was never able to make the final pass or pull the trigger at the correct time.

Sigi Schmid, Seattle’s manager, sensed some danger and inserted Fredy Montero, the Colombian rookie who has looked very promising this season. Montero was clearly a cut above the rest but he tried to do too much on his rather than work within the system. Lots of flash yesterday, but not much to show for it. Little did Portland fans know that the “Montero, no means no” chant could soon be directed at Nate Jaqua.

As the game went along, Seattle started with its stalling tactics. Sanna Nyassi, who previously played for Portland, flopped on the ground in the corner like a fish out of water. Nobody was around him and he just rolled around on the ground like somebody was rending his flesh. Portland’s keeper, Steve Cronin, was very upset with Nyassi’s histrionics. Yelling and gesticulating at him so much the ref waved him away. Then Nyassi continued to roll around to put out a non-existent fire.

Unfortunately, some fan decided to peg him with a water bottle. Deserving or not, that just cannot happen. But, it gave Cronin an excuse to run over at Nyassi, yell some more and pick up the water bottle. On his way back, Cronin gave the Timbers Army a nice smile and discrete thumbs up it appeared, but it was tough to tell. There was no debate that he was pleased that Nyassi had gotten a little comeuppance for his high school dramatic acting.

Despite the loss, TA continued to sing until the final whistle. I captured some video on my new phone, here and here. Overall, it was a successful piece of marketing for the Timbers and nice sales pitch as the team tries to convince Portland to pony up funds for a makeover for PGE Park. It had everything; a packed house, boisterous fans and enjoyable atmosphere. About the only thing more you could have asked for was a victory. That will come when the financial power is more equal.

Nate Jaqua Will Have Significant Legal Bills In His Future

After his Seattle Sounders won its US Open Cup match against its northwest rival Portland Timbers last night Nate Jaqua was probably riding high. But, allegations of sexual assualt that have surfaced today in his hometown of Eugene, Oregon may be a real downer. A former University of Oregon female soccer player is accusing Jaqua of sexual assault in a civil suit.

The victim claims she and other teammates were at a popular Eugene hangout in 2007 with Jaqua, who was discussing with them the differences between MLS and college soccer. Jaqua, she alleges, insisted on walking her home and then he sexually assaulted her ” penetrat[ing] her vagina and anus with his fingers and penis, and then ejaculated and urinated on her.” The accuser is seeking $10 million in damages.

Ugh…this does not sound good.

Jaqua is the second Sounder this season to face sexual assault allegations, although these are civil and not criminal. Colombian Fredy Montero was accused of sexual assault earlier this season but those allegations never led to charges.

Timbers v. Sounders, US Open Cup

From Timbers v. Sounders US Open Cup

I just got home from the Portland Timbers v. Seattle Sounders Third Round match in the Lamar Hunt US Open Cup. It was a disappointing 2-1 loss for the hometown Timbers, but it was a great game and atmosphere. I’ll try to write a bit up tomorrow and put some more photos up, but right now I’ll give you the above banner at the game that was down in front of me in the Timbers Army. It’s backwards but I’m sure you can figure it out.

After the jump a brief video of the Timbers Army singing/chanting in the dying moments of the game.

Where’s Autoglass?

We showed you something scary and unnerving this morning and we are coming right back at you with something scary and unnerving this afternoon. Although, it is scary and unnerving for different reasons. Namely the fact that Chelsea is involved. There are no near deaths this time you will be glad to know, but give the people time and surely you can see how they will die.

As part of its summer pocket lining tour, Chelsea will be playing an exhibition match with the MLS Seattle Sounders on July 18, 2009. Chelsea fans will be showing up for the match and apparently they aren’t all nouveau riche, martini sipping glory chasers, there are some decidely white trash-tastic supporters of Spartak London who plan to bring the pain to Seattle, as you can see below. Or at least bring failed attempts to be clever to Starbucks ground zero which The Beautiful Game details.

That Chelsea guy on the left is clearly an unemployed Chelsea messageboarder who wore his good sweats to picture day. The guy on the right, it might just be Autoglass, I’m not sure.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy some good Seattle hate as much as the next Portlander, but come on, let’s be a little better than this.

Sounders Players Dominate Initial All-Star Votes

Seattle Sounders fans are showing the perils of fan based all-star voting. Granted it is only one week into the MLS All-Star voting, but as it stands there would be eight Sounders players in the starting eleven.

Seattle goalkeeper Kasey Keller leads all players in voting. Other Seattle players in the starting eleven as of right now: Frederick Ljungberg, Fredy Montero, Steve Zakuani, Osvaldo Alonso, Tyrone Marshall, Jhon Kennedy Hurtado and Sebastian Le Toux. The only non-Sounders are LA Galaxy’s Landon Donovan, Toronto FC’s Dwayne De Rosario, and Columbus Crew’s Frankie Hejduk.

Seattle Sounders fans have obviously set the bar high for other fans with their committed attendance and support of the players. Although, I would like to know how many actual votes have been received.

Amazingly, MLS permits fans to vote up to 10 times per day. Thankfully, MLS only has fan voting count for 25% of the total vote, with media, general managers and coaches comprising the remaining 75%.

Do They Have Nice Jails in Seattle?

The Seattle P-I (which I believe is now an online-only daily newspaper) is reporting that Seattle Sounders FC wunderkind Freddy Montero is being accused of stalking and sexual assault.

“According to a law enforcement report about the incident, the 23-year-old woman told police on March 31 that she saw Montero in a car near her home in Sammamish. The report stated that she feared for her safety because Montero allegedly had sexually assaulted her in Bellevue the week before on March 22, which she had reported to the Bellevue Police Department.”

Umm, yeah. That doesn’t sound too good.

Montero, who had 3 goals in his first 2 matches, did not travel with Seattle for the their match tomorrow against Toronto. A spokesperson for the team stated this is due only to the fact that Freddy has the flu, and that while they are aware of the allegations they support their budding star and will have no comments on an ongoing police investigation.

Both the Bellevue PD and the King’s County Sheriff’s Office have declined to comment, although the former have admitted that they are investigating a sexual assault that took place on March 22, 2009. The Seattle P-I noted that no charges have as yet been filed against Montero, and there is no record of an arrest by either law enforcement agency. In addition, the Sheriff’s Office has stated that a brief investigation concluded that no crime had been committed on March 31st (the date of the alleged stalking offense).

So what is really going on here? The Sounders’ first match was against the NY Red Bull on March 19th and was held in Seattle, so Freddy was almost certainly in town on March 22nd (which was a Sunday). Perhaps Freddy was out celebrating his brace and met the young woman in question? The Sounders’ next match, against Real Salt Lake on March 28th, was also held in Seattle. So again, Freddy was most likely still in town on March 31st (this past Tuesday). Maybe he thought he would drive over and see if he could recapture the romance?

Obviously, these are still just allegations, and as with any case involving high-profile (alright, semi-profile) athletes we may never know the truth. There will be some who insist that this young woman chased after Freddy to “bed a star” (if any sexual contact even occurred) and then regretted her choice, while others will insist that Freddy’s ego got the best of him and he wouldn’t take “NO” for an answer. The fact that Freddy seems to have been cleared of the stalking charge does not mean that the allegation of sexual assault is false. But unfortunately the fact that a sexual assault has been alleged does mean that the allegation is true.

One thing is for certain – this story will definitely get bigger over the next few days.

Added bonus: Freddy Montero’s father was apparently a police officer in Colombia.

Football follows futbol

The Seattle Seahawks unveiled their new third jerseys yesterday. Why do we care? No, this is not the start of a second day of alternate sports here on UF. We care because it seems that the Seahawks have decided to follow the lead of the most successful (winning percentage-wise) franchise in city history–Seattle Sounders FC.

Initially, I was a little skeptical over these new pictures, simply because of the date that they were leaked out. But hell, everyone else online seems to think they are legit, so we will just go with it. Shield your eyes, here it comes.

Wouldja look at that? That is a mighty funny looking soccer shirt. What with the numbers on the front and all.

Except that it isn’t a soccer shirt of course. This is the top of the local soccer club.

Yes, Seattle Sounders FC–a club that has all of two official matches in its history–has influenced the local American Football team enough to adopt its colors.

Now, this could be a cross-marketing promotion. Both teams are owned by Paul Allen, Chairman of Charter Communications. (He also had something to do with Microsoft, I think.) Can’t you just see a weekend where the city goes green? Some environmental rally followed by a doubleheader of sorts–Sounders game on Saturday, Seahawks on Sunday. The NFL has not released a schedule yet, but look for this to happen either on the weekend of September 19 or October 24, since those are the last two home dates for the Sounders this season.

NY Red Bull v. Seattle Sounders: Your MLS Liveblog

The 2009 MLS season kicks off (get it?) with last year’s suprise contender, the NY Red Bull, against this year’s publicity darling, the expansion franchise Seattle Sounders FC. The latter are under the direction of new gaffer Sigi Schmid, who lead the Columbus Crew to the MLS title last year. They make their entrance in a big way tonight, with a sold-out Qwest Field and a highlighted match on ESPN2 (available in HD!). Unfortunately, this match also goes up against 4 first-round matchups from March Madness (although odds are good that 2 of those games will be done before kick-off). Loopy from too much basketball today? Join in down below!

Seattle come into this match with a bit of uncertainty about their squad. Vagenas (stop giggling) is out, while Ljunberg and Zakuani are questionable. Luckily for them, Montero is back from South America after clearing up his visa issues. NY, on the other hand, come into the match at full strength, minus back-up keeper Conway due to his suspension for a substance abuse violation which keeps him out until April 11th.

The expected line-up for Seattle is:
GK – Keller
DEF – Riley; Ianni; Marshall; Sturgis
MID – King; Evans; Alonso
ST – Montero; Jaqua; Le Toux

The expected line-up for NY is:
GK – Cepero
DEF – Goldthwaite; Petke; Mendes
MID – Hall; Ubiparipovic; Sassano; Richards; Rojas
ST – Kandji; Angel

20 minutes until kick-off, and neither ESPN nor MSLnet have the actual starting line-ups. Glad to see that they are on the ball.

O/U on Drew Carey appearances: 7
O/U on Drew Magary appearances: 1

So, given his recent smack-talk, what is the projected beatdown that the Galaxy put on the Sounder in their first match?

5 minutes until kick-off, and ESPN and MLSnet still don’t have the starting line-ups. Way to promote the game!

Everyone hold on – I am going to liveblog this match on Facebook, using Twitter, through my cell phone.

So, if this NIT game goes to overtime, the MLS match gets screwed, right?

Audio cut to Stoner, who tells the NIT game to Hurry The Fuck Up!

OK, we officially have:
Red Bull NY
1 – Danny Cepero (GK)
2 – Kevin Goldthwaite
4 – Carlos Mendes
8 – Sinisa Ubiparipovic
9 – Juan Pablo Angel
10 – Macoumba Kandji
12 – Mike Petke
13 – Jorge Rojas
19 – Dane Richards
23 – Juan Pietravallo
27 – Andrew Boyens

Seattle Sounders:
18 – Kasey Keller (GK)
3 – Brad Evans
6 – Osvaldo Alonso
7 – James Riley
9 – Sebastien Le Toux
14 – Tyrone Marshall
17 – Fredy Montero
20 – Zach Scott
21 – Nate Jaqua
23 – Sanna Nyassi
34 – Jhon Kennedy Hurtado

00:00 – Buckle up, kids!

00:00 – First Drew Carey appearance. And, whoa, that’s a lot of bright green.

00:00 – Light banter between Stoner and Alexi Lalas, who just doesn’t look right with short hair.

00:00 – Oh, good. Let’s talk about Beckham some more.

00:01 – And we’re off! Finally.

00:40 – Red Bull dominating possession. All 1 minute of it! Ubiparivpovic (Ubi from now on) goes down, but no call. Seattle throw leads to nothing.

02:20 – It has been noted (rightly) that Seattle’s kits provide perfect camoflage against the pitch. Perhaps that is why they are missing each other with their passes?

03:20 – Alonso runs over Rojas, who looks like someone just kicked his dog. The resulting free-kick is wasted.

04:30 – First good touch from Montero is well-taken, and he is fouled. This kid could definitely be something special. Ball eventually comes into Cepero, who collects it easily.

06:10 – A Stooge-like pass from Seattle goes out for a NY throw. The ball goes up the line to absolutely nobody. Sloppy on both sides, but Nyassi eventually gets off a shot that Cepero takes easily.

07:20 – Ball comes into to the box to Montero and Petke muffs the first clearance, but manages to get a boot on it and put it out.

08:25 – Ball into Angel, but he is offsides. We travel to the other end where Montero tries to get onto the end of long pass but Petke ushers the ball out for a goal kick.

11:00 – GOAL! Seattle 1-0 Red Bull. The Sounders work the ball well around the top of the box and Montero puts the ball across the goal to the far post. Cepero looked a little lost in goal. Assist from Le Toux.

12:00 – Alonso picks up a YC as he trips Angel at the top of the box. The resulting kick is well over the bar.

14:00 – The ball squirts down the touchline to Nyassi (as the Red Bull defender falls over), but Jaqua puts the shot just wide of the goal.

15:40 – Defensively, NY are looking a little overwhelmed. Their marking is poor, but on the positive side their passing is…poor?

17:20 – NY get a corner kick after Scott (who is looking a little lost himself) can’t keep the ball inbounds. The kick goes to the far post and Nyassi puts it out for a throw. The next ball comes into the box but is headed clear.

19:50 – As Nyassi runs past Goldthwaite, the latter reaches out and grabs him for a YC.

21:20 – Kandji, who looks a bit like Drogba, is fouled by Hurtado. The free-kick comes out to Richards who dribbles into the box and then puts it over the endline.

22:00 – Drew Carey sighting #2!

22:35 - Nyassi abuses Goldthwaite again, and gets off a shot, but it is stopped by Cepero.

23:00 – A ball over the top from Le Toux is well-take by Cepero at the edge of the box for the clearance. The ball comes back again and Montero shoots wide.

24:30 – GOAL! Seattle 2-0 Red Bull. Cepero is absolutely abused like a rented mule as Evans receives the ball in the box and nutmegs him.

26:30 – Alonso wins a free-kick after some mild contact and a Pederson-like dive. The kick comes into the box where Cepero takes it after muffing his first touch.

28:40 - Riley receives a ball over the top in the box, but his centering pass is cleared. Seattle is absolutely running roughshod over the Red Bull.

30:06 – Le Toux gets off a shot that is deflected up into Cepero’s arms. Surprisingly, he holds on to it.

31:30 – After some extremely poor passing from NY, they luck when the ball hits Murtado in the arm. He gets a YC and the Red Bull get a free-kick at the top of the box. Rojas puts it into the wall.

33:30 – It’s Richard Alpert v. John Legend on the pitch!

35:30 – Nyassi is played through and is barely offside. Lucky for Cepero, because the keeper grabbed Nyassi as he shot past him. Oh, and we had Drew Carey sighting #3.

37:20 – Richards goes down as he tries to cross and the ball comes back into his face.

39:00 – I saw better passing last night in the game before mine in my rec league. It was a U-10 girls match.

40:00 – John Harkes says it was a “probing, teasing, ball.” He must have spent last night with Lance Armstrong.

41:01 – Corner kick for Seattle taken by Le Toux. He doesn’t get it up high enough, and Angel puts it out for a throw. The next ball is cleared out to midfield.

42:30 – Shot from Le Toux goes over the bar. The Frenchman, last year’s USL MVP, is looking more comfortable as the match progresses.

43:50 – Throw in deep for NY, and the ball comes in to the box only to be cleared by Le Toux.

44:50 – I do believe that Harkes’ favorite word is “suspect”, as he has now referred to the passing in this match as “suspect” at least 8 times.

HALF-TIME – Seattle 2-0 Red Bull. NY started well for the first 5-10 minutes, but then the Sounders started to exert control. 3 Drew Carey sightings, and from the look and sound of things, I do believe that “Green Street Hooligans” was given to each member of the crowd as a model for their scarf-wearing, chanting behavior.

Stoner asks Garber his impresison of the first half. Response – “it’s what I hoped soccer could be in this country.” I hope he’s talking about the fan support in Seattle, because the product on the pitch is shite.

Garber’s promised revelation doesn’t come, as he doesn’t specifically state who is getting the next franchise. They promptly show a shot of Portland as Garber says he is moving south for the announcement. Smooth. What a well-kept secret.

SIDE NOTE: I believe that Daniel Negreanu and Phil Ivey have a serious gambling addiction.

QUESTION: Why doesn’t the women’s NCAA tournament have a play-in game between #64 and #65?

45:00 – Borman on for Ubiporipovic (NY). Boyens had come on for Hall at some point in the first half, but I was napping.

46:30 – A Delap-like throw from Goldthwaite causes some minor confusion, but Seattle clear.

47:50 – Corner from Rojas for NY gets pushed to the top of the box. Shot goes wide.

51:10 – Ball into the box for Seattle and Cepero comes out well for it.

52:38 – some nice work gets the ball to Angel at the top of the box, but Seattle clear all the way out to Le Toux, who was in alone but gets stopped by Hall.

53:30 – Wait! Nate Jaqua is white?

55:05 – Harkes wants Seattle to “tease NY before penetrating.” Sick bastard.

57:00 – Oh good. The Sounders fans have started the generic “Ole. Ole, Ole, Ole.” chant.

59:20 – Yet another ball into the box for Seattle. It’s cleared down the line and the Red Bull force a corner on the counter-attack. The ball is played in to the 6, and Keller takes it easily.

SIDE NOTE: As a GK, I have never once worn long pants. Thus, Kasey Keller is a nancy.

60:30 – Angel plays a nice through-ball, but Kandji is offsides.

62:00 – A very nasty tackle on Angel by Scott, but he gets away without a card. Studs up nasty. The free-kick is cleared by Nyassi.

64:30 – Good work from Seattle, but the ball bounces around in the box and Le Toux gets caught offside.

SIDE NOTE: Bigus would like everyone to know that Harkes is talking out his ass, as he stated that Ljunberg has played as a second striker throughout his career, which Bigus maintains is false.

67:00 – Another YC for the match. I missed who it was to, as I was following Bigus’ directions.

67:45 – #1 draft choice Zakuani in for Nyassi.

68:00 – Kandji in on goal and Keller absolutely stones him.

70:00 – A nice ball to the back post from Richards to Angel comes back across the goal and is cleared. The ball eventually winds up to Rojas who gets off a great shot, which Keller barely tips over the bar. The following corner is taken easily by Keller.

71:00 – A Seattle counter leads to Zakuani getting the ball near the spot, but Cepero comes up big to deny him. The corner is taken by Le Toux, but Cepero grabs it.

72:30 – Richards leads with the elbow in going up for a header and Keller takes the resulting free-kick, which goes over the opposite touchline for a goal kick.

SIDE NOTE: u75 also wore pants in goal. He is also nancy.

74:22 – GOAL! Seattle 3-0 Red Bull. Montero gets a brace as he walks the ball up to the top of the box after dispossessing Petke and faking out Cepero.

76:35 – We have to assume that Montero is now on pace to score 132 goals this season.

78:22 – A long pass into the box for Angel is cleared by Riley. The throw goes back down the line and winds up played out by Seattle. Montero gets taken down on the counter, but it’s only a throw, rather than a free-kick. Sigi Schmid complains to the 4th official about the tackle, and the center ref comes over to admonish him.

81:00 – The passing from NY has been atrocious throughout most of this match. Goldthwaite and Jaqua get tangled up and roll around on the floor. Harkes informs us that they are fine. WHEW!

81:00 – A nice ball from Le Toux is wasted, as neither Jaqua nor Alonso can get on to the end of it.

83:50 – Richards gets in to the box and then goes down like a geriatric hooker around Wayne Rooney. No PK is given, and he looks dejected.

85:00 – Seattle get even more pressure at the top of the box, and NY are unable to clear. The ball finally trickles out for a Red Bull throw.

87:20 – Another ball into the box from Le Toux, and Cepero does well to get a hand on it and push it clear of danger.

89:00 – Rojas dribbles through half of the Seattle midfield and then crosses wide. NY again fail to do anything with their work and are forced to retreat to midfield.

90:30 – Montero off to a standing ovation for his brace. Levesque comes on in his place.

91:50 – Alonso takes a shot that is well over the crossbar, which Harkes says “is not a bad strike.” It’s the last touch of the match.

FULL-TIME: Seattle 3-0 Red Bull. Impressive brace from Montero, and Seattle is off to a good start. NY, on the other hand, are shite.

Drew Carey: Funnyman, Shit Talker

Doesn’t most bulletin board material come from athletes?

When you think the last time Drew Carey ran toward anything that wasn’t a cheeseburger?

But, hey, there’s the part owner (and from what I gather, his part is very small) of the Seattle Sounders calling out the LA Galaxy:

“I think the expansion team this year actually is the Galaxy and not us. I said that to all my Riot Squad friends. You’re the ones scrambling to put a team together, didn’t know who was playing for you day-to-day…They’re coming from a big mess, they’re the expansion team.”

Yeah, LA is a bit of a mess—and yeah, it is a large source of entertainment—but they do have Landycakes, who is probably better than anyone on the Seattle roster. And they’ll get Goldenballs in midseason, who, even when he’s half-assing it, still has better deadball service than anyone in MLS.

Isn’t Freddie Ljungberg already hurt? If not. He will be by halftime of the opener. Sure he’s a name, but he’s not what he used to be not even close, or West Ham wouldn’t have let him go last season. The Sounders do have an experienced striker in Nate Jaqua and a solid keeper in Kasey Keller, although also not what he once was.

But we’re digressing. This isn’t a breakdown of the two teams so much as a ‘Holy crap, the part owner is talking trash.’ Careful Drew. Tom Cruise is a fan of the Galaxy. He’ll pull some voodoo Scientology shit on your ass and you’ll never work in LA again. Either that or he’ll make a couple of calls to CAA and the studio heads.

Quick Throw: 2009 MLS Cup Host Named

The 2009 MLS Cup hosting privilege has been given to the expansion Seattle Sounders club. I’m not sure that November weather in Seattle will be a big draw, but I’ll be there anyway. It’s only a three hour drive for me and I’m sure tickets will not be that difficult to obtain.

And With Freddie Ljungberg’s Injury Problems He’ll Soon Be Starting

Is everyone in the Seattle area either a coder or a barista (well, everyone whose not a smack addict)?

The Seattle Sounders finished their federally mandated “Sounders Super Search” competition over the weekend—you know, the PR building exercise where the local team gives a spot to an average schmoe. And the winner was a 20-year-old guy who works at an espresso stand.

Even better, he was born in Brazil, which already makes him better than Denilson.

His name is Vinicius Oliveira. From a pool that had been reduced to 10 men, he and Junior Garcia—really, I’m starting to think this whole competition never happened and the information is simply the result of some stereotype Mad Lib—faced off in a 1-on-1 battle royale to the death.

Service for the vanquished will be held Thursday at Memorial Gardens. The family requests instead of flowers that donations be made to… Okay, there was no actual death involved. Garcia even outscored Oliveira 5-3 but apparently there were other criteria involved in the final decision. So Garcia gets to go back to his job at Boeing (I assume).

After winning Oliveira told local television “I’m ready for this.” How did he know? “God told me I’m ready for this.”

What a coincidence, God told me to blog about it. But he also told me you’ll likely spend all season on the bench.

Viva! Sea-Tac (Warning, mp3 link).

Ljungberg: Another Great MLS Signing

Get used to this sight Seattle.

Freddie Ljungberg, underwear model extraordinaire, is the Seattle Sounders designated player signing. Undoubtedly, he will prove to be a sage acquisition that will help the Sounders reach above the depths of last place in its inaugural season. He will provide star power, skill and will be an ever-present. Or maybe not.

Ljungberg just went under the knife for a torn labrum and will be out 10-12 weeks. How did Ljungberg get this injury? I don’t know. But, I do know he hasn’t played since Euro ‘08. His former club West Ham bought him out prior to the start of the EPL (Suck it Barclay’s) season.

If you recall another underwear model designated player signing started off his MLS career injury plagued. How’s that one turned out?

Maybe Ljungberg is angling to get a loan deal with Sampdoria.

Now If They Only Had A Coach

Well, the Seattle Sounders now have more than just Kasey Keller and Freddy Ljungberg to call their own*.

Kinda hard to be competitive with just two players, so the Sounders went and pillaged the rosters of the other clubs and cribbed some players. It’s okay, it was all above board as the nice folks at MLS actually let them do this for today’s expansion draft.

Specifically, the fourteen other MLS teams were allowed to protect 11 players (not positive on that but I’m too lazy to go look it up this close to the end of the shortened week) and the rest were available for the Sounders to choose from, but one per team and from only 10 teams total (There’s a complete list of unprotected players here).

I’m not sure I could have written that in a more confusing manner. Anyway, here’s the list of players (and their respective clubs) selected today by the Sounders. Follow along after the jump:

Nate Jaqua (Houston)
Brad Evans (Columbus)
Stephen King (Chicago)
Jeff Parke (New York)
James Riley (San Jose)
Khano Smith (New England)
Jarrod Smith (Toronto)
Nathan Sturgis (Salt Lake City)
Peter Vagenas (Los Angeles)
Tyson Wahl (Kansas City)

Jaqua isn’t too much of a surprise as the word floating around was that, as part of the deal for his return to Dynamo in the summer, he wanted to be able move back closer to home in the Pacific Northwest (he’s from Eugene). But it’s still a good pick-up. He’s a big, physical guy with a decent touch and good finishing skills by MLS standards.

Other notable names include Jeff Parke from NY and Peter Vagenas from L.A. Notable isn’t necessarily good, but we’ll refrain from editorializing blatantly. There is also the straight confusing. Jarrod Smith? You sure you picked the right Smith from Toronto (hint: Johan is better)?

*Okay four. They also had Sanna Nyassi and Sebastien Le Toux before today’s draft.