Brace Yourselves For More Red Knights… (UPDATED)

A Red(-Headed) Knight, Who Also Bears an Uncanny Resemblance to John Arne Riise

Whether you applaud their crusade or not, you can bet that the Red Knights of Manchester, are bedding down for the long haul. The propaganda is ratcheting up, despite the Glazers showing no inclination whatsoever to sell (it’s not something they do very often, you know); stop this roller-coaster, I want to get off.

It’s not enough that the Red Knights, a glitzy consortium of wealthy United fans, have their own Sons of Shankly-esque nuisance in MUST. Not even close. This weekend, the Red Knights announced that they have the support of someone much, much more important than a supporters’ group: Sir Alex Ferguson himself.
READ MORE

Why Are The Scottish So Jealous?

Apparently Bradley needs help.

…So they spend every other summer pretending football doesn’t exist, their domestic league is rubbish–even the greatest Scottish managers think so; But do football managers from north of the border working in England really have to bite the hand that feeds? They hate the country they live in that much? Want to see the people around them miserable?

Why are Scottish people so desperate to see England fail? They don’t like us–I get it–I don’t like them either when it comes to football, but seriously…

READ MORE

QT: Ferguson Loans Welbeck to Ferguson

Alex Ferguson is such a kind dad, as evidenced by his late Xmas gift to son and new Preston North End manager, Darren. It’s the gift of striker Danny Welbeck, released to the Colaship club on loan until the end of the season. Welbeck, who has 5 goals in 24 appearances for United, is also Darren’s first signing at Deepdale, so it’s especially cute, like when your dad takes you at age 16 to a brothel so you can pop your cherry (wait, that didn’t happen to you?). He’s helping you on your way, and SAF’s present to his son should help. Maybe Darren’s second signing could be Michael Owen.

Danger Danger, Ferguson!

'80s hair metal group Danger Danger does not approve of Sir Alex Ferguson's post-game comments

Sir Alex Ferguson has again tempted fate by railing against Mark Clattenburg after Man U’s tepid draw to Birmingham.  Luckily for Ferguson, here fate is the English FA and lo and behold they harrumphed that they have “noted” Fergie’s post-game comments, but that disciplinary actions are unlikely.

The incident in question was a second yellow card against Darren Fletcher. Having watched the match, I thought it was a harsh sending off, definitely a foul against Jerome but probably not the bookable “cynical” trip that Clattenburg claimed.  But the ref was on the pitch to see it happen, and Clattenburg had also given Fletcher a previous warning to behave himself.  That’s football for you… Sometimes the harsh call goes your way, sometimes it doesn’t.

Here were was [sorry... end of the day means me no type good] Ferguson’s response:

READ MORE

You’ve Got Some Nerve!

Vidic will be happy he doesn't have to get kicked by Lee Bowyer this weekend.

It’s another 10 days out for Nemanja Vidic as the Serbian defender tweaked a nerve during the warm-ups for Manchester United’s FA Cup disaster against Leeds last weekend.

As a result, Vidic will miss today’s game against Birmingham at St Andrews and the game with Burnley at Old Trafford next week.

“We sent him to a specialist on Wednesday and the problem will be solved by some exercises. He felt a bit of a problem with the right side of his leg and didn’t feel confident about playing the game. I understand that because it was quite painful. He should be back in about 10 days’ time.” – Fergie.

Fergie has been without his top two center halves for quite a while now; Ferdinand has been out for months with a back injury.

Meanwhile, all of the newspaper reports this week about Gary Neville retiring are apparently a “load of nonsense”. Fergie has dismissed the news and says that no decision on Neville has been made. I wonder where all the tabloids got the news? Maybe seeing the 35 year old huff and puff in vain as League One players made a fool of him last weekend made his retirement decision a no-brainer!

Least Surprising News Ever

Sir Alex Ferguson was unhappy at losing to Leeds yesterday, so he ran his mouth about the referee’s timekeeping. It’s a standard SAF practice: when we win, praise the officials, and when we lose, blame the bastards for everything.

It only makes sense that the FA would not punish him for his transgressions, despite that two-game suspended sentence currently blowing in the wind. Justice for all.

Refs No Longer Understand ‘Fergie Time’.

Are the days, hours and minutes of Fergie time numbered?

In the past, EPL referees have been Man United manager Sir Alex ‘Fergie’ Ferguson’s best friend. The added time at the end of games at Old Trafford is famously known as ‘Fergie time’ as referees notoriously appear to add time to the end of the game if United are not winning. Over the years many opposition managers and fans have scrutinized and complained about the special time treatment Manchester United appear to have enjoyed at home.

But this weekend Fergie may have shot himself in the foot. You see, United lost at home to Villa on Saturday and Ferguson was furious that there was only three minutes of added time and not four, as his side searched for an equalizer at 1-0 down. So mad was the fiery Scotsman that he has called for a change in the time keeping process. Fergie now wants another party to be the official time-keeper.

“It has to be taken out of the referee’s hands. There were two stoppages of two minutes three seconds, but we only played three minutes added time.” – Sir Alex.

Another party, in charge of the clock? To make sure that no extra time is added on or missed? LOVE IT. But who will suffer most? Fergie of course!  Funny how he enjoys the extra time not earned as his team snatches late goals, but bitches on the very rare occasions that he is short changed. Well Mr Ferguson will likely change his mind again when he looks back at all the points he has picked up late in games and realizes what a change in procedure is likely to mean for his side.

I don’t think anyone will complain with Fergie’s change of heart should he champion change, quite the opposite. An independent and acurate time-keeper will be most welcome by fans and managers alike.

Sir Alex Ferguson Wins Again

Ferguson: laughs in the face of mild rebuke

Amidst all this Thierry Henry talk, let’s not forget the other man ruining football with his whinging, complaining, and apparent invincibility in the face of countless run-ins with referees: yep, that guy who sits in the comfy chairs on the Old Trafford sidelines. Our gum-chewing friend, Sir Alex Ferguson.

It appears some weird footnote to the 2-match ban he was given (you know, besides the 2-game suspended ban) is that it can only begin 14 days after it was handed down. Therefore, he’ll be smug as a bug on a rug at OT on Saturday for a potentially tricky encounter with Everton, and that soft ban will kick in for the trip to Fratton Park, and then a Carling Cup tie with Tottenham Hotspur. Oh no, whatever will United do without their charismatic leader!?!

The entire thing is ridiculous; any perceived justice in the ban has now melted like the first-driven snow, and Fergie’s side lose very little of his mentoring. I’m sure he’ll still make the trip to Portsmouth, but hole up in their rickety press box to watch a rudimentary 2-0 away win.

The FA: making FIFA appear competent since the late-1800s.

Nani clearly wants to collect unemployment

No doubt happier times for the pair

In the most ill-advised career move since Nicolas Cage agreed to star in National Treasure, Manchester United winger Nani has decided to “tell all” about working/training conditions at United, not that anyone was particularly interested.

He also savages Sir Alex a bit, which means he’ll be the first somewhat-big name making the rounds in January’s transfer window. You know, if you’re a club manager who’s interested in paying for a guy that’ll publicly stab you in the back if he’s unhappy in any way.

To the quote-giver himself, on Ferguson’s training/motivation methods: “Ferguson is a very complicated man. He’s tough. If things are all right, then they are all right. But when he thinks something is wrong, everything is screwed. He can go from complimenting you to just plain trashing you in a matter of minutes. Has it happened to me? Hell, yes! He’ll say ‘Nani, how could you miss this or this’?” He shouts at players in front of everyone. No one escapes, everybody is the same. Giggs and Neville suffer most, because they have more experience. It is ‘F**k’ here and ‘F**k’ there.”

Scandalous stuff! The manager gets unhappy when players don’t do what they’re supposed to! And no amount of yelling is enough to make me pity Gary Neville, so let’s move on.

READ MORE

Who Said Chivalry is Dead?

Steven Defour has a not-so-secret admirer

At heart, Sir Alex Ferguson is an old man.

Sure he’s old of body too, but there’s always been something a touch romantic about him (beyond the poetic press murmurings and crippling alcohol fancy), and revelations of his recent love missive to injured Standard Liege captain Steven Defour are rich, embarrassing evidence of his old-fashioned ways.

No emails for the drunk Scot, no; this is a hand-written note, probably on some kind of floral print paper, cooing at the young Belgian midfielder from afar.

Oh, and not to mention it’s insanely inappropriate.

To the letter! READ MORE

Enthusiasm Curbed

After slagging off Alan Wiley over his fitness and having already apologized for said criticism, Sir Alex Ferguson is set to pull a Larry David and apologize for his apology.

No stranger to getting all up in there and leaving Snickers wrappers in people’s asses, SAF is making a second go at it in hopes of avoiding a misconduct charge from the FA. I would expect it to be somewhere between ‘begrudging’ and ’sincere’… but much closer to ‘begrudging’. Because, honestly, do you think there’s any chance the crusty old  Scot really thinks twice about Alan Wiley’s feelings? READ MORE

Quick Throw: Eat the numbers, Fergie

Do you remember, yesterday, when we were all wondering what the hell “fit as a butcher’s dog” meant? As Chris Farley would say (were he alive), that was awesome.  Anyway, apparently it means that Alan Wiley can run rings around most of the players on the pitch.  On Saturday, Wiley did just that, outrunning all but three United players; and the ref didn’t even have to be substituted out like a weenie, unlike a certain Paul Scholes or Darren Fletcher.  Anyway, there’ s a nice graphic and quite a bit of info in the The Times.  Follow the link to look at what refutation by numbers looks like.

[The Times]

Quick Throw: Fergie Ref Rant Examined

The FA will be taking a closer look at Alex Ferguson’s after match rant against referee Alan Wiley. Manchester United stole a late point from Sunderland this weekend, but that was not enough for Ferguson as he looked to deflect attention from his squad’s poor showing. In his post-game press conference, Ferguson lambasted Wiley for not giving United the proper amount of stoppage time (the extra 30 seconds United deserves when they are behind, presumably) saying that Wiley was not physically fit enough to be a referee. The manager said it was a disgrace “that we see referees from abroad who are as fit as butcher’s dogs” and that Wiley was not one of them. (Anybody care to fill me in on that saying? Seems like a butcher’s dog would be fat from all the meat.)

If Ferguson does not receive a penalty for this stunning verbal assault, we will all know who has whom in their hip pocket.

Shoe-nanigans! Get it? Yeah, I guess it’s obvious

Forlan in a rare upright moment

Diego Forlan recently admitted he got caught in some shoe-nanigans while at Manchester United.  No, I’m not talking about about Bendtner-style shoe problems or, er, Bendtner-style shoe problems, I’m talking about choosing ones that make you look like you are on a slip n’ slide instead of playing football.  Oh, and choosing to do so after the boss of all bosses has told you to switch studs will get you shipped out.

Forlan famously could not score while at Old Trafford, so the purple-faced one tried to give him a simple remedy: play in longer studs.  You know, the kind that you see advertised as being for wet, soft ground.  Therefore, the kind made for every pitch in the EPL, save for those teams that groundshare with rugby teams.  But no, Forlan knew better and continued to play in shorter studs.

That is, he played in them until he no longer played for United at all.  Forlan recounted his end at United by saying that in a game against Chelsea he slipped on the wet, soft gorund while chasing a clear goal scoring opportunity.  Then, at the whistle, Forlan raced into the locker room so SAF wouldn’t find out that his striker had disobeyed him.  Forlan wasn’t fast enough in changing, however, and was caught, never played for Manchester United again.  Oops.

Of course, it’s not all bad.  Forlan moved on to Villareal in Spain.  In his first season in La Liga, Forlan led the league in scoring.  Further, Ferguson didn’t hold too much of a grudge either.  Forlan reports that when Villareal were to face Arsenal in the Champions League, Sir Alex was kind enough to pass along a scouting report. Take that, Arsene!

In a final revelation, Forlan outs Roy Keane was a sweetheart who tried on several occasions to get the Uruguayan goal scorer to move to Sunderland.  Forlan, of course, did not.  He was probably thinking that the wet Northeast was not a good place to play when all one wants to do is wear the short studded boots.